How much distance is too much distance?

He's sent such sweet texts and emails...wishing me health, showering me with such compliments and flattery that it makes me kind of annoyed and uncomfortable (I just don't tend to go in for that sort of thing). ... What are those annoying/incompatible qualities, you ask? Well, he's a total romantic. Loves grand gestures and sweet favours and cute things and fawning over me, and I do not consider myself a romantic at all. Those things make me blanch sometimes; they make me uncomfortable and annoyed. I've always been that way -- I can be cutesy with someone for a few weeks and then it just seems like a waste of time and energy to me. I'm not the most emotional person, and he's a total softie. Instead of breaking up over this, could you tell him about your preferences? You just met over the summer. It's September. The fact that he's acting over-the-top passionately crazy about you could have to do with the early stages of the relationship. Things could settle down more in the future. Also, it could be that the LDR is causing him to do more of the kinds of things you don't like. He might feel the need to do really overtly "sweet" and "fawning" things in order to get through to you long distance and make it unambiguously clear that he's still crazy about you. But again, it seems like the main thing to do now is talk to him.

Oh. You've just had bronchitis? Well there ya go!! I don't know what it is about being really sick, but it so damn consciousness shifting. It makes you feel like an alien in your own body. And when you feel better, you're never really back to your "old self" because you're just a little tiny bit different for all the alone-time and crappy thoughts you were having while you were sick. In other words, you are TOTALLY over-thinking this:)) He sounds like a great guy. I bet he's all nervous and excited making this big change in life. And he's not just moving for you, right? So no real pressure there on you. It'll be fine. I think you should treat this blessing as a blessing. It's weird and new being around someone who genuinely likes you. Try not to see that as a burden. I bet dude doesn't need you to match him feeling for feeling -- and that will never happen anyway for very long because people vary in their energy levels and emotions -- so you can give yourself permission to stop worrying about it! Lastly. You are recovering from effing bronchitis. Your energy is going into feeling better and getting well-rested (because I know coughing all freakin' night long kept you from having good sleeps!!) By definition, you just don't have a lot of energy left over right now for feeling Lovey Dovey. If dude is half as smart and thoughtful as you seem in your question... he knows where you are at right now. It's Ok. You're good. Congratulations. What a great thing that is happening for both of you. Enjoy.

Look, my husband is a total mushball...and I am NOT. We are still incredibly compatible. Is there any way you can visit him there before he moves to your location, to see how you feel once you are in his presence? Some folks just don't like to do the long distance phone mushball stuff.

I think, for me at least, that the whole "absence makes the heart grow fonder" thing only works up to a point. A couple days or a couple weeks, and yeah, you (the universal you) miss him a lot. A month, or a couple months, and you've settled back into your own life and the guy sort of becomes an afterthought. You're doing just fine on your own without him, so you feel a awkward and pressured by sending you texts and emails and stuff, since you don't feel like you're 100% in a relationship. I think this feeling might be especially pronounced because you haven't been together-together for very long. You were only physically close for a couple months, which isn't really enough time, in my opinion, to form a serious bond between the two of you. If you're not that into him, then by all means tell him and move on from the relationship. But if you think you guys could be good together, wait until he gets back home and see where things go from there. You may just not know him well enough to really miss him yet. Give it time.

I would wait until he comes back to decide.

Eh, I used to feel this way about my boyfriend when we were apart for long periods of time. Phone conversations were agony. We've been married a few years now, and the (in-person) relationship has pretty much been an uninterrupted stream of win as far as I'm concerned. I think the effects of absence on one's romantic feelings may largely be a question of temperament, so I wouldn't necessarily read the cooling of your passion for your boyfriend as a death-knell for the relationship. It's his choice to move to your city; let him come, and see how things go when he arrives. The whole point of pre-marriage dating is to figure out whether you're compatible; it'd be ridiculous to end the relationship just because you don't 100% know at this point.

I agree with the other commenters that this isn't a problem, but please have a conversation about whether he's mentally prepared for the possibility of moving only to have you two break up. For the same reason, I hope he's moving into his own place, not moving in with you. In my experience, going from long-distance to 5-minutes-away is plenty exciting / good for your relationship.

You're totally overthinking this. Some people, myself included, are just not good at sustaining long distance relationships. I completely understand the not-missing-him feeling you're currently having. It's healthy, in a way- spending all your time missing him wouldn't exactly be fun, would it? You've adjusted, but don't mistake what you're feeling for an ending of your feelings for him. Now, if you still feel this way when you're together IRL, then you reconsider. Maybe he really isn't for you. But consider that maybe he's right for you, but the weirdness of long distance isn't your thing at all. If you're going to be together again soon, wait it out and don't tell him any of this until you have a chance to gauge your feelings when you're in a normal relationship with him. And oops, I didn't see that you already know you're like this in long distance situations. In that case, don't let yourself turn something about how you are in relationships generally into something about your relationship with him specifically.

Ignoring everything else, having someone move to be with you after you've only been together for a few months is a BAD IDEA. It will usually either make one person feel guilty, or the other person to resent the choice, or whatever. Not a good idea, at all. I've been there, done that. I'd give the relationship at least a year before either of you commits to moving / living with the other. If it's meant to be, it'll work out in the end. If it's not, then at least neither of you has gone through the trouble of uprooting yourself.