Can someone help me with comebacks?

When they say something they think is funny... *I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. When they say something that doesn't really make sense... *Ouch that almost made sense...but no. When they make fun of your idea... *And your (call them a name here) opinion would be? For just a regular time there laughing and saying something rude... *It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying. When they say you suck... *Oh don't worry, I would never try to steal your job. =] When they say something like what's with that hair or insulting your looks... *Well, at least I don't need a liscense to be as ugly as (look them up and down) that. For something rude (IDK whenever you wana use it) *I'm sorry I think you'v mistaken me for someone who cares. If someones calls you gay (this is if your a boy) *I knew deep down, you wish I really were gay, but even if i was I still wouldn't wna touch you. Again if someone calls you gay... *Well, you'd be the one to know. Again if someone calls you gay...(lol) *God, I know you have fantasies but keep them to yourself! Hope this helps =]

giving someone a comeback is only going to egg them on. it's only going to make them tease you worse later. if you want some real advice, just ignore them as best you can, or tell an adult you trust who can talk to the person and tell them to stop.

teaching someone to be witty is like teaching a dog to speak.... ( even if it is a bark) the comeback depends on the context of the initial slam (remark). 1: first decide if u want just your front teeth punched out or a full-out asswhippin... 2: next , consider the intelligence of your opponent. Dont waste good ones on the redneck bullies...they'll never get it despire how much time you give them... 3: consider the audience.... you wanna walk away unscathed AND brilliant ... and its the audience that determines the weight of your comeback. 4: be prepared for a physical comeback to your comeback cuz youre BOUND to push the limits with the wrong guys at least twice. LEARN FROM IT. 5. game rules are always one on one.... if theres more than one balking at ya.... pick off the weakest first... then go after their leader.. but only if he's involved.... and never draw anyone else into the comeback if theyre not involved.... 6. break part thier comeback into idea sections... meaning analyze their remark aand look for obvious flaws in truth, intelligence, or humor. Point out their flaws with yer comeback. 6a. STOP using ( your momma ) its is so old that ... omg...icant believe im even having this conversation.... lets just say only 6year olds use it now. 7. you are less likley to get sh*tkicked if your comeback has some humour to it... consider watching the comedy network for a few good oneliners.... your sense of "wit" should develope from that ( if u have any)....(insert laff here) 8. get thru the first eight... and we'll talk more.... have fun and carry bandaids. playsafe.

I've found that "your face" is effective, and works with almost anything. If it's not harsh enough, feel free to improvise. "Your mom's face", "your dogs face". Creative body parts also work well. Also, if someone says "Your mother", reply, "My mother's dead." That usually shuts them up pretty quickly. Unless your mother really is dead. If so, please don't report me. <_<

comebacks only really work on one specific line. there are only a few universal comebacks ranging from the popular "yo momma" to the preschoolish, "i'm rubber, you're glue" but a good original comeback usually can't be pre-planned because in every instance, one comeback will reign supreme over any other. but the easiest way woud be to target someone's race. case in point, if a white guy who wasn't my friend called me a retard, i'd prolly tell him to go back to his trailer and **** his aunt june. if a black dude called me a retard, i'd tell him that he's an asshole and he's black and that god cursed him twice. if it's some asian guy's calling me a retard, i'd tell him that his mouth could learn a lesson from his eyes by shutting the **** up. if it's some mexican dude calling you a retard, well then... you tell them that you must be a retard. ****** dumbass mexicans. race isn't the only attribute to attack, but it is the easiest, especially when you don't know the person well enough to deliver a personal inside joke comeback. but other than race you can attack, social standing, physical features, size, religion, intellect, hobby, clothing, etc. good luck... you'll be an asshole like me in no time.

ignore them and they will stop... doing that makes it worse

You could say: You are really funny....funny looking.

say: "funny, but looks aren't everything." If someone says your gay (no offense to gays), say: "you wish" "Thats what she said" (but thats kinda old too) "I don't need to hear your lifes story"

tell them that the next time they want 2 say something to you make sure they have gargled with mouthwash and shaved their back