Is this a good start for a story?

IS THIS A GOOD START TO MY STORY??? BU HIKAYEME IYI BIR BASLANGIC MI?

• I wanted to post this here because there's a lot more cool people in this category than other ^ ^. Well my story revolvees around Matthew Phoenix my protagonist. I don`t really want to reveal much because I think I started off good and it`s really started as a mystery and I plan on revealing things along the way. Heres my first chapter. Hope you enjoy it!! And thanks for the replies! CHAPTER 1 "Oh my God!" yelled the nurse as she entered morgue 3 of Saint Peters Memorial Hospital. There was blood spilled everywhere and the bodies that were once inside the drawers were missing. It was a horrifying scene, chunks of human flesh were lying everywhere. The nurse dropped the files she had in her hands and ran to the far corner, putting a distance between herself and the disturbing scene. She took out a small walkie-talkie and said "Security! Come to morgue 3. Now!" A sudden rush aroused as nearly everyone who heard the nurses urgent call came to morgue 3. When the nurse saw her friends come, she ran and hugged one of them and started to cry. Her friend comforted her "Shh... It's ok, it's over. Come on let's find a place to sit." Only the both of them went to the cafeteria because the other nurses needed to return to their working areas. They entered the nearly empty cafeteria and found a table at the far back. "What happened Sally? Would you want to tell me?" said the nurse. Sally answered "I don't know what exactly happened myself either. I was just going to check on some of the bodies when I saw blood everywhere. The bodies weren't there and there were small pieces of some sort of flesh laying on the floor. It was horrible Michelle." Michelle pulled Sally to herself and patted her back. An hour far away from them, Matthew was in the shower, washing off the blood on his body. He stood under the hot stream of water, thinking about what had happened and what was going to happen. Luckily noone saw him so everything went smoothly. Nothing serious would've happened actually, it would only be a shock for the person who had saw Matthew (nothing that a good psychological therapy couldn't heal) and a few rumors. "Someone must be freaking out now and the police should be conducting an investigation about where the bodies might have dissappeared to. Good luck with that." Said Matthew to himself. After a few minutes he got out of the shower and went to bed. He wasn't exactly sleepy but enjoyed his dreams so he was very strict about going to bed early. This way he had more time to dream and maybe get a few ideas for a good story.

• Answer:

  Hey great job! Crime fiction is my favourite genre :) There are just a couple of things that occurred to me while reading: I think if you develop your introduction a bit it would be better. I know it's a story and it's not supposed to be very detailed but some things just seem too rushed. You can cut off other parts but I think you can embellish the introduction a bit more. Another thing, you say the nurse moves to the other end of the room but I think the first impulse of a person in her situation would be to get out and start screaming. Sally on the other hand is so in command of herself that she even contacts the hospital security. Okay let's say she's a tough woman. Accepting this however doesn't add up with her agitated manner later when she meets her friends. Wouldn't it also be more natural if Michelle first asked Sally what was wrong and then start to comfort her and not the other way around? I liked the part about Matthew and your use of the third person omniscient there. Hope you keep up your work, good luck with it :)