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Does not being able to feel any attachments necessarily mean that I am clinically depressed? What should I do?

  • I don't feel any attachment to anything in this world anymore. Does this necessarily mean that I am clinically depressed? What should I do?   Or in other words, can someone feel unattached to everything and still be in their right frame of mind? Details: I am a guy in mid twenties with a good paying job and a great family. I am single. I have some close friends. I am an introvert.  I had wide ranging interests when I was younger, from philosophy to Physics and engineering to history. I am essentially an idealist with a stauch belief in Ayn Rand's ideas about man's place in the universe. I am from India. I was a bright student with interests in Computer Science, English and Physics at school. I felt pressure from my parents and the society to perform well. Somehow I could not take that pressure and started skulking away from studies. I used to read novels and study advanced level Physics instead. I started feeling anger towards an education system which emphasised rote learning and not concept building. My performance at school dramatically fell down. I still remained bright at English (I used to write beautiful poems- some of which I am proud of even today) and Computer Science though. I was notorious for asking too many questions in every class. My Physics teachers used to be sick of me. After High School the pressure to perform increased manifolds. I lost confidence in myself and became lazy. Consequently I could not get admission into the IITs (the top engineeing schools of my country). I had to take admission in a Tier 3 college. When I saw the people whom I was to study along with and the teachers I was supposed to learn from I was so disillusioned and depressed that I considered ending my life many times (because I blamed myself for it). Those were very difficult times indeed. I met some of the worst human beings of my life. I somehow survived by totally isolating myself. In my grad school I fell in love twice (at different points of time) but somehow faced rejection. Both of these girls were my friends and one of them made me face my weaknesses and inspired me to fight my insecurities. I started working hard and things took a turn for the better. I overcame all those disappointments and got admitted to one of the elite colleges of my country for postgraduate studies in engineering (an IIT). I was happy for an year and worked with spirit towards my thesis project. I became positive and took to running. This was the golden period of my life. I met inspirational people. I shunned negativity and achieved moderate success. At that time I used to firmly believe that life can be controlled if you try hard enough, that you can alter your own destiny. Boy, was I wrong! It is one year later and now I feel disenchanted with life. I was always curious about everything. That is why I used to ask so many questions. I had always been on the lookout for meaning in my life. I always wanted to discover the purpose of my life. Things used to excite me before. They don't do any more. Initially I used to be torn between the professions of a writer and a Physics scientist. I chose engineering because I was not courageous enough at that time since engineering was a safe option financially. I loved programming though. But I thought my true love lay in literature. Then during my postgraduate studies I realized that I wanted to become a philosopher. I wanted to go for higher studies in philosophy.  I postponed it for a time when I had some financial security. Then I landed a job which I mistakenly believed involved engineering. It had nothing of the excitement and passion that my thesis project used to invoke in me. It involves work in which I am thoroughly disinterested. I have been trying to change my job since the last 4 months and have been facing rejection and ill luck (I didn't believe in luck before). I have tried finding answers in religions. I tried reading major holy books, but while they seemed to have substance, they could not satisfy my analytical mind. They appealed more to my intuition rather than my mind. I have reason to believe that I possess both right and left brain capabilities in good amounts, and I could not get convinced. I have never wanted to become rich or powerful. All I wanted was to understand this world. I read philosophical texts of Nietzsche, Kant and Sartre. They tended to confuse and depress me more. I think ever since my attempts failed at relationships, I became wary of attachments. Today I don't feel any attachment towards my parents, my siblings or my friends. I appear to be suspended in a vacuum. While my peers are busy getting married and planning families, I just want to be left alone. I also feel an obligation- a burden of taking care of my parents in their old age. Since I don't feel any attachment towards them, this thought is also quite tormenting. I have always looked at life from an analytical point of view. To me even happiness isn't a worthy reason to live. I used to live off the insights I drew from life. Now that hunger to understand is also gone. I have no idea why or how. I was inherently curious. I was creative. I used to compose songs on my guitar. I used to sing. I used to sketch. But now I am increasingly disillusioned. I have been overwhelmingly disturbed over this disappearance. I have seemingly lost my creativity. I have almost lost myself. I know the environment greatly affects people. I have been working in a company where I have increasingly become frustrated with the deaf management and boring work. Maybe it is a reason. Atleast I used to make plans before. Atleast I used to get excited. But I have been sinking into despair with each passing day. After my postgraduation I had high hopes for myself. I wanted to land an interesting job which could challenge me with good engineering problems. I wanted to pursue philosophy afterwards. But now I shrug off these thoughts. I have been rejected by so many companies in the past 4 months that I have almost lost confidence in myself. I have no financial backing. I feel as if I should resign right now and look for jobs of my interest. I got so weary of the corporate jungle that I applied for a PhD programme at a renowned institute a few days ago but could not get selected. I don't feel excited about marriage or having a family. All I feel is emptiness. To me marriage is yet another string to bind you just like the strings (bandhan) of being a son or a brother. If I genuinely felt something, I would do all the duties befitting a son by my own volition. It is as if the human inside me died sometime ago. I see people going to movies with their friends, hanging out, dressing up, wooing others; I watch them and ask myself, "What for?" I never had any interest in showing off. To me having a good time used to mean a good book. Even books do not excite me any more. I have an early life crisis. I always tried to be true to myself. And this long rant is yet another way to be true to what I feel. Maybe in trying to understand this universe, I have failed so miserably that all the will to live has gone out of me. Ayn Rand's ideas have become so ingrained in me that when I see myself wasted like this- bereft of my gifts of imagination and curiosity - I feel unworthy of even breathing. I feel emotionally numb.   Update 1: After reading some of the answers here I am a bit taken aback by how kind people can be. I am grateful for all the support and the advice. Many people have suggested taking up music and sports. So I have started running again as of yore. Actually I used to sing, play my guitar and compose songs when I was at college. I had given it to a friend after leaving college. I am buying a new guitar soon. Others have suggested going for a long trek somewhere. I can't do that because I fear I might never come back. I have always felt an urge to leave everything and take sannyas (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sannyasa) because life has somehow always felt alien to me. Maybe that's because I have always been an outlier (socially and emotionally). Others have suggested volunteer work. I had infact volunteered for a campaign (Delhi elections 2013) recently even though I don't live there. I also volunteer for Wikipedia and am active on open-source communities. I will continue this, maybe increase it. Update 2: I feel much better now. It's been almost 2 months, and I have started to regain my confidence. I restarted running and bought a new guitar. And I also am quitting my job! I have been offered a new job at a decent company, which I hope will be more aligned towards my interest. I have been conversing more and more with my parents and somehow I don't feel any uneasiness towards them now. I still don't feel any attachments but atleast I now see some meaning in life. Thanks to everyone who replied here! Thank you Quora! :D

  • Answer:

    I'd suggest loosing the faith in Ayn Rand and pick up on a more positive philosophy for a start.  Then start living as if you had two infant children whose lives depend on you.

Len Gould at Quora Visit the source

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Dear its the phase that comes in the life of so many. So don't feel that you are marginalized in the situation. Take a pause in your life and start thinking less. You may take the advice of a counselor.One thing that i want to discuss with you is that reading books is good but Most of the time books give us idealistic cause and effect relationship that are far beyond our real life. So read books to strong your subconscious mind but work according to pragmatic ideology.The same situation i felt and i found lot of a likeness the character that you http://possess.It's life o enjoy every moment.U are genius already. So, Use your intellect in positive way.Go for long visits and try to be busy as much as u can. Rejection is not that you are worthless but it shows that those who rejected were not of your standard. You are far ahead than those. Try to focus on theory of alikeness and live your life. Don't expect more from anyone even from yourself. You will http://win.As.  Biology says everyone is unique.I must say go for counseling as well you will feel relaxed.

Anonymous

Explore things around you.. May be you will find something very interesting.. Or may be learn a new musical instrument.. Music will redefine you..

Anonymous

why dont you write it down as a novel or an fictitious autobiography...you have interest in literature as well..and after reading your para...i also felled d same emptiness even if i havent encountered any of incidences you explained(its an compliment to your writing as per my knowledge)...you also know how it feels when you create a poem...no one can ever express d joy of it...if you did it as a novel...you will be full of intimate pleasure and happiness...

Aashish Bharude

Hi, I was in a depressed state long ago when I was in late teens and early twenties. I was not a religious person at the time and had no interest in things of God. My depression was not a constant state, it comes and I would crash. Going down down down. It was also always nonsensical. My brother brought home a bible and on one of the occasions I flipped it opened and landed on the book of Psalms. I read it. It didn't make any sense to me, but I noticed the depression left me. When ever I would crash, I would pick up the bible and read the book of Psalms. Amazing. It would work every single time. After so many years, I don't know what it is about the book of Psalms. I am now a Christian and feel I am well seated and grounded in my faith, but that does not exclude me from facing life's challenges. Each time I would turn to prayer and also to the book of Psalms. I would read it out loud. And you know, I still don't understand all that I am reading, and the struggles/worries go away. Just like my old depression went away. Depression doesn't come bother me anymore since I've become a Christian. Struggles, worries, conflicts still do. Each are going away, but that's for another question.

Anonymous

If you are too much frustrated in living your life then live for others , one day you will definitely find that you are worth to live. No extra advice.

Shashank Agarwal

Minus the profession and loving family, my situations are almost same. And sometimes being a girl just makes it all the more tougher.   Off late I wanted to seek help and was about to knock for advice from here. But I refrained as i think this is most demeaning thing (I do think it's okay to help at times, but in a public forum baring all this - I can say I don't have the guts, and you have. So appreciate that part of you.   I have had quite relationships issues, met some wrong guy (so much so that I actually started avoiding guys altogether, esp married men). I lost belief on relationships some tiem back when I got the blow of my life (in short, cheated, but quite in different way). I had attempted suicide duing my college, but somehow I got over that tendency, thanks to few friends. But at this point, I have no one who I can turn, except for one family memeber, whom I cannot pour out all this stuff. Lately I have been feeling so suffocated that the suicide thoughts do pop. But I know I won't be coward (or that brave, in other sense). Still, life seems so meaningless. Now my parents are looking out a guy for me to get settled down with. I try to divert myself, keeping the past aside, hoping that a new life will be waiting. But the past sometimes just intervenes my present, and the building hope just get destroyed. Moreover, the guys I meet just seem to lack a life or passion, which I really am not into.   I do have a decent job, in worldly terms. But the job sucks to a great deal as it just a mechanical work. The colleague are so opinionated, comments and full of ego and attitude. on the surface they try me to get mingle with them but they treat as if I am invisble. thsi just worsens my already fucked self and life.   I have no faint idea why I rambled here. Maybe it just brought out the locked emotions that is emptying me more and more every assing minute. Sometimes I do realize I need medical help, but I just prefer reaching that stage when i just can't come back. But at same time, I want live life to the full. I have tried to too, but the family and their emotional blackmail just wouldn't let me to (fyi, my family's opinion and my perception are poles apart). There have been tiem when I just wnat to run away, once have packed to too, but the outcoem won't be good - both for my family and me.   I am not seeking any advice, for I very well know, its juts a phase of life, it will pass through, and it might bring a lot of chnages in me (it already has). It's just that after reading his story, my emotions just broke the dam of silence.   Thanks for patiently reading it.

Anonymous

I don't know how n where but just do it n reply me only after doin this ! Talk to the person who likes you, admires you, calls you with different names n talks alot to you ! This will be the reaction, you WILL feel good ! These are not the solutions for what you feel but do it n only then reply me ..!

Jyotsna Kharat

You might just be looking for another challenge. I've been through the Indian educational system and being an ardent follower of Ayn Rand, I can understand what you're going through. At some point, every one inspired from Ms. Rand's philosophy feels like a Howard Roark or a Hank Rearden. You said, you tried looking for answers in religious texts, I guess you were looking in the wrong place. Try philosophical literature perhaps. You said, you had a deep interest in Computer Sciences and did your masters from an IIT, so I'm assuming you're in an IT professional. I'd say, you need to go backpacking. Pick up some of your important stuff, put it in a bag and go for a trek maybe. Coorg, Sandakhpu, anywhere for as much long as you feel like. Hitchhike across the country, interact with people from different walks of life. Learn to play an instrument (if you don't already) violin, percussions, a guitar anything that is your kind of music. People might prescribe talking to a medical professional for help or to share your thoughts, but I'd say you need be alone with your thoughts, you need to let them evolve. A marriage does not excite you? How about starting a company? Or working with an NGO? Or teaching underprivileged kids? Or working as a political campaigner? Or a trek instructor? How about deciding, to quit your uninteresting job, going out, backpacking through the country, finding what you are passionate about and pursuing that? Not this? Then whatever you feel like doing! Want to go sky-diving? Do it! You feel deprived of your creativity? Maybe, it's just your environment. Also, it's perfectly okay to be a loner.

Anonymous

Take a break, join an NGO, offer yourself to serve others who are in dire need for affection/support. May be you can join Territorial Army ( again, its volunteer service) and explore the sensitive issues that they tackle, if you are gainfully employed. Stop thinking about the failure in not having a girlfriend, believe me there is lot more in life than just having a girlfriend, and the moment you stop bothering yourself for this failure, you will gradually overcome other darkness as well. Correct me if I am wrong, but from the description that you have shared as is, I am assuming that you are not an athlete in your life so far, i mean, you have never been into sports ( outdoor ). If that is the case, then my dear friend, just go out on the field, and PLAY ! Believe me, there ain't anything like Playing a sport. Nothing on this earth can match the effect of refreshing yourself than by playing. It is the best recreational activity one can afford, because it is for free. May be I am being casual here, but for some days, go man, try it out, join a local football team in your neighbourhood, kick some balls, get injured, hit someone hard, shout out loud. 'Express Yourself'. And if you have free time out of your itinary, plan a trip man. Weather these days is favorable, go for hiking. You may argue that all this can't be done forever and you may get back into darkness after a while. But no, it won't be like that if you iterate such activities whenever you feel you have time or that darkness is pulling you back into state-of-zero. And out there in the city, in your vicinity, you may find a few good people who will listen to you, will appreciate you for what skills you have. So, build your circle with such souls. Because, as you have mentioned in one comment on Pragati's answer, that it is always you who gives advice to his friends. So may be you are having a paucity of guys who can talk with you on things that you wanted to share, who can help you out by understanding your conscience. You, for some time, need to be the listner, and let some wise heads be the Speaker. It will work, for a change. Take a piece of plain paper and pen, write down the things in one column that you had actually wanted till now, In other column, write down what you have got ( no matter by force or whatever) till now. For eg: You wanted to be a philosopher, but you are an engineer. Like that. Now try to realize what was the purpose of becoming a philosopher. Lets say, you wanted to become X, but became Y. But that doesn't mean that you cannot have that X-stuff in you stil. This is when you need to sometimes live with the reality, but at the same time, you need to keep going forward to attain it someday, in whatever form. Its like, we do most of the things in life, just for the sake of doing something ( because this is what our family, society expects from us ). But we can still adhere to our interests if we really want to, if the zeal to cherish your desires is alive and kicking, then nothing will stop you follow your interest. Lastly, do almost everything that scares you. Face every weird situation that you don't want to. Believe me, this will result in a massive transition within you, and then life will become wonderful. :) (Spare me for typos) ! Good Luck there ! ~Cheerio - " A Once-Frustrated Soul ".

Anonymous

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