What should be on my resume to apply to H&M?

HM the Queen's Australian tour?

• I am appalled to read that subjects from the Australian corner of the realm have refused to curtsey as the Crown in all its glory is represented before them in their Sovereign. Have there been any loyal subjects down under that have properly dropped in curtsey to their Sovereign? I did see a photo of one Australian lass dipping in deep curtsey while properly kissing the hem of HM's garment. How delightful to see that at least one Australian knows her place when in the presence of the Sovereign of the Empire. Has HM not looked stunning in her pastel garments while on tour down under? How many ladies of the wardrobe have accompanied HM to help her don her glorious ensembles? I read that the shops down under have been besieged with ladies attempting to buy apparel like HM's. I would think there has been a run on pastels and millinery since, after all, it is the Australian springtime. How charming it must be to see the country swooning with joy over the fashion waves HM is making. Will HM don a satin cape with her ensemble as she alights from the aeroplane on her arrival in Perth? Would this not wonderfully represent the fashion trends of the Western Australian coast? If HM dons this, will she not also need the famous denouche-de-tete as millinery?

• Answer:

  One wholeheartedly agrees with you, dear Sunny! You know, one has always been of the opinion that most Australians do not show nearly enough due deference to Her Majesty The Queen. Personally, one blames televisual programmes such as Prisoner Cell Block H and Neighbours, and the casual and overly-familiar way they have with people. If you ask me, things have never been the same since Helen Daniels and Mrs Mangel shuffled off this mortal coil. Now they were properly refined ladies who would now doubt have respectfully curtsied to Her Majesty were they fortunate enough to have met her in this mortal realm!