How does the adoption process work?

Infertility vs adoption,very long?

• I enjoy a healthy discussion and would like to hear different points of these views.These are thoughts that I have heard and are not necessarily my opinions I know where I stand.I just want to know your thoughts but no need to be rude.I will not give a thumbs down and I will not judge.As far as what is my questions,I just wan to know your responses to these arguments,I always seem to learn something new.Thanks and please try to be respectful. Many ask why infertile couples do not adopt.I wonder why the question is not why don't more couples adopt?What does being infertile have to do with it?Belive me I do know that their are many couples who can have a biological child and choose to adopt. Are these children all of our responsibility when the guardianship is no longer with the parents? Secondly,many do not mention why the children are in the foster care system or why the child is up for adoption.Sometimes,especially in other countries children are orphaned,I am aware and am heartbroken for these children.While I think putting a child up for adoption is very noble why do infertile couples have to be attacked?We would not have all these children without homes if it was only people who wanted children that have children.I know that won't be the case,I am just saying.Is it wrong for someone to want a biological child and is it the responsibility of an infertile couple only to help these children? Next,I know many people wonder why older children are not adopted as much as neborns and infants.I can say after working at an adoption agency that many do want the intimate bonding of an innocent baby but we had a rule that if you already had children you could not adopt out of birth order.For example,If you have a 1,4 and 7 year old it would not be a good idea to adopt a 13 year old because this changes the place of the 7 year old.What do you think about this? Then the argument of playing God.I know many women who have never gotten pregnant through IVF or own their own.Some it works the first time and some will try infertilty treatments and it does not work but then later on they get pregnant on their own.So it would appear that if God does not want you to have a biological child or at least not at that time than that is still what occurs? Also,IVF and adoption are both expensive.I understand foster care is cheap or even free,at least where I am from but every situation is different.Some people are not able to adopt for financial or other reasons.Some people who already have children have a hard time being chosen by a birth mother.Same with age,some very young couples and much older couples have a hard time being chosen.This process can last a few years and tons of money and sometimes the birthmothers change their mind.IVF is expensive but some doctors have shared risk programs and sometimes their are drug studies that lessen the costs.If it only takes once it is much cheaper than someone who tries it many times. Lastly,why do some people think that those who decide to go through infertility are bad people and are bad parents.These people really want children,they must they go through so much to have them.Some people with children love them and take great care of them and some infertile and fertile are violent and probably should not have children.I just want to get opinion if their is a double standard and what you think about these arguments.Please feel free to add anything.

• Answer:

  You have presented a number of issues in your commentary. The "birth order" argument is interesting. The one common thread, I notice in the adoption process is that the "government", for lack of a better term, in its effort to avoid any errors effectively paralyzes the domestic adoption system. The international process has its own built in obstacles. The one fact that you present that I have never consider is the "too old, too young" to adopt couples. I do not dispute your observation. I just did not know. Confining my remarks to the adoption process only, I think the administrators, in their focus on doing no harm do, in fact, cause more harm than a pure unregulated system would. That is harsh; but, no objective can be accomplished with an over-weighted decision process. In all wars, many innocents have been killed. Still the alternative would be for all of the innocents to be entrapped. Regarding IVF: again, no dispute with your comments; but, I think the human ego will always provide a major market of the service. Your comments have crystallized my views regarding the regulation of the foster care and adoption practices and regulations in the U.S. Abusive people will not tell the truth in the adoption process. And people who are pure of heart and intent will give the "wrong" answer in attempting to be truthful.