Suggestions on how to psychologically cope with a skin condition?

I've got psoriasis, and in the winter I grow this dessert-plate sized patch on my head that feeds off the cold air. Just knowing it's there is depressing enough, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't self-conscious about it, wondering what sort of revulsion people might be experiencing - literally - behind my back. (And don't get me started about the pseudo-leprosy rotting my fingernails to shit...) One suggestion I can make is to take pride in the rest of your appearance. Wear clean, unwrinkled clothes that fit, shoes that aren't beat up, and carry yourself with confidence. You're going to hear umpteen people tell you that if someone is seeing you for your skin, they're not seeing you for you. It's not just a platitude. Do what you can do for yourself to feel good physically too. Accept that you can only do so much to ease your condition, and spend those tied-up emotions doing something to fix something else. Just because you can't control this condition to your satisfaction doesn't mean there aren't other things you can do to increase your ability to attract and retain a woman. (There's a certain amount of pot/kettle, or "those who can't do, teach" here, but I am completely comfortable in both my ill-fitting shirts and my hypocrisy.)

As peacecorn mentioned it is definitely to your psychological benefit to focus on the positive. Throughout my teens, I had horrible acne. I was an oozing, dripping, scarred mess. I was totally horrified, but you know what? It was OK. The only real difficulty was in my own head. It was tough dealing with fear and shame about something that I had no control over. So I let it go and went on with my life. I just had to say "fuck it". I'm still all scarred up and actually kinda ugly. But life is good and I wish that for you too! Hang in there!

Another psoriasis sufferer here, from a family where almost everyone was also a sufferer. Luckily, my case is fairly mild, but it's occasionally pretty obvious. I don't have the large scaly patches on elbows, etc. but I do have flaky dry skin on my face, splotchiness, and occasionally look like a freshly-created zombie. It was this way in high school, all through my 20's, and I'm now well into my 30s. It's still not as easy as "screw the people who don't like my genetic inheritance", but it's easier to handle mentally as I've gotten older. I still check my appearance often and take care of minimizing the appearance. Now, I realize you don't have the same condition and you can't take care of things the way I do. But hopefully commiseration helps a little and you can realize that while you may never completely get past the way you think that other people think of you, you can accept it and be "comfortable in your own skin " so to speak.

Vitamin A supplements, and keeping out of the sun until it cleared up, got rid of my rosacea. The plural of anecdote is not data, but Vitamin A is cheap, and safe as long as you don't go stupidly hog-wild with it (I just took enough to assure me of the recommended daily intake x2).

My family has been plagued with semi-serious skin conditions (rosacea, psoriasis, acne, skin lesions, large moles, etc.) for generations. Some dealt with it better than others, but some had more severe symptoms. From what I have both noticed and heard from other family members, the ones who stay in the house when they have outbreaks end up being much lonely, depressed, defeated, and self-conscious. People who have those conditions can give you advice on how to deal with the symptoms. On the dating front, I'd say that you should really concentrate on developing your personality and physique. (Many people are attracted to money, so if you can get a well-paying job then that will also help. Shallow, but true) Look confident, look like you are fun to be around, and hopefully women will take notice. Maybe they will, maybe they won't--but at least you'll have a better chance. You're lucky that you're a man because many more women than men seem to be able to look past physical appearance and appreciate what's on the inside. Also, make lots of female friends. They will be able to tell their friends how great your personality is set you up on dates. If you can get a woman's friends to like you, you're in. If you stay at home when your skin condition is severe, you'll look back on your life and regret not living it. That would be a terrible way to reflect on your life.

One more thing: if you judge people by their looks, try to stop. The more you judge others, the more you feel that the world is judging you. It will make you more paranoid. Read http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1878424505/metafilter-20/ref=nosim/.

On the medical side of things, I have found that dermatologists tend to focus on symptom control (cortisone, etc). Despite what some of them say, however, keep in mind that your diet, lifestyle, and stress levels do affect your symptoms quite a bit (and that changes in any of those will take a long time to propagate to your skin -- it will be difficult to figure out how to minimize your symptoms, but keep at it). By the way, that means that the additional stress you experience from worrying about your condition may worsen it. Learn to say "fuck it," for your own sake. Also, from what I know, rosacea is cyclical. Try focusing on the fact that a relapse is always on the way.

This may seem pithy, but one little nugget of wisdom I've learned in my short life is that self-confidence is always attractive. Always. And I guess the converse would be true, too: lack of confidence is always unattractive, even if you're a physically attractive person. I teach jr. high and high school kids, so I can regularly get a representation of society just within my classrooms. The beautiful kids, the ones who really shine, lead the class, laugh easily, listen and talk, stand out--the kids I simply like as people--are the confident ones. They're not always physically attractive, but it doesn't matter. Indeed, some kids who are attractive are extremely awkward or have a crap attitude, which overrides everything. They don't make a mark. Think of Paris Hilton--physically beautiful but no kind of personality. Have confidence in yourself, and people will take notice, I guarantee.

I was also recently diagnosed with rosacea. What I have been doing is avoiding getting any sun on my face, by wearing both hats and sunblock (the kind that has zinc oxide or titanium dioxide), and things seem to be in a holding pattern. As for the psychological aspect, while every time I look in the mirror I feel my condition has worsened, I've found most other people don't even notice or can't see those red patches I am seeing. I have to agree with Krrrlson's advice to learn to say "fuck it" - it just may not be as bad as one thinks it is.