Should I get married at 21?

Michael, you certainly have more than one question going on. The first thing I would advise is for you to see a psychotherapist . You have so many issues I could not begin to advise you. You do want to take care of your friends phone, pay him back, so please keep that in mind to do as soon as you can. One thing for sure, No Do Not Get Married. You are not ready to do service to that union. You say you believe every girl you see is the beautiful one, the right one. You say you have a fiance but you are not wanting to wait for her. You are moving too fast. If your fiance is the right woman for you, you need to wait for her. In the meantime. please see a therapist and make some friends. I will suggest you read this answer from who is a psychotherapist and while he is not addressing your question directly, he covers many of the issues you describe. It's a great place to start while you are waiting for your psychotherapy appointment. Good luck to you!

A2A. The following is not necessarily reliable. Not everything is addressed. If there's a safe and reliable method within your means, pay off whatever the cost was of your friend's phone and send it to him. If it's risky, then don't do it. Perhaps it'll get rid of some stress (given that it's the only thing I've seen you do "wrong") karma or not. I cannot help you with the stress or insecurities. Any religious suggestions would probably come off as an insult and baseless. Although I do not know what you can afford with the money you make per month/year, I'd say that you should contact your church (be vary as to not mention any financial information such as your salary - there are too many jealous/opportunistic people who will come after you) and see if they can support you or help deal with your situation. If there are therapists/doctors in your area, seek his/her help if possible. Take up freelancing (assuming you're qualified to do what's out there or are willing to learn more) as a side job and establish a portfolio. Save up money little by little so you have enough to host a website in which you can use (learn HTML/CSS @ http://codeacademy.com or pay for a host such as http://Wix.com to display your work starting now and/or if you get laid-off. It is up to you to use a spreadsheet/piece of paper to plan out your budget and stick to it. Think of it as though you don't have much money to use and how others get by with less. Regarding relationships... that's a different subject. I'd say the time span to marry someone and plan on having kids would be around 25-28 (give or take a year), however if you just want to be with someone (who agrees to not have kids), then I'd say from circa 25 and on. Now, personally speaking - you're not ready to get married. You have all of the above problems that you have to take care, how would you plan on taking care and spending time with your undivided attention around another person? Screw what others have to say about the marriage hype. It's a social cultural thing that no longer fits with today's societies in most places as the world has vastly changed from where it was used to be ideal to do such and many male/female partners in resource poor/rich areas respectively (not marriage, but economic usefulness in some respects). The pressure will always be there. Then again, I don't now much about Tanzania/Arusha or your current situation. To get a good grasp of relationships, I'd check out 's () and 's (http://usually%20the%20way%20to%20view%20things%20correctly) answers on (with perhaps a tiny grain of salt, of course). My recommendation is that you should marry the person that becomes/is your best friend over time as both of you develop a liking of one another, achieve some sort of financial stability, have a commitment of trekking through mountains for the other, etc. Again, you'd really have to read through what they say to get a good grasp of whatever it is that I'm saying here. Also, with the current woman that you have in mind, as screwed up as it sounds, there's a saying goes like "there are many fish in the pond". Of course, you could say that this person may be the only one or you don't socialize as much so you may not find another person to be with. My response to that is should start out small with things like dating (in a way which doesn't intrude her schedule negatively) and slowly move on from there (and repeat as necessary with different people you end up liking as you develop as a person). I could go on, but I'll just bite the bullet and sound stupid with my half-glass advice. Again, as silly and unprofessional as it sounds, read their answers (or read more about making relationships and the like on the internet). I understand that the fear of competency never goes away, but you should only get into serious or long-term relationships once you've developed a financial/social/physical transitional competency (being disabled or born with a disease/genetic disorder is a different story). Dating and making friendships will help a bit with the social. Exercise and diversify your skill-set, for it'll help with the insecurities and depression. You don't want to have kids who wish they weren't born or ruin the life of someone who originally intended on spending the rest of it with you. Life is cruel and not a movie. I have relatively little experience with any of the above, but felt as though I could help in some what which would inspire a solution for yourself or provide something someone much more smarter could go off (to expand/improve/reject upon) of in his/her answer. Cheers & good luck.

Your life may look like a nightmare, but to me, it sounds more like a journey to a place of stability.  The road to your current destination seems to have been quite rocky, however you made it to where you want to be.  You have a successful career and you're in a thriving relationship.  Now, here's the scary part.  Due to everything you have gone through in the past, the possibility of losing everything is huge.  In order to prevent that from happening, there are a few things you need to do. Most importantly would be your foundation.  Who you are as a person.  You need to establish that.  Create an ethical lifestyle.  Then your vices.  You have to contain them.  As far as your depression goes.  That, you may need to see a professional about.  For the headaches, drink a lot of water.  Rest eight hours a day.  Relax and meditate.  Forgive everyone who has wronged you.  Be grateful for everyone who has helped.  Carry an attitude of gratitude.  You seem to be in a position where you are trying to find yourself.  Self reflection always helps, and one day you will eventually be able to find who you are.  Your life isn't a nightmare.  It was a journey to make you a stronger person.  Also, stealing is bad.  Write your friend a letter, buy him a new phone and a huge box of chocolates or whatever else he may like, then mail it to him.  That wasn't very nice of you.  Just remember, every passing moment is another chance to turn it all around.  Today is your opportunity to make that change.

OK, you asked me for an answer. I have no idea why, but I guess you are looking for a wake up call. I will not sugarcoat it. I am going to ignore your life story. No one cares, except maybe mental health professionals, so I suggest you cut it. The only part that matters to me is: The next day tomorrow I went in city  looking for job as a Graphic Designer, I found one in the stationary and  started working the next day without being asked for Job application  letter or CV.   After a month I knew using Adobe Illustrator too (I'm incredibly  creative since that time), then I received a connection to another city  (Arusha) to go and work as Senior Graphic Designer. I went and started  working, being offered a furnished two bedroom house, then enrolled in a  National social security fund and started paying tax as well. I'm here  till now since March this year, being paid a huge salary, (650,000  Tanzanian Shillings), no teacher, nurse, driver, police or entry-level  accountant is paid that much in here. Now my problems: I deeply feel  insecure, I mean I practically have nowhere to go when I'll lose my job.  second, I am nervously depressed, I suffer from severe headache and  stress because I'm automatically used to recalling the memories of my  life, I am so deadly lonely when I get in my house from job even though I  have a Home theater music system and a TV. third, I cannot control my  money, I tried so much downloading articles on budgeting and learning  much on money saving but I just can't do it at the end,  fourth, I want to marry because some people tells me to (I love the  idea anyway) because every woman I pass by the road is too beautiful to  me, I found a fiancee (old friend back in hometown-Mwanza), she studies  nursing and will finish next year but I'm so anxious that I feel waiting  is a burden, friends tells me it is too early to get married because  I'm just 21. I'll appreciate your opinions. Thanks you. OK, so you are a graphic designer. You have a job which you perceive pays you a lot of money (I have no idea what 650K is like, but it's probably not a lot of money) and you can't control your spending. I was right, 650K TZS is $401.61 USD as of Sep 22, 2013. If you are lonely, find a social activity. I like dance classes for that. Except for depression, which is a mental health problem with which you might get diagnosed, your current life doesn't feel like a nightmare. In fact, many things happened to you that make you very lucky as compared to the life of many others. With regards to controlling your spending, what you need to do is allocate the exact amount you will need until the next payment period and deposit the rest of your money in a place that is inaccessible to you. In US, I would suggest investing in Certificate of Deposit, which is a way to lock away your money for a period of time while it earns interest. I am not sure if this exists in Tanzania. Whatever you do, do not keep all of your cash available to you because you will spend it all as a method to cope with depression. One approach could be to open a special savings bank account, deposit excess cash into it, and give your bank card (without ability to use it) to your friend for safe keeping. On the next pay day, come to the bank with your friend and make another deposit. Once again, your friend would keep that bank card. This could be your fiancee, but I would rather do it with someone else who is more neutral. If you run out of money before the pay period for necessities, then ask your friend to help you buy the necessities (food/water). Clothing, electronics, and other things are not necessities. You asked how to force yourself to stop spending money. This is what it will take. It is harsh but necessary. Compulsive spending may also be a mental health problem. Please, don't marry someone until you get your mental health under control. I don't want your wife to suffer. Otherwise, there is nothing wrong with being married at 21. In short, I think you need professional help and you are not going to get it on Quora. I recommend working with a mental health professional. Oh, and send your friend the money to buy a new phone. He probably did already so sending him a phone would not make sense.

Think of your life as a test of who you are. Having climbed out of a bad past, are you able to leave it behind? Can you clear your mind of those echos, can you learn to forgive yourself and others, can you become the kind of person, boyfriend, husband or father you think you would like to be? The fact is, at 21 you are just a pup. For people your age, childhood and teenage turmoil have been left behind, and you are moving to become the true person you will be for the next 40 years. Look at your childhood and teen experiences as baggage - what will you take with you to your new life, and what will you leave behind? Those experiences are the past, they can no longer harm you, only instruct. The parts you truly choose to leave behind will fade into the distance. The parts you bring with you make you wise. The uncertainty of the future is no longer something you should fear. Unlike before, you are equipped to chart this territory. Places ahead of you that you can't see are full of opportunity, loneliness you feel is a bookshelf ready to be filled with wonderful stories, you have crossed the desert and reached the house which you are to fill with experiences of your own making. A child is tossed around by life and must struggle just to survive, but you have graduated from that, now you are able to chart your own course. Life will still be a turbulent ocean, but you no longer need to fear it. Go, live, love, enjoy, the world is yours and the past is over.

Some years back i heard this joke in an Iranian movie called Taste of Cherry A Turk goes to see a doctor.  He tells him:"When I touch my body  with my finger, it hurts  "When I touch my head, it hurts,  my legs, it hurts  "my belly, my hand, it hurts"  The doctor examines him  and then tells him:  "Your body's fine  but your finger's broken!" so bro sometimes changing outlook towards life is all we need..things around us are as we perceive. There is hope in everything, there are people  who aint as lucky as you but still they remain happy

I agree completely with those who have suggested you seek help to deal with the difficult situations and challenges you experienced growing up, before you can even begin to think about marriage.  I would also like to add some specific reasons why you should and shouldn't get married.  Please consider my insights food for thought, prayer and meditation.  Reasons why you should not get married... Reasons why you should get married... Wishing you all the best, Shawna http://www.mediatorinjeans.com

There is no good or bad time for marriage. It is when you think you are ready. I would probably have waited more. But you need to ask this to yourself, are you ready for this role, next phase of life, right now? If there is a slight confusion, do not rush into it.