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Wedding planning - how do I do this?

How to deal with the stress from my parents during wedding planning...?

  • I was very excited to start planning the wedding with the guy I have been with for over 7 years, but now my parents, mostly my mom, is making it stressful! I am 22 and about to graduate college. I have supported myself through school because my parents did not have the money to give me. Also, my parents love the guy I am marrying... My mom never talks to me much about the wedding.. and when I bring it up she doesnt really seem too interested. Whenever im around my fiances mother, it seems like the wedding is all she wants to talk about.. she has made the plans to meet with the person making the cake, the florist, ect.. and my mother has done nothing except go with me to try on dresses. Last week I finally booked a location for the wedding. (My fiance's grandparents are covering majority of the costs of the wedding since my parents cannot afford it) When I told my mom about the place I chose she got very upset because I had let my fiance's mother book it for me. She said it "wasn't her place to do that".. but I do not see why she thinks that, since they are the ones paying for it and had to pay the deposit at the time she booked it! She was also upset that I did not "include her" in the decision. However, I made two seperate trips to check the place out and invited her both times but she had lame excuses and didnt come. Also, my fiance's friends mother is a reverend and he wants her to perform the ceremony. I was ok with this because it would mean a lot to him... but my parents became enraged that I was going to allow that because they think that a man should perform the ceremony. I dont know what to do!!! Is it really that big of an issue to have a woman perform the ceremony? And why does my mom keep trying to bring me down when I am excited about the plans i have made?

  • Answer:

    The wedding plans are to be made by the bride and groom, not anyone else. A family member was nice enough to step forward and offer to pay for something, but the final say on everything is still the two people getting married. You did the right thing by inviting your mother to be with you. She is no doubt a bit edgy as she feels her little girl is growing up. Keep the lines of communication going with her and try to be understanding. Don't let either side of the two families take over the wedding plans though. You and your fiance should be doing the plans together. That includes deciding where the wedding is held, who is in the wedding, etc., right down to where the cake comes from and what the design is. Spend time with your fiance to make sure BOTH of you participate in this. The final say on everything must come from BOTH of you, not from any family member. Making wedding plans with your fiance can be a romantic bonding experience.You deserve to have things the way both of you want, no matter who pays. If they don't like your choices, then they can choose not to pay. Don't let someone try to buy influence over your wedding decisions-but be grateful if they choose to be generous.

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Your mom is embarrassed they don't have money for this and is jealous of the enthusiasm this money buys in the other family. So she is just gonna not... Be too excited. All you can do is thank her for what she does do and keep doing your best to include her and give in where you can. Could you and mom and the other mom go out tol lunch as equals and discuss the wedding? That might be a more level field that will make your mom feel better. She really in a way is being gracious in her own way by letting the other family pay for this. I guess she might be thinking that you prefer the other family and what they can buy you and are turning your nose up at the modest affair they could afford, preferring a more expensive do, instead of having them host it no matter what that ended up with. You could reassure her thar is not the case and be understanding. That means being the bigger person, but, that's life!

jaded

Your mom might think you are too young for marriage, reasonably so, and so wedding planning is bittersweet for her. She wants to see you happy and she wants to be involved in your wedding...just not now, not yet. As details get taken care of without her, it becomes reality that you're going through with this now anyways, ready or not, and she can't do anything about it.

Perse

You did what you could.......they chose to NOT help you, therefore, do NOT tell them anymore and just send them an invitation. By the way......it really makes no difference who marries you.

Linda R

It is not a big deal who performs the ceremony, you end up with the same result.. you are married. I think your mom is probably a bit embarrassed that they do not have the money to help you pay for your wedding, therefore she makes lame excuses not to attend things you invite her to. I also think that she has NO right to be mad when your mother in law books the venue, since she is paying. I would straight up ask her, well mom, I asked you to go with me twice when I was checking it out, and you didn't want to come. These things can not wait,and need to be taken care of. I didn't know you were interested in going since you turned me down twice already. Tell her you would be more than happy to include her but that she needs to get involved when you ask. You can not wait around for her to be "ready" to go when these things need to be booked, or lost so to speak. Good Luck to you, may you have a wonderful wedding.

Snick

I think you've got to say to them: you're not paying so you don't get a say in it. Remind her there are lots of other ways to get involved still. As for a woman reverend: I assume you mean in a protestant church. Well (speaking as a protestant christian myself) nearly all protestant churches allow ordained women these days, in my mind that debate was settled years ago. Are they churchgoing christians themselves? If they are, you might might want to give ground on that one, perhaps sharing duties between two preachers. If they aren't, well maybe get them to speak to the minister, maybe they will come around.

Paula

I dont want a wedding Id rather elope .

cancergem

Getting married is a sign that you are now your own person, no longer under your parents. You offered to let your mom help, she declined, she can't complain now. Who officiates your wedding is up to you and your fiance. If you are happy with the female minister, don't let your parents push you around. Tell that that its your decision, and they have to respect it.

swbarnes2

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