Marriage in Turkey- very personal so sorry if I offend.?

If you've copied and pasted your friends response, I can tell you right away that it is normal for a guy that can barely form English sentences to think that virginity is the most important thing for a girl about to marry. Honestly, I don't mean to offend you, but you should get yourself some new Turkish friends. Where do you find these people. I am Turkish, but have been living in the US for about a decade now and I don't have any friends like that...My advice for you is to go to one of the bigger cities of Turkey, hang out around universities and high schools and find people your age to socialize with and then see how different THEIR views about sexuality is. I am in my thirties now, and don't know much about the nightlife in Istanbul any more, but even in my teens (late 90's) there was much modernity and openness concerning sex, so I imagine it would be a whole lot relaxed by now.

What kind of question is this? Some people do cares some don't give a flying rat azz about virginity.Keep in mind that turkey is a very modern, civilized,democratic and a secular country although the majority of the population is muslim. Turks are not living in the stone age, you know :) Period

no, not offending. at least you try to understand things. you dont ask troll questions like "how can i sell my daughter for 5 camels" lol i dont understand your friend, what he means about the fiance thing? you mean modernized? cause being westernized is change of culture completely. yea western cities are modernized, family and virginity type of concepts are not highlighted with importance anymore. this is the trend in general, i mean the change. not that it applies to everybody, being conservative depends on the how person is raised or if s/he is religious or if s/he moved from a small town (usually eastern town) to a city. by muslim you mean practicing muslim probably, cause it is the limiting factor of modernity, practicing the religion or not. usually lower socioeconomic classes are religious, and higher socioeconomic classes rarely give a damn about religion. even if they have the belief, they are not fully practicing or in their society religion is not a shared value. i mean they dont gather for weird religious ceremonies hahaa so to your question, among the higher socioeconomic group conservatism doesnt exist anymore. this is seen in big cities, and mid sized modern cities, as the economic situation of the country gets better, and as these improved conditions are applied to more people. kemalist, are you from a christian or jewish family? or did you quit from islam by yourself? lol you have too much reaction, dont care about the religion that much (i mean not just islam, all useless three!!) there are 20 different ethnic groups and several different religions here. it's usually hard to talk about a general "turkish society" in my opinion sinner watch your words. it's quite normal that you have an arabic girlfriend to find what you look for. derya you're out of your mind. you dont live here so you dont know here.

If I had it my way This would be the first time that you made love I'd be the first man that your hands touched But we've both done our share of living Takin' chances we were given I've never been big on looking back I don't care if I'm your first love But I'd love to be your last If I could do it over I'd have waited for this moment to give my heart to you unbroken But if our mistakes brought us together Doesn't really matter whether we would say it's our centers in the past I don't care if I'm your first love I'd just love to be your last All I know is what I see when I look at you And all I see is what I'm feeling down inside And all I'm feeling is the feeling that I finally got it right When I wake up tomorrow I'm going to throw my arms around you Thank my lucky stars I found you Cause I know your heart has so much more than any man has touched before that Nothing matters more to me than that I don't care if I'm your first love, but I'd love to be your last Enjoy :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHQQUtY_KLA Edit: Thank you very much εClεCtiC....Great answer :) and www.nice_to_see_you_around too.ca hehe :) http://www.where_is_jade.ca lolz :) http://www.there_she_is.ca :))))

For the majority, virginity is important. I'd say it's important 1 000 % in the Southeast. But, there are others who can't care less. ( They'd be offended to learn their fiancee had 10 lovers before, but they really don't care about a few . ) They think it's a hypocrisy to be with a person, and at the same time a virgin. These people are mostly living in big cities like Istanbul, Ankara, Izmir. They are a minority, but , yes , they exist. Some young Turkish couples even live together before marriage. Yes, true. It really depends on your circle of friends.

I know you were looking forward to studying in Turkey. University environment is the good place to understand people properly. You can meet modern or conservative or ordinary guys. It's your choice which one you would share common sense and feel more comfortable to be with. If a guy is asking my virginity I would completly ignore him, because I wouldn't agree with him on any other topics too not only this issue, he would be the last person on the planet that i would prefer. Hope everything is going to be OK with you. @HigHTecH http://www.there_she_is.com.tr

Amazing to see people arguing against Turkish stereotypes are stereotyping economic classes and regions in Turkey themselves. Poor people are not by default religious as wealthy people are not automatically nonreligious. If you read the latest news and opinion pieces about Turkey in global media you will see how often they mention the newly rising conservative class of wealthy people, businessmen, entrepreneurs, investors etc. who are significant contributors to Turkey's fast developing economy. But you must understand that when speaking about Turkey, conservative does not always mean intolerant either. In fact, most conservatives I know are pretty tolerant vis-à-vis how other people live their lives. On the other hand, there is an important fact about mentalities of religious and nonreligious in Turkey. In many ways a seemingly modernized person (dress, entertainment preferences etc.) can have scary thoughts about society, life and what is right or wrong. They can be blatantly racist towards Kurds, discriminating towards religious people and hostile to liberals. I'm telling you all this because when you meet seemingly modernized or "Westernized" people don't take it granted that they will be liberal, tolerant or understanding of other cultures. Another thing to note is that they may actually don't think they are nonreligious, but instead think that conservative Muslims are extremists and they are practicising the real Islam. They may think headscarves have no place in Islam and praying five times are day is not that important. At times, they may even be hostile to perceived religious extremism like supporting a ban on headscarves. In the meantime, seemingly conservative or very religious people may surprise you with their tolerance, their interest in Western music, films, books, celebrities ; their tolerance towards Kurds, nonreligious people or people from other religions. This doesn't mean religious people are tolerant and nonreligious people are intolerant. I just mean to point out that just like you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, you shouldn't judge people based on their looks and perceived level of modernization. A religious family could be tolerant of your previous life and a nonreligious family could be intolerant. I'm willing to bet most people considering marriage with a westerner won't mind if the person they will marry is not a virgin. This is because most people will be smart enough to figure out keeping the virginity until marriage was not inherent in your culture therefore you can't be deemed responsible for breaching cultural norms that don't apply to you. Don't remember hearing about anyone murdered because of not being a virgin. However I've heard of numerous cases of divorce requests from husbands after discovering they were lied to about it. Last, but not least, it all depends on the individual family. You can use your common sense to find out how tolerant they are and act accordingly.

I think exactly same as Sinner. But to add some points, I believe a woman should wait for the man of her life, so I should be the first. But at the same time I'll wait for her, so that's fair. But that won't prevent me from marriage if I love and trust really a girl who lost her virginity. But most of my friends gave no importance to that point. And for a guy who plans to marry a foreigner (English I think?) that certainly won't be a matter. I also advice you stop asking about our culture to your Turkish friends. They seem very dumb. =D

There are different types of people in Turkey. Modernity and Religion are different concepts. I) Me for example, Im modern and religious. I have borned and raised in Ankara and got top quality education. Sex before marriage is a big sin for my beliefs and I want a girl with same beliefs. Hence this girl should be virgin. However, if I marry with a nonmuslim girl or a repented girl I wont seek for virginity. A muslim weather man or woman must be virgin until marriage. This is a must. It is like dont drink alcohol but people commit sins.... II) Some people dont care religion like the users above. So they dont care virginity since they experience sex before marriage. Some tries their partners on bed before marriage :) III) Some people are hypocrite. You know the guy tries to sex with many girls and tell it to his friends with a big proud. On the other hand, if his sister do the same thing he would be crazy and these girls are called as prostitute. However, I think this is same in many countries. To sum up; Virginity is import for number I and III. Number III kind of man are not westernized.