How to Handle having Attachment Issues? Any advice would help?

Need advice - apartment neighbor?

• I need a bit of advice on how to handle a neighbor in my apartment building. I've been living here a few years and have known her on a very basic level for about that long. She seemed to be about 27 years old and fairly normal. Occasionally we would run into each other in the hall. And she has, in the past, knocked on my door a few times to buy a cigarette or two. A few days ago she came to my door looking a bit disheveled and asking for a cigarette. As I handed her one, she started muttering about some sort of child abuse and "disowning" her parents. The next day she came back to ask if she could use my phone because hers was broken. When she returned with my phone she asked to come in for a moment. She asked for my advice to deal with some of her problems and I recommended that she seek a therapist just to help her learn to cope with the range of emotions she was speaking about. She thanked me and left. A few hours later she returned and asked to come in for a minute and that was when things got strange. Shortly after coming in she asked if she could hang out for a while because she felt unsafe in her apartment. What I thought was a girl dealing with some issues and needing someone to vent to, was, I now believe, a young girl with some serious mental issues. She started talking about some strange things. For example "where are all the people?" "when you leave the state there are no people anywhere. Have you read the papers? Was there a flood? Where did all the people go?" and when I asked her to explain what she meant, she seemed to have forgotten what she had asked me. She wound up staying for a few hours talking constantly. When she wasn't talking about her problems, she was accusing random people on the tv of being evil and talking about conspiracy theories. Before she left she had bummed a few cigarettes, used my phone 4 times, and asked me and my roommate to drive her places. Needless to say, by the time she left our heads were spinning. This morning my roommate passed her in the hall and when he said hello to her she demanded to know who he was. Then today she has knocked on our door 4 separate times. I only answered the first time and have not answered it since. I apologize for the long explanation, but I can't expect good advice without giving you all the info. So my question is what do I do now? In my attempt to help, I appear to have made friends with someone that is clearly not mentally stable right now. I feel terrible ignoring her because she clearly is alone and in need, but I cannot help her any more than I have. I cannot afford financially to keep giving her cigarettes and letting her use my phone. I feel as though I got myself into this, and that's not her fault. I feel terrible, but I don't know how else to handle this seriously disturbed woman. Any thoughts would be so much appreciated.

• Answer:

  You say you have already "recommended that she seek a therapist just to help her learn to cope with the range of emotions she was speaking about." That should probably be your standard response to her wherever appropriate - meaning when she talks about wanting/needing help. But don't accuse her of being crazy, only offer that advice in response to her wanting help. You can't save her; she needs professional help, so DON'T cultivate a friendship or do anything to make her think you are. Don't invite her inside. Make any excuse why you don't have time, but try to make it as open ended as you can so she doesn't set a timer and come back when she thinks you're done. Do NOT let her take your phone out of your sight and preferably just don't let her use it again. She's (pardon me) nuts and you have no idea who she is calling and who is seeing your phone number as a result. She could be calling China for all you know and you'll be paying for it. Stop smoking; it's bad for your health and if you don't smoke she won't be borrowing.buying cigarettes from you. ;-)