Does not being able to feel any attachments necessarily mean that I am clinically depressed? What should I do?

Question

Pragati Singh · Answer

You might be depressed, and it could be clinical if it's hampering your everyday life and if it's been around for typically more than 2 weeks. But that says nothing about you, okay? Don't be scared of the label. Plus, it's treatable.

I am not a psychiatrist/psychologist, but I would suggest you the following

1. Take a deep breath and accept the way you're feeling right now. 
Know that it is normal to respond to difficult situations differently from others. Let yourself be. Also know that MANY people out there have felt this, and that they have gone on to live happy fulfilled lives after their struggles. 
A lot of your anxiety is probably caused by not what's happening in your life, but how you're feeling about it. "What's wrong with me? Why am I feeling like this? Is this normal?" Forget about that. I repeat, this happens to MANY people. Hold on to yourself.

2. Understand your mind. 
Understand that when someone is truly depressed, their view of the world, of life, of themselves and other people gets a bit skewed, mostly towards negative/hopeless/worthless. Understand that the things you're feeling right now, the way you are perceiving things, is NOT necessarily how it is happening/ will feel at a later point in life. Know that your brain/mind, as a result of it's current condition, is making you look at things negatively. Take everything with a pinch of salt, for some time.

3. Talk to someone. 
Do you have a close friend/family member who you can trust and just talk to? Anyone? They don't have to be problem solvers. I believe a good long confession, the way you've done above, might help. 
If you have no-one you want to share this with, you can call up on one of the many helplines that exist in India, where one can call and just talk to counselors. Give that a try, maybe. If not that too, keep a journal. Use it for 
a) Getting all of the negativity out.
b) To remind yourself of all the good in you and your life.

4. Safeguard yourself. 
I believe you have had no thoughts of self harm so far this time, but if you do, make sure to tell someone right away. It can be anybody, a friend or a family member or a neighbour or call up a helpline. (Aasra is one, available 24x7 in India). 
If you feel there is any danger to yourself or others from you, make a pact with a close friend/family member. Ask them to watch you. Nothing is more valuable than your life.

5. Take a break off of facebook for a while maybe. 
It is on facebook that we see THE most rosy parts of people's lives and start evaluating our own lives against them. 
'Everyone around is getting married, having a party, traveling, eating delicious food, and enjoying all of it.. What the fk is wrong with me? Where am I headed? Why don't I feel like that?' No. Do not believe your brain when it does this trick on you. Nobody's going to post a pic of themselves crying/having a fight/puking/not enjoying a party. 
Know this for a fact, that what you see on social networking sites, is the best of the best times the few people who are currently living the best parts of their lives want the world to see. It is not the complete picture. There's a lot that goes behind the scenes.

6. Interests change, interests stay. 
Why worry about those that do not hold your interest anymore? Let them go. For those that remain after so many years, why wouldn't you want to try? I had developed a similar resentment towards education when I was being forced to study what I didn't want to. My scores dropped crazily too. I hated studying and books, for the longest time. 
I had pretty much similar interests as you when I was a teenager, add Psychology to it. I ended up graduating in medicine instead, thanks to family pressure. 1.5 years of being lost later, I have realised that I still have an interest in Psychology (not a medical field, btw). I have decided to try pursuing it. Now.

7. Creativity.
Oh, I know exactly what you mean. I have seen myself go from an extremely creative teenager to a rather uninterested adult. This, I believe would require some hard work on your part, to rekindle that spark. It will be difficult, but you know you want it.
I used to write poems too. I also used to sketch, play musical instruments, do crafts, and sing. 5.5 years of medical school later, I find it hard to feel the same way about them. I have decided to push myself back into them. No-one else can help this. You want it? Go get it.

8. Take a break, get some sunlight and exercise.
Your lack of interest in your current job seems to come up several times in your question details. Why don't you try taking a break? 2 weeks maybe? 2 weeks in which you could a) find a better job and b) do something fun for yourself. 
You like to read? You like to be alone? Great. Take a book and travel somewhere. If nothing else, go out in the sun more often than you have been lately. Walk/run/exercise whichever way you like. It has helped thousands of people. 
Stand at a busy crossing and observe the magnitude of life around you, replete with all the smells and the noise.

9. Existential grief/anxiety.
The way your response to the small joys of life is "What for?" and your statements such as "Maybe in trying to understand this universe, I have failed so miserably that all the will to live has gone out of me." make me feel that you may be suffering from what is called existential sadness. It happens to most of us, but more so to some of us. It's as distressing as it is enlightening. Know that everybody's life is as meaningful and as meaningless as that. 
Walk through a hospital. Really, do this. And think about how so many people are struggling SO hard to just survive. That is how precious life is. How so many people around you at that moment would give anything to be as able as you are.

10. See a therapist: For the loss of excitement/enthusiasm/curiosity, emotional numbness, feelings of emptiness.
This is what makes it sound like you might be going through depression, to me. Please know that you will not always feel like this. It is your mind making you feel or not feel a certain way currently. 
Get help. I know it's harder to find in India, but help is available. Use it.

You can also write in to me anytime.Disclaimer:

This answer is not a substitute for professional medical advice. This answer is for general informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or (in the United States) 911 immediately. Always seek the advice of your doctor before starting or changing treatment. Quora users who provide responses to health-related questions are intended third party beneficiaries with certain rights under Quora's Terms of Service (http://www.quora.com/about/tos [ https://www.quora.com/about/tos ]).

Mark Savchuk · Answer

I had a VERY similar experience, not exactly how you write it, but very very close.

As you said "as if the human inside of me died". I sometimes feel that way as well.

1st thing - not to worry or do anything stupid. Yes you are a bit depressed, but please man, first of all - take it easy, happens to everyone from time to time. I think you underestimate the fact that A LOT of people think similar things at some point in life.

I am also mid 20s - 23, I have a good paying job (for Ukraine I mean, if we measure by western standards, I am being paid a minimum wage, but in Ukraine, in Kiev, its still twice the average salary being paid in the capital, its not bad for the first job).

I have also some close friends, and I am also kind of an introvert (although I would call it a "being too smart for your own good" syndrome. If you are intelligent and very well educated - you will find lots of things boring, and lots of people boring as well.

So.... CHALLENGE yourself. There are still A TONE of people smarter than you and that achieved more - so why don't you connect with them. In my personal experience, these people motivate me for achieving more.

After all life is period of time when you can act. So logically speaking, the smartest thing you can do is act.

Never think that you actions DON'T make a difference - they do. Give some money to charity, help some local events organized for kids with disabilities, you will feel that you blood will start pumping again.

Also - do some sports. In my personal opinion, physical health brings up mental health with it, your body learns to relax more because of the physical stress. You will stop feeling "half asleep" all the time.

Also - try something new and ridiculous. I know that might sound stupid... but:) what about a porn star escort? That will spice things up a bit, then try some racing, a bit of adrenalin will be beneficial.

After you flush your organism from "half alive" state - take a walk in the park - long walk, do it alone, without headphones... Just walk around, look at the sun, at the sky, at the trees and ask yourself - WHAT DO I WANT TO DO - HOW DO I WANT TO ACT.

Just trust your feelings - they will tell you the answer.

Just do it:)

Anonymous · Answer

When I was in my early to mid-twenties I went through a situation similar to this. I'll add the caveat that I had no skills in the STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Math) fields though I thought of myself as an intelligent person of understanding. What I did love, like you, was reading, literature, and writing.

What I didn't love was myself. I looked at myself and my place in the world and how if I had a position outside of time and space, if I could look down on my life with perspective instead of trapped in the day to day muck I would find that I was nothing but a bit-player, a second rate actor with hardly a speaking role in a major motion picture.

I tried to take my own life because I felt so useless.

I'm writing this now so you can assume the obvious. I wasn't even successful at suicide. Don't take that last line lightly. In the months and years that have followed that final failing really was one of the hardest things for me to come to grips with.

Hindsight has better than perfect vision, it's got superman-style x-ray vision. And now if I were to frame that time (a long painful time that, when I was in it, did not seem like it could ever be worth all the pain) I see that time as a sort of fertilizer, most of the mental toughness I have today grew out of that time.

You see prior to my madness (which is how I term it when I think about it to myself; not depression, or a quarter life crisis) all I loved was reading, writing and attention. Probably not in that order. After that period I learned the value of solitude. I also dove into studying engineering (I was just accepted to a well respected - not the best of the best, but I'm running this race against myself not the rest of the world and this is a major step forward for me - engineering program in the States) which with some hard work and maybe a little luck I'll complete in two years. I still write. I've written several novels, at the University I plan to submit science and technology articles to the school paper and begin building a writing portfolio.

If I was to measure my life against everyone else and assume that there was some standard out there (3-17 school, 18-22 college, 22-65 job, 23ish-death family) that I was supposed to follow I would still be failing miserably. And I see all the cookie-cutter lives around me that really do seem happy and content with the well-trod path that they are on. But my life had to be lived for me, there simply isn't another choice. Even if I spent all the rest of my days altruistically giving my life to caring for the indigent and poor I would still be doing that for my own sense of well-being. But I don't feed the poor and I do disappoint my family sometimes. Other times I disappoint myself. That's just part of it all. But there are other times too. Times when I impress my family and surprise even myself.

I can't tell you what to do. I can't tell you if you'd be better off with psychologist and medication to fight through your depression or if you need to explore this darkness with-in, that painful place, then come out again and tell the world about what you found. This is your life. This is your choice. Now choose.

(Oh, and I had a major passion for Ayn Rand myself. Though she has become less and less impressive when I've reread her through the years. Another author who had an even larger impact on me growing up was an author named Robert Heinlein. He and Ayn Rand had similar philosophies with regards to self-reliance. But Heinlein actually understood what it takes to invent real machines and have the sort of intelligence that Ayn Rand loved to write about...but never really had herself. I suggest starting with his late work, the early stuff is geared towards a much younger audience.)

Anonymous · Answer

I wouldn't answer this question if not asked because it's not my style to offer advice that can sound hurtful.

The following is going to sound disjointed because I simply don't have the time to organize all my thoughts. Still, I believe your question deserves an honest response, so here goes...

For starters, I think you'll have to outgrow Ayn Rand. It's not that everything she writes is wrong — just most of it. It's an empty belief system that takes people in the wrong direction. After reading your description I'd say her beliefs are exacerbating your problems. (As if your problem is a raging fire and you're trying to put it out with kerosine.)

The following is recycled and reworked from a previous answer to better fit your question.

%3E "We are not physical beings having a spiritual experience; we are spiritual beings having a physical experience." - Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

Accept the possibility that you lack of attachment might be a good thing. Or at least have benefits.

What you wrote reminded me of a few other favorite quotes.

%3E It happens that the stage sets collapse. Rising, streetcar, four hours in the office or the factory, meal, streetcar, four hours of work, meal, sleep, and monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday., Friday, and Saturday accourding to the same rhythm. This path is easily followed most of the time, But one day the "why" arises and every,thing begins in that weariness tinged with amazement, "Begins"--this is important, Weariness comes at the end of the acts of the mechanical life, but at the same time it inaugurates the impulse of consciousness, It awakens consciousness and provokes what follows. What follows is the gradual return into the chain or it is the definitive awakening. At the end of the awakening comes, in time, suicide or recovery. In itself weariness has something sickening about it. Here it must conclude that it is good. For evething begins with consciousness and nothing is worth anything except through it. 
      - Albert Camus

I've been on a spiritual path for more than forty years and everything I've learned along the way can be summarized by the title of the first book that crossed my path and changed my life. "Be Here Now."

One of the things many of the people I met on "the path" helped me understand was that there's a difference between being spiritual and pretending to be spiritual. Being spiritual means letting go of the ego. Pretending to be spiritual is the opposite of letting go. It's saying, "look at how special I am for being spiritual." The reason for this is that a lot of people who try the spiritual route do so because they feel like losers. As a result, they try to wear spirituality instead of living it in order to feel special. Unfortunately, it's the pettiest kind of feeling special.

%3E "In democratic society each citizen is habitually busy with the contemplation of a very petty object, which is himself." - Alexis de Toqueville

We're all sharing the most incredible miracle imaginable and few realize it and fewer still appreciate it. Why, because most of us frit away our short time on earth ignoring what really matters because we're obsessing over pathetic trivialities and diversions.

Nothing is real. We're optical illusions made up of empty space. It's all just a mystical trip that will be over in the wink of an eye.

Our physical bodies are like rent-a-vehicles intended to get us from birth to death so we can do a little sightseeing in between. Imagine lucky space travelers getting the chance to visit an amazing planet and then getting so involved with maintaining and showing off (or being ashamed of) the rental vehicles they're arbitrarily assigned that they miss the entire trip. That's what happens to most people. If you can accept your "vehicle" for what it is (transportation), you can use the time most people waste on the insignificant and finite to genuinely appreciating the infinite.

I'm going to leave you with two more quotes that I hope will help you understand that you don't need a new life, you need a new perspective.

The first is a popular Zen saying, "Before Enlightenment chop wood carry water, after Enlightenment, chop wood carry water."

The second is from Carlos Castenada.

%3E A man of knowledge chooses a path with heart and follows it and then he looks and rejoices and laughs and then he sees and knows. He knows that his life will be over altogether too soon. He knows that he as well as everybody else is not going anywhere. He knows because he sees.

%3E 	Nothing is more important than anything else. In other words a man of knowledge has no honor, no dignity, no family, no name, no country but only life to be lived and under these circumstances his only tie to his fellow man is his controlled folly. Thus a man of knowledge endeavors and sweats and puffs and if one looks at him he is just like any ordinary man, except that the folly of his life is under control. Nothing being more important than anything else, a man of knowledge chooses any act and acts it out as if it matters to him. His controlled folly makes him say that what he does matters and makes him act as if it did and yet he knows that it doesn’t, so when he fulfills his acts he retreats in peace, and whether his acts were good or bad or worked or didn’t is in no way part of his concern.

Anonymous · Answer

I have experienced the same detachment numerous times over the last few years.

A good idea people suggest is to tell it to someone or relatives. But I won't suggest that because from personal experience, I can tell that, your relatives and friends can't understand your way of thinking and it would be an another disappointment.

Every 6 months or so, I open up a text file and blurt it all out. And in doing so, rationality is the key. Try to rationalize your thought process to yourself first.

This way you will not demean your existence. A great start will be to come out of your shell and accept that you are having problems or enlightenment, depending on as you see it.

PS: Remove that anonymous tag, that would be a great first step. You are unique and special in thinking all this and that is not a thing to feel ashamed about.

Anonymous · Answer

Minus the profession and loving family, my situations are almost same. And sometimes being a girl just makes it all the more tougher. 
 
Off late I wanted to seek help and was about to knock for advice from here. But I refrained as i think this is most demeaning thing (I do think it's okay to help at times, but in a public forum baring all this - I can say I don't have the guts, and you have. So appreciate that part of you. 
 
I have had quite relationships issues, met some wrong guy (so much so that I actually started avoiding guys altogether, esp married men). I lost belief on relationships some tiem back when I got the blow of my life (in short, cheated, but quite in different way). I had attempted suicide duing my college, but somehow I got over that tendency, thanks to few friends. But at this point, I have no one who I can turn, except for one family memeber, whom I cannot pour out all this stuff. Lately I have been feeling so suffocated that the suicide thoughts do pop. But I know I won't be coward (or that brave, in other sense). Still, life seems so meaningless. Now my parents are looking out a guy for me to get settled down with. I try to divert myself, keeping the past aside, hoping that a new life will be waiting. But the past sometimes just intervenes my present, and the building hope just get destroyed. Moreover, the guys I meet just seem to lack a life or passion, which I really am not into. 
 
I do have a decent job, in worldly terms. But the job sucks to a great deal as it just a mechanical work. The colleague are so opinionated, comments and full of ego and attitude. on the surface they try me to get mingle with them but they treat as if I am invisble. thsi just worsens my already fucked self and life. 
 
I have no faint idea why I rambled here. Maybe it just brought out the locked emotions that is emptying me more and more every assing minute. Sometimes I do realize I need medical help, but I just prefer reaching that stage when i just can't come back. But at same time, I want live life to the full. I have tried to too, but the family and their emotional blackmail just wouldn't let me to (fyi, my family's opinion and my perception are poles apart). There have been tiem when I just wnat to run away, once have packed to too, but the outcoem won't be good - both for my family and me. 
 
I am not seeking any advice, for I very well know, its juts a phase of life, it will pass through, and it might bring a lot of chnages in me (it already has). It's just that after reading his story, my emotions just broke the dam of silence. 
 
Thanks for patiently reading it.

William Wang · Answer

I was once (or still am) in this state of confusion and detachment. I would love to offer you some advice or sympathy. But I'm not sure how. 
 
So what i am going to do is say some harsh words to you. As it always works for me when i dwell in negative emotions. It sobers me up and allows me to see the world from a different perspective.  Don't get me wrong, I’m not trying to offend you or anything. If you don't like what i'm about to say, just ignore it and take it as I’m not on the same intellectual level as you are and i don't know what i'm talking about.
 
Ok, I get it. You are very intelligent. But guess what? You are not the only smart person out there. Even if you had a top 0.001% IQ, that still leaves you with 7 million people as smart as you. So you think just because you smart, life should give you all the opportunity in the world on a silver platter? 
 
We live in the 21st century, where information is easily accessible. You don’t have to go to the TOP University to be good at something. Don’t lie to yourself by thinking you won’t ever be successful because you didn’t get in to a top university. 
You like physics? Well study it. Read all the books you can. Talk to professionals; see what the industry is like. Don’t stop till you become a world renowned physicist.
You like English? , well start writing, get published. Don’t stop till you win a Nobel Prize. 
But Noooo, you rather give up. Ask yourself this question. Is there something innately inferior of you that you can’t do what others have done?
 
You fell in love? And then? Just because you get rejected, don’t mean you need to stop loving her. 
You keep on showing her how much you care about her and that you love her with all your heart.
Again, love is not about acceptance and rejection. “love is unconditional”. If you don’t even know this, then you’ve been wasting time reading about philosophy.
 
The problem is not that you don’t feel attachment or don’t have a goal in life.
The problem is that you are a failure, you fail at showing affection, you failed at communication, and you fail at every goal you have set.
 
Now, what are you going to do about it?
Life is difficult. Life is not a test you can study for or a book you can read. 
You can either accept defeat or you can start doing something about it!!!

Annette Smith · Answer

The experience of clinical depression is devastating. You feel worthless, tired, heavy and miserable. You can't eat, or you eat too much. You can't sleep, or you sleep all the time. Nothing is pleasurable, everything takes more effort than you can muster. Even the things that used to make you happy seem tarnished and trite. You can barely remember enjoying them at all.

Taking a shower seems insurmountable. You feel intense shame, guilt and overwhelming sadness. It seems rational that the ones who love you would be better off without you. You may not be actively suicidal, but the thought is there.

You have no concentration, and your basic cognitive functioning is seriously impaired, which just confirms your belief that you are basically stupid. You feel like you will never feel any better, that this is your reality. It is hard to remember any time when you felt ok.

You feel completely alone and isolated from your friends and family. You isolate yourself further, either because the effort of talking to someone is too much or to protect people from the dumb, lazy, miserable person you really are. You may be able to bumble your way through days at work and home, but you are not really connecting or getting anything done well.

All of this further contributes to the depression, and your general feelings of worthlessness. Not a fun place to be. You really need help to get out of the pit, but you are in no shape to ask for help. You are probably convinced that you don't deserve help, or that no help will fix this.

Gradually, your friends stop calling, your partner becomes frustrated with your lack of participation, your children are miserable and the rest of your family just don't know what to do. The best part is when some otherwise intelligent loved one tells you to "just pull yourself together", as if you were somehow doing this to yourself or were indulging in general laziness. See the above comments about shame and guilt.

This is an illness, not a character flaw, but you feel like you are basically not worth the effort. You need a therapist, and maybe some meds, not Dr. Phil. You need someone to tell you that this is not your fault, and that you can get better and rejoin the world, but that is hard to understand for you and unfortunately for the ones around you.

Anonymous · Answer

Take a break, join an NGO, offer yourself to serve others who are in dire need for affection/support.

May be you can join Territorial Army ( again, its volunteer service) and explore the sensitive issues that they tackle, if you are gainfully employed.

Stop thinking about the failure in not having a girlfriend, believe me there is lot more in life than just having a girlfriend, and the moment you stop bothering yourself for this failure, you will gradually overcome other darkness as well.

Correct me if I am wrong, but from the description that you have shared as is, I am assuming that you are not an athlete in your life so far, i mean, you have never been into sports ( outdoor ).
If that is the case, then my dear friend, just go out on the field, and PLAY !
Believe me, there ain't anything like Playing a sport. Nothing on this earth can match the effect of refreshing yourself than by playing.
It is the best recreational activity one can afford, because it is for free.
May be I am being casual here, but for some days, go man, try it out, join a local football team in your neighbourhood, kick some balls, get injured, hit someone hard, shout out loud. 'Express Yourself'.

And if you have free time out of your itinary, plan a trip man.
Weather these days is favorable, go for hiking.

You may argue that all this can't be done forever and you may get back into darkness after a while.
But no, it won't be like that if you iterate such activities whenever you feel you have time or that darkness is pulling you back into state-of-zero.

And out there in the city, in your vicinity, you may find a few good people who will listen to you, will appreciate you for what skills you have. So, build your circle with such souls. Because, as you have mentioned in one comment on Pragati's answer, that it is always you who gives advice to his friends.
So may be you are having a paucity of guys who can talk with you on things that you wanted to share, who can help you out by understanding your conscience.
You, for some time, need to be the listner, and let some wise heads be the Speaker.
It will work, for a change.

Take a piece of plain paper and pen, write down the things in one column that you had actually wanted till now,
In other column, write down what you have got ( no matter by force or whatever) till now.
For eg: You wanted to be a philosopher, but you are an engineer. Like that.

Now try to realize what was the purpose of becoming a philosopher.
Lets say, you wanted to become X, but became Y.

But that doesn't mean that you cannot have that X-stuff in you stil.

This is when you need to sometimes live with the reality, but at the same time, you need to keep going forward to attain it someday, in whatever form.

Its like, we do most of the things in life, just for the sake of doing something ( because this is what our family, society expects from us ).
But we can still adhere to our interests if we really want to, if the zeal to cherish your desires is alive and kicking, then nothing will stop you follow your interest.

Lastly, do almost everything that scares you.
Face every weird situation that you don't want to.
Believe me, this will result in a massive transition within you, and then life will become wonderful. :)

(Spare me for typos) !

Good Luck there !
~Cheerio

- " A Once-Frustrated Soul ".

Anonymous · Answer

You might just be looking for another challenge.

I've been through the Indian educational system and being an ardent follower of Ayn Rand, I can understand what you're going through. At some point, every one inspired from Ms. Rand's philosophy feels like a Howard Roark or a Hank Rearden.

You said, you tried looking for answers in religious texts, I guess you were looking in the wrong place. Try philosophical literature perhaps.

You said, you had a deep interest in Computer Sciences and did your masters from an IIT, so I'm assuming you're in an IT professional.

I'd say, you need to go backpacking. Pick up some of your important stuff, put it in a bag and go for a trek maybe. Coorg, Sandakhpu, anywhere for as much long as you feel like. Hitchhike across the country, interact with people from different walks of life.

Learn to play an instrument (if you don't already) violin, percussions, a guitar anything that is your kind of music.

People might prescribe talking to a medical professional for help or to share your thoughts, but I'd say you need be alone with your thoughts, you need to let them evolve.

A marriage does not excite you? How about starting a company? Or working with an NGO? Or teaching underprivileged kids? Or working as a political campaigner? Or a trek instructor?

How about deciding, to quit your uninteresting job, going out, backpacking through the country, finding what you are passionate about and pursuing that?

Not this? Then whatever you feel like doing! Want to go sky-diving? Do it!

You feel deprived of your creativity? Maybe, it's just your environment.

Also, it's perfectly okay to be a loner.

Rajesh Santu · Answer

Boss, i do not know what kind of situations you are in. I have been also the same state some time before. It made me mad, loose everything. You also seem little like me regarding the way you view the science, philosophy, and books.

Try something like this
1) Get your work done as soon as possible at your work place. 
2) Do not think too much about anything.
3) Get involved with any activity that you feel really interested from bottom of your heart.
4) Do not think in the opposite direction about the relations whether it may be towards parents or friends.
5) Try not to be to introvert.
6) Join some organizations like IFOCUS which is in hyderabad, which can develop positive nature and passion for life. 
7) Do not feel too constrained with what ever you are facing, only thing you have to do is JUST TAKE LIFE AS IT COMES BUT IT SHOULD YOUR WAY THE WAY YOU PERCEIVE THINGS.
8) Remember going crazy things is not wrong. Take a break from all the pressure you fell.
9) Feeling no bonding is probably because you might have been alone for a long time. Don be alone. Try to be with people.

BEST SUGGESTION START WRITING EVERYTHING ON A PAPER WHAT YOU FEEL, WHAT YOU WANT TO DO AND ALSO PROBABLY START WRITING YOUR MASTER PIECE.

Wishing you all the best.

Anonymous · Answer

Dude, Just take a two minute pause, do you know where the problem is ? you think too much. You think that you are lonely, nobody loves you and many more shitty things but life is not about thinking all the time YOU GOTTA DO SOME, PERIOD .You have to learn to conquer every moment you have. Tie your life to some goal , put your head down and get to work. Try to enjoy the moments and do what you love. Listen to rap music, move cool, stay your head to the sky and your feet to the ground. You need some attitude bro, you know what I am talking and try to wear some of these sometimes

Sarosh Sohail · Answer

Depression is not hiding in your room and weeping all day.

No, it is not like this. It is a certain feeling of emptiness and purposelessness.

The problem is that you got stuck in a middle condition. You are neither a normal person nor a patient on the bed. You are an empty human.

* You feel a certain kind of pressure on your heart but it is neither physical nor abstract. You just feel a certain pressure.
I confirmed it from a youtube video. So you cannot tell people that you are having heart problems. It is more a feeling than real pain.

* The second thing that everything seems a blur. You many times cannot keep a track of time. You do not know when you slept and when you woke up. But every time you wake you just want to sleep. No inspiration to get up. You start suspecting that you are suffering from narcolepsy.
 * You lose purpose and inspiration. Nothing motivates you. Your life goals matter nothing. You question your existence. You feel that something is missing and you are to find it but you do not know what?
 * You fear failure but do not know how to work hard. You feel heavy and tired.
Walkin' out of town
Lookin' for a better place (lookin' for a better place)
Something's on my mind
Always in my headspace

* Whenever you laugh or smile it seems empty. It seems a meaningless action. You still know what is hope but do not know how to be an optimist. You still know what is positivity but do not how to get rid of negativity. You can write an inspirational speech, you can inspire others but cannot inspire yourself.
 * Sleep is your best friend. You just sleep and sleep to avoid all the circumstances.
 * You become negligent of self-care. No diet routine, no sleeping routine, no exercise. You just ignore your health and physique.
 * In normal conditions, a good cry lightens your heart but this time the case is different. Your heart becomes heavier.
 * You may become suicidal. You pray for your death. You think the world is a prison. It is not a place to live. It is even worse than hell.
 * You do not give opinions in any matter and do not plan anything cause nothing matters to you whether your goals or your loved ones.
 * You just want to be alone because you are already lonely even sitting in a group of friends. You do not want to talk. You start feeling fine with it.
Isn't it lovely, all alone?
Heart made of glass, my mind of stone
Tear me to pieces, skin and bone
Hello, welcome home

The worst thing is that people would not understand your situation. They will think that you are sad, you are tense, you are anxious but no. You feel NOTHING.

* You wonder whether you will be happy ever again. You even forget how it is like to be really happy. You think you are insane and will never be normal again.
Thought I found a way
Thought I found a way, yeah (found)
But you never go away (never go away)
So I guess I gotta stay now

Oh, I hope someday I'll make it out of here
Even if it takes all night or a hundred years
Need a place to hide, but I can't find one near
Wanna feel alive outside, I can't fight my fear

(Lyrics is of song “Lovely”-Billie Eilish and Khalid. It defines these feelings precisely)

That is how depression feels like.

It cannot be imagined, it cannot be felt, it can be just experienced. So, do not tell it to the people who have no experience with it, it causes more depression.

Even if it is cured it leaves a mark on your personality forever. You always retreat back into the depressed state even at little problems. Depression becomes your worst fear. But you really learn from it. It is pain of the soul, indeed.

Thanks for reading!

Abhishek Tr · Answer

Hollow.

It’s Friday morning, 7 am, and your alarm tries its level best to wake you up for yet another so-called beautiful day, but heck, you know better. It’s another day you’re gonna pull through because you’ve got no other option in reality. You sigh the first thing in the morning, drop your dead legs on the floor, and sit staring at the blank wall. You wanna go back to bed again and pretend that you don’t exist but in an hour your office cab would be down there honking like it’s the end of the world.

You drag yourself to the shower, start wondering if you really need a bath, sleep a little standing there in front of the mirror with the brush and walk out 20 minutes later. You look at the clock again and feel like you’re living the same bloody day over and over again. You shove in some flakes, a glass of cold milk because you don’t give a shit about warmth anymore, and with intermittent sighs, get ready for office.

You drop some fake smiles as you meet your colleagues in the cab, find your corner, plug in the headphones pretending that you don’t belong to humankind, and doze off wondering what kinda trash your boss would throw at you that day. You reach the office, sigh a little more when you see that cubicle which looks like a life long trap for survival. You suffer for the rest of the day, faking your laughter, cribbing within yourself about things that’s not in your favour, browsing vaguely through social media sites not really looking for anything in particular, eating because your stomach grumbles, and leave at the end of the day, only to realise there’s nothing to do at home as well.

You throw your bag on the sofa, drop dead on the bean-bag, and start scrolling through Instagram and Facebook again. You don’t even envy the so-called perfect life of your friends anymore. You’ve lost your emotional muscles. You feel hungry, but thinking about the work involved in making dinner, you give it a skip and gulp in some packed junk. You drop a customary call to your parents who are oblivious to the fact that you’re living a grey life because you’ve perfected the art of deceiving them with your colourful lies. The otherwise Fri-yay still doesn’t get you excited because fuck, every day is just blank and purposeless. You wonder if booze would help or you should call your friends over, but you’ve already tried it for good and feel lonely even in their presence, so dump that.

You curse yourself for the mess you’re in, grab your laptop and binge on that web-series you’ve already watched, just to escape reality until you slip to sleep. But wait, sleep? You wish! You drape yourself with a blanket, turn on the AC and try those sleep-inducing techniques you learnt from superficial babas and multimillionaire self-help gurus.

1 hour.

2 hours.

Nothing.

You’re still staring at the ceiling recollecting all the regrets that are bundled up inside. The otherwise beautiful silence of the night starts to haunt you. You throw open the blanket, turn around, and try sleeping on your belly. Your memories flow in. Every single one of them. Crystal clear. The things you should’ve-could’ve done against the things that you have done.

You sit upright and stare at the balcony. Suddenly you remember those jumping scenes from movies where people get their heads crushed after diving from the top floor, so you put on some music and expect your brain to get distracted.

Hard luck again. Your brain derives sadistic pleasure in torturing you.

You feel like there’s a heavy sack of sand on your chest which you’re unable to push aside even a little. Whys, whats, and fucks start pouring in again! You wanna shout your guts outs, but hey, people around are gonna tag you as insane if you do that. So you get back to bed and just weep a little. What starts with a tear turns into an uncontrollable flow of emotions once a while, but before you know it, you fall asleep without acknowledging it. Finally!

Saturday morning and yay! Weekend.

You say screw it and go back to sleep instead, comfortably skipping breakfast and sometimes, even lunch. And thus life keeps slipping by and you’d be stuck in the never-ending whirlpool of hollowness and purposelessness. Every single day. You know it, you feel guilty about it, yet you let it be.

Sometimes you wonder if you’re just sad about things in life, but when this routine takes over for more than 3 months, you realise that you’re walking through the darkest phase of your life and you’re in deep trouble if you don’t do anything about it. Most people don’t and thus end up losing their lives altogether.

%3E Can I clear my conscience,
If I'm different from the rest,
Do I have to run and hide? 
I never said that I want this,
This burden came to me,
And it's made it's home inside.

-Monster

I’ll see you again. Until then..

Sayonara! [ https://www.quora.com/profile/Abhishek-Tr ]

Anonymous · Answer

I can’t believe that I ’m answering this question now. 2 years ago I would ask this question on Quora, and now I’m writing an answer for it. It feels weird honestly.

I even listen to the songs that I used to listen when I was depressed, in order for me to get into that emotional state again. I’ll explain later why.

So, back to your question.

How did you overcome severe depression ?

I’ll begin my short story by saying that you’re already on the right path. See, when you ask these kind of questions it means that you’re already fighting.

Every since I was a kid I knew something is wrong with me. I was too sensitive, I was too jealous, I was too shy, I even was too serious sometimes. So, because of all that in one beautiful sunny day, depression knocked on my door. I greeted it with love in the beginning, thinking that I really need to think about all the things that are going on in my life. So, I thought about depression as a benefit for me. I was so wrong…

It punched me so hard, I couldn’t stand up. I was on the ground confused and scared. Everything happened so quickly, I wasn’t prepared for it. When I was depressed, I would go online and read everything that people say and I would actually believe it.

One day, I read about this new method of infecting people with AIDS . They injected blood with AIDS in bananas, so when people would eat them they will get infected.

Note: After consulting a doctor, he told me that even if you eat that banana with the blood, you will not get infected. Because AIDS positive blood, can’t live more than 1-2 hours outside of a body. It will take at least 30 minutes to deliver the bananas to the store, and another hour to arrange them on the shelves. So, there is a small if not zero percentage to be infected.

So, one day I was sitting on the couch pilling my banana and watching TV. When I took a bite, the banana was hard and when I took a closer look at it, it had blood in it. And boy oh boy, that’s when Paranoia knocked on my door. I was so paranoid, and my depression was getting worse and worse, along with my paranoia. I couldn’t eat anything, and as a result I lost like 10 kg. What I did wrong, was going online and google-ing it again. People were saying that if you lose weight fast, it could be because of HIV/AIDS. I freaked out instantly.

It was getting worse and worse. So, I got to a point where it couldn’t get worse. It was worse than being worse. I lived with it for 3 months, it was like going through hell. During those 3 months, I was so scared, depressed, paranoid and nervous that all I wanted was to wake up and go to sleep as soon as possible.

After 3 months in hell, I had enough. I was looking for help, asking people to share their stories with me so I can calm down a little bit. I was constantly reading people’s stories on Quora, Medium and Facebook. I was in my room these 3 months, and if I’m not wrong I went outside only 5 times during these 3 months. I was refusing everyone when asked to go out, because I felt so insecure and scared I couldn’t think about anything else than AIDS and the fact that I will die soon.

One day, I decided to accept every invitation from my friends. And then I realized, I had no friends lol.

My girlfriend was going through hard times with me, because of my depression. So, I decided that I will never refuse any invitations from my girlfriend. Screw my depression, I will make her happy at least if I can’t make myself happy.

I accepted to go out to watch a movie. I was forcing myself to watch that movie, not that I didn’t like it but because my paranoia was on again. After that, I accepted to travel to Romania with her. My depression was getting better because I was focused on the things that she wanted to do.

Later. I accepted to travel to United States for 4 months. We were going on the beach, even tho I didn’t like the beach. We were going shopping which I didn’t like at the time. We were going out, which I found to be boring. But somehow, by forcing myself to do all those things, I forgot that I was depressed. I was so focused on making her happy, and by doing so I made myself happy.

We came back home, and I started to improve my life by forcing myself to learn new things. I was attending university at the time, studying programming. So, one day my girlfriend told me that the company that I always wanted to work for, are open to apply for internship. She forced me to go and see what’s all about.

After 2 weeks, I was accepted. And later after 3 months, I got officially hired. I was so happy, and my girlfriend was happy for me as well. Now, I’m no longer depressed because I do what I have to do, so I can do what I want to do.

Forcing yourself to do things that you don’t feel like doing, will pay later in life. It’s like investing your money in a company that are hungry to be successful. They will do whatever, just to get there.

However, there’s one thing you’ll have to keep in mind. Getting rid of your depression won’t take that long, it will take longer to heal the damage from it. One of the damage it did to me was, ruining my memory. In the beginning I wrote “I even listen to the songs that I used to listen when I was depressed, in order for me to get into that emotional state again. I’ll explain later why.”. It’s because I don’t remember those feelings. I don’t remember the feelings before my depression, nor after. My brain is damaged, so it loses some memories.

Sometimes I have to read what I’m writing twice, in order to remember what I was thinking about haha. So, sorry if my answer doesn’t make sense to you. I probably forgot what I was talking about.

My advice to you. Be strong. Do what you gotta do, so you can do what you want to do.

Best regards,

Nelu Tomsa

DK · Answer

I think I have been in the same boat as you for a long long time, but lets not dwell on that. And though I haven't read Ayn Rand , I think what you're dealing with at this point is existential crisis. 
I don't think the word depressed here means anything, because now you will understand that it is just a label.During these years I've understood the consequences of  being a non believer and its that life seems pointless and the values that you once held dearly and values that society holds high in regard are ultimately meaningless.
I would say that its normal for you to go through this phase because your belief systems have been shattered. As someone who has been through this situation and  also faces these questions time to time , here are my 2 cents:
 * Think about meaning: Now that there is no objective meaning , what is left?? I think we make our own meaning and so various aspects such as family, job , relationships etc matter to me. Think of the freedom you get now as a personal choice.You can make choices that you think are right and not what your religion says or what society says.
 * Stop seeking external validation: I think this would be the toughest part and even I'm working on it, but you need not worry if your friends or colleagues revel in things like parties, cricket matches etc. sort of things which I myself find pointless but everyone else enjoys. I personally enjoy things which appear meaningful to me such as socializing and meeting new people, trekking in natural landscape, trying to gain new experiences and learn new things. 
 * Date: Dude you're probably fooling yourself by saying I'm not interested in dating. Remember, the only biological imperative, the only thing that is apparently meaningful for all creatures is to mate and reproduce. Work on your social skills as I did by going to meetups(Meetup: find your people [ http://www.meetup.com/ ]). I did find some people with similar interests and also some amazing women.If you're going to hold yourself back on this, trust me you will regret missing the chance later. So go ahead caveman, find some cave woman.
 * Zen: I think the only useful philosophy that remains after nihilism is to be in the present moment and to understand that there is no end goal, but the process of achieving it. The present is full of amazing possibilities which is only possible when you've stopped thinking over things and started doing stuff. I always thought of weddings as boring family gatherings, but on my cousin's wedding this time I thought of enjoying every moment of it and guess what I had a conversation with an amazing girl. Unfortunately we live quite far , but she has promised to go for trekking with me this new year so I hope for the best.
You should know that you are incredibly lucky to have been born in a good family ,lived to your mid-twenties in good physical and mental shape.  And you know that this chance is for once and only once and the only aim should be to make the best possible use of it. You also know that failures and achievements are a part of this, so even they should not be given much thought. 
I think the meaning of life is life itself and the process of living it is to unfold the meaning every moment.

Leslie Soyster · Answer

I had an episode of Major Depression when I was 35. It was triggered by my daughter dying in utero at 24 weeks. It didn't really hit until the 1st anniversary came around. It completely messed over my brain. In addition to hopelessness, sadness, and helplessness, I wasn't able to concentrate on anything. I couldn't read a book. I was irritable, crying, just unbearable. I went to my Dr who saw it was depression. He put me on Prozac and referred me to a psychiatrist. It was a couple weeks before I could see him. He agreed with me that Prozac wasn't working. He put me on Wellbutrin, but it would take three weeks to know if it would work. Those weeks were hell. I saw the psychiatrist 3 times a week for support. At the end of the second week, I told him I couldn't do it anymore. We agreed I should be in the hospital.because I already had a plan to kill myself. While in hospital, we had group therapies and individual. We had activities to keep us calm and not stressed. We could only see family for one hour in the week. We learned the biological reasons behind depression, and the emotional traps you can get in. I was still taking my med. I will never ever forget this day. When the third week came, the darkness had lifted. I had no more suicidal thoughts. A couple days later I was released, but I continued with 2 or 3 times a week therapy. I think I had been depressed for years but it wasn't bad enough to make me realize it. Well, that doctor literally changed my life. I ended up on 3 meds with not many side effects. I went back to work and home. I had therapy for 5 years. Some things in my life had to change. It has now been 25 years. I still take meds. You know how you can tell if the cause is from brain chemistry? If the meds work. Otherwise meds would have had no effect. Of course exercise, diet and especially stress reduction are necessary. Depression is nothing to be ashamed of. It's an illness, like diabetes. Some people have it for 6 months and it goes away. Others, like me, will have to take it for life. Don't be afraid of meds if you have a good psychiatrist monitoring it. It saved my life.

Anonymous · Answer

I am 40 and have major depression disorder with GAD. I’ve been diagnosed since I was 15.

At 19 I got pregnant. I wasn’t taking meds at the time. I told my family and they didn’t talk to me for 6 months. Which made me depressed but I carried on.

At 20 I had a baby. I wasn’t married. I tried to stay with the baby’s father but it just didn’t work out. Tho I didn’t have boyfriends through out the years.

Durning my son’s early life I was dealing. I had good days and bad days. Smoked a lot of weed. After he went to bed. Not in front of him. I functioned at a high level.

Fast forward to my son’s teenage years. I got really bad. I wasn’t on the right meds. I didn’t want to do anything. I would yell. I couldn’t get out of bed. I was a mess. I didn’t clean I didn’t do anything. It affected him. He wasn’t doing well in school. He saw me as a hot mess. He didn’t bring friends around because the house was disgusting.

I got back on the correct meds and things got somewhat better. He is now 20 yrs old. I can see he has depression. He is following in my footsteps. I have tried over the years to explain why not to be me… I have cried and told him i’m Sorry.

I can’t really say having a child is a good idea or not. Everyone is different. But in my personal experience I know I have hurt my son. And probably screwed him up because of my depression. I still am glad I have him. I love him no matter what. I’m glad I didn’t get an abortion. But I will tell you. He is my only child and I never had another one. Because I knew I could do this to another kid.

That is my personal story.

Karishma · Answer

It's quite interesting; the kind that I won't even wish on my enemies.

I have an observation to share — depressed folks, specially those who have the clinical kind and have had this for quite some time have better than average sense of humour. They crack better jokes and pj(s) and puns. My theory is there are two things that are at work here (a) because they are so depressed they like to make other people laugh, it lets them feel better about themselves even if it's for a moment (b) they use it as an effective mask and camouflage. Like, who will suspect you of being depressed when you are cracking jokes?

And that is one major issue of being clinically depressed — you really obsess about not letting people know. It's really hard to seek help.

Triggered depression, because it's correlated to some event(s), is easier to understand.

Clinical depression can also get labeled as “attention seeking behavior” or “being lazy and difficult”. Which brings us to the next issue — depression makes people mean. I can be absolutely savage and need to watch my words constantly. It comes, in part, from having a low patience threshold and continuously being on edge and in part, from the belief that you don't deserve the care, love n' attention you are getting, so you push people away.

Which leads us to the next point — how it completely kills your sense of self-worth. You constantly feel guilty for every good thing that comes your way; you can't believe that people really would want to be your friends. Of course, you know you are good or cool or something but it never feels enough or okay. And you question everyone and everything who tries to be near you or care for you. And you feel so bad for taking up people's time, or space, or eating. Some days it becomes absolutely impossible to breath.

There are good days, sporadically. Not enough. And they leave you feeling even worse later because you allow yourself to feel good for some hours, maybe days and then you feel even more guilty.

It's like walking around with a 10 pound stone on your chest all the time and trying hard to hide it from other people. Sometimes you do put the stone down, and there are a few precious breaths of freedom but then it's back on the chest and onwards you continue.

Also, the constant fascination with death. Even if you are not suicidal you think about “ceasing” a lot.

As I said, I wouldn't wish it on my enemies.

%3E Originally Answered: What is it like to be clinically depressed?

David McPhee, Ph.D. · Answer

No. Obviously I can’t advise you in this forum, but I can say some general things. Clients are not “supposed to do anything but show up, which in itself is a big deal. Our job as therapists is to create the safest possible space for clients, to form a kind of connection with them if possible, but not until they feel fully ready. No feelings required, and certainly not attachment. Clients don’t even have to talk if they don’t want to. Start there. No pressure, no expectations. I congratulate clients for going to therapy. The client sets the pace of the therapy, and decides was is discussed. I guess I’m trying to show respect for all clients and your beginning to get therapy to address important issues — at their own speed.