What are some ways to become more assertive?

What are ways to become more socially aware and better understand why people react to you in negative ways?

• For example, a previously close relationship has gotten colder over the past month or two, or you'd like to become closer friends but discover the other person isn't interested. What are some ways you can close the loop in terms of figuring out why the other person doesn't want a closer relationship with you? Or how do you read others to understand what they are/aren't looking for? It seems the standard socially acceptable reaction is to "not care what others think about you", or assume the other person has reasons unrelated to anything you did, or try to make guesses. I used these approaches, but as a result never really got better at understanding others, and still find myself often surprised by people's reactions to me (both positive and negative) - either friends or colleagues. I hesitate to ask people directly because the question always seems awkward and somewhat desperate, and if I was the one being asked I would find it difficult to tell the truth a lot of the time.

• Answer:

  If they don't want to be friends with you, then just be yourself until they decide you are someone they want to be friends with.  Don't change who you are to be friend with someone, unless they give criticism that you agree with.  If you have to conform to their commands for them to consider you a friend, then you aren't a real friend to them, just someone who obeys.