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How does the adoption process work?

How does the process of giving a baby up for an adoption work?

  • I'm 18, 32 weeks along, and I know I won't be able to support the baby so I'm going to give the baby up for adoption. How does this all work? Do I still get to name ...show more

  • Answer:

    First: do not sign anything until you get home from the hospital! This is to protect you from being pressured in case you change your mind at the last minute. There is no fee for you. The adoptive parents pay all fees, which should include a separate attorney for you. (Don't use their attorney; that would be a conflict of interests.) You can name your baby, but the adopters will be free to rename him or her. The baby's original birth certificate will be sealed once the adoption is final, and a new certificate will be issued with the baby's new name. You can contact a local adoption agency and speak to them, but always have an advocate (your mom or dad, a good friend, etc.) with you when you talk to them so they don't try to pressure you into making commitments before you're ready. The agency will show you portfolios of prospective parents, and you can talk to a few of them if you wish. However, although you may get pressure to choose the adoptive parents before the birth, I strongly urge you not to do so. Make no promises and sign nothing. You shouldn't make a final choice until after you've given birth and spent as much time alone with your baby as you need. This is to protect you, but also to avoid falsely getting an adoptive couple's hopes up before you're sure. Once you've left the hospital with your baby, if you still think adoption is the right choice, you can call the agency and tell them you've chosen the parents. (Don't be afraid the parents won't take the baby without prior notice. They absolutely will.) My purpose in telling you delay signing over your baby isn't to talk you out of adoption, but to make sure you're not taken advantage of or pressured. Adoption agencies charge $20K and up per infant (none of which goes to you, the mother) so they tend not to have the mother's best interests at heart.

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You do not get to name your baby. Even if you do, her name AND birthday will be changed by the people who purchase her. She will live as a slave to her buyers until she is old enough to move out on her own. Hopefully she never needs access to her medical history because all adoption records are sealed. Hopefully your child or future grandchildren never need blood or bone marrow or information or some other think that could save their life that only a biological family member can provide. Open adoptions are not enforceable. I know you don't think you can do it, but I was 14 when I had my 1st and had 2 by age 19. They never went without anything and I worked for minimum wage! There are a lot of churches that have very cheap thrift stores or free clothes and toys. A baby takes up so little space. Do you live on the streets currently? A baby only requires a dresser drawer worth of space, if you have a place for you then you can make room. Please, a baby is not like a puppy. Keep your baby. The problem with contacting an adopting agency is that if you give birth to your baby and you bond and you fall in love, they will pressure you, coerce you and guilt you into following through when you don't want to anymore. You and your separated child will have to spend a lifetime of loss/pain and regret. Do some research, look up Musings of the Lame. Find out how women feel about their decision to give up their child and how adoptees feel about being sold. There is so much damage done in adoption. I know you are going to do what you want but I hope you at least WAIT to contact an agency until you have your baby and know for sure if you can still go through with adoption. To an adopter it makes no difference if the baby is "womb-wet" or a few weeks old, they will be happy to rip your child from you at any age. You may as well at least give it a TRY.

anonymous

I've never been pregnant myself but I did find this link. The FAQ's section (located under the "Are You Pregnant?" tab) has a lot of good advice. I would just like to say thank you for being brave and noble enough to save this baby's life. :) http://www.fcadoptions.org/

pithygirl

I just want you to know that if you want to keep your baby, you absolutely can! there are so many government programs to help single mothers like you. Your education would pretty much be free, you can also get food stamps, and clothes for your baby. If you get in touch with the social worker that will be at the hospital, she can connect you to all these resources. My friend is a single mom and currently attending a university, she gets her tuition 100% paid for plus extra as financial aid for books and living expenses and she is already halfway done with school. I know being a mother is hard, but sometimes it seems like it is harder to deal with the trauma of losing your baby than it would have been to actually raise him/her. I just wanted to remind you that you do have a choice, and do not contact an adoption agency, they will try to convince you that placing your baby is the most wonderful selfless thing in the world, only contact an agency after you have give birth and made a final decision.

ariel

I'm adopted, the families love them, but if you have any heartbreaking info you don't want the child to learn don't share, they will have hard times addressing them

Jaleesa

Hello! I was wondering if you have a family picked out yet for your child? My husband and I have 4 angels in heaven, and have desperately been wanting to adopt. We have so much love to give, and we would be eternally grateful to have our own family! There are good agencies out there that handle adoption cases. There are also open or closed adoptions. We would be fine with an open adoption, where you get pictures, updates, and even visits, to help make the adoption situation for you an easier thing. If you would like to speak with me, please reply to this, and I will give you my phone#. Best Wishes!

jenny

Most people go with an agency but this is not necessary. An unethical agency will push you to adopt and not raise the baby. You can use kinship or independent adoption, this is when you pick the family. You will both still need lawyers but the adoptive parents can pay that for you. I would be happy to give you resources in your own state. Just send me a message. My email is my user name MDHerbal with @ aol .com

MDHerbal

You're an amazing girl, and you are giving the best gift a person can give! I pray blessings for you! Good Luck.

Draven

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