Everybody thinks they have good sense of humor but they can't all have..

when I try to be funny is apparently just dark and cruel rather than funny. Honestly I just hear a person who is in a lot of pain and is protecting themselves from potential hurt via crustiness or control. Not to get all zen about it, but in a way you are shadow boxing with yourself. Maybe you are afraid of feeling your own feelings. Watch Family Guy. You sound like Stewie. Then imagine how he really comes across, what he's really saying behind what it seems like he's saying. Try to judge people less. Consider their pov and try to make them feel good by doing a nice thing. And when you're able to help them feel good, let yourself feel good about it. There's no shame in feeling good, and showing it to the world. I come from a long line of people with substance abuse problems This usually means a lot of buried shame. one cure is gradual exposure - try letting your guard down with your friends bit by bit. If you've surrounded yourself with caustic assholes, don't do this but if you have some nice friends then just be a little honest & see how it goes. People like sincerity. Maybe don't go for the jokes just yet, try being sincere first. What you're looking for is spontaneity, and that usually comes when you feel free to be your honest self at any given moment.

This is going to sound overly simplistic, but I suggest you turn on some music on a regular basis. Music has magical properties, it really does. Music can make you feel things. (Make you feel some type of way, as the kids would say) It can make you feel happy or sad. Energized or sleepy. It can make your body move, it can bring back memories, it can get you singing, it can make you smile or cry. To me, that's a tool. I'm way, way too serious sometimes, and I hate that about myself. Music (and dancing) help me blow off that steam. You don't want to dance, that's fine, no need to. But don't forget the wonderful tool of music you love to relax your mind and to inject some joy straight into your veins.

There's a complete lack of random fun chaos in my life. And when I purposely add it, it feels like I'm following a cake mix recipe on how to be wacky, rather than anything that's actually fun or genuine. I've been taking on more responsibilities lately and I asked a mentor of mine how he prioritized tasks and how I could learn to focus on one task at a time instead of always being anxious about the things I wasn't doing. He advised me to stop what I was doing every hour or so and think about what I was doing and how I felt about it-if I paid attention to my feelings and tried to do more of what produced the good feelings, the scheduling would take care of itself. I've mostly found this to be true. The 'cake mix recipe' metaphor for a certain feeling sounds familiar to me from when I was working on things that I thought that I was supposed to think were important or satisfying, but didn't actually think were important or satisfying. In this context, I think it's helpful to be able to free yourself from thinking too much about how to sort yourself into groups. For example, I discovered that I liked working in the garden. But that didn't mean that I was in a rush to label myself as a gardener and then start thinking about the things that a gardener would do and try to do them. I just work in the garden more and don't feel like I'm missing out on other non-garden things when I'm doing that. And if I think some gardener-type-stuff is bullshit (or more to the point, if I *feel* a certain way when I try to do those things) then I just don't do it. So I guess I'm wondering *why* it's important to be more lighthearted. Serious people exist and lead happy, satisfying lives. The you of today may just be a more serious person and in lieu of some good reasons otherwise I'm not convinced that it's a project worth tackling to change that.

You can't make yourself loosen up. Just let yourself be the way you are.

This is not a great solution because it costs money, but can you find a way to take a vacation and visit some of the friends who knew you when you were funny and loose? I find being away from my current life and back with people who knew me as a more lively person puts me right back into my old self. It often carries into my regular life when I return too.

Hang out with little kids. Get down on the ground and play with them.

Well, "loosening up" and "telling jokes" seem pretty opposite to me, actually. People who actually "tell jokes" instead of just naturally being funny usually come up off pretty "sweaty" and desperate to be liked- think the uncle no one wants to sit near at holidays. I tend to take things seriously and analyze a lot, too. I'd say just continue with the therapy and do the assignments. If you're the kind of person who likes to work seriously on things, work seriously on loosening up. I don't see why it can't be learned as a skill like any other.

I can't tell you how to have more joy in your life apart from what you are already doing and what others are suggesting, but I would like to adress this: Your professor threw you out of a class and told you to get drunk?! And you thought you were the failure in that situation??? Sometimes, we are told we are wrong when we're not. And when we've been told the same things too often, we start to believe them. Yes, maybe you're too serious, and I'm not being flippant about how that affects your life, but maybe other people aren't serious enough? There is nothing wrong with thinking a lot, if you don't think obsessive, self-destructive thought (i.e. anxiety etc.) - seriously, most people don't think enough. For example (because this recently happened to me), someone tells a racist joke and you simply don't find it funny. If that person told you to lighten up and get a sense of humour, would you still feel like you were in the wrong?

Thanks, everyone, for the suggestions and recommendations. Strangely, quitting my job, eating good ice cream and reading lots of comics ("Sex Criminals" is da bomb) went a long way towards chilling me out. I'm kind of an overthinky cat and I really, really appreciate the folks who reminded me that it's pretty cool to just accept that. And strangely, being proud of being overthinky let me be a lot more mellow/less overthinky. Oh, Zen Catch 22! (shakes fist) Suggestions that I am angry (totally!) and need more therapy (I'm not ready to commit to Woody Allen/Howard Stern) weren't necessarily applicable since I already overshare with my therapist, life coach and psychiatrist. I understand that isn't always the case with folks, so I appreciate the recommendation. Therapy is a longer term thing that I expect to make me better in the span of years, not overnight like, say, giving notice at your job, watching AMAZON WOMEN ON THE MOON and snarking on the awful that is WORLD WAR Z with cheap beers. Instead of going to improv, I turned the (solid) recommendation into reading the book Impro by Keith Johnstone - which was far more awesome than expected. He's pretty angry, too, but angry that structured schooling takes away our sense of creativity and fun. I love being angry at anti-fun. That was cathartic for me. I'd recommend it to anyone who stumbles along this question later after they've been reading reviews of different self hypnosis tapes on how to loosen up (which, yes, I now realize is pretty hilarious now that I'm not in it). I also read Crossing the Unknown Sea: Work as a Pilgrimage of Identity by David Whyte - which is basically a book about why poetry matters to your soul or something, but it served its purpose. Not funny, but deep and thoughtful and emotional in a good way - without making me cry or nuthin' Lastly, I re-read (yeah, I read a lot in addition to watching great/terrible movies) Orbiting the Giant Hairball which is the best book about why taking work seriously sucks your soul away. So, in short, thank you all. I'm sure I'll need a seriousness tune up soon enough and, as they say, keep passing the open windows.