How to deal with a TTC about abortion?

I didn't even finish reading this because the selfishness was radiating so much I knew the rest of it was probably even less intelligent than the first half. So you don't WANT to put it up for adoption? I'm sure your CHILD doesn't WANT to die. Getting an abortion may make you not pregnant anymore, but it will also make you the mother of a dead baby. Merry Christmas.

i am not very familiar with DUI, maybe i just don't know the word in english but i do know your doctor said its rare, so i assume if in any point in your future you will find your man and get married and have babies it is not going to be easy.... you should try and understand your friend's anger. it is very frustrating for a ttc woman who has medical problems to see someone end up pregnant and give it up as if it was a rotten apple that sat for too long in the fridge and it's time to dispose it. i will not criticize you as it is not my job to do so.... however i strongly suggest you think about what you are going to do....i think that because of your past you have the ability to give your child an even better future than any other would..... men come and go....today you can be married with 4 kids and a lovely hubby and tomorrow you can be a 42 y/o divorced woman with 4 kids fighting her ex for alimony.... keep the child you will find a husband that will accept you with your baby and you can create a beautiful family....don't give it up that easily just because of your past, don't let it rule you.... i have a friend who ended up pregnant and her BF walked out on her....her father abandoned her when she was little and her mom is in a mad house....she always said i know what it feels like to grow up without a father i don't want the same future for my child...she had an abortion....she regrets it till today....and she is married to a divorced man with 2 kids that live with them....it's funny how life plays with us.....think about it!!!! please tell us what was your decision and whatever it is its always for the best! sorry its so long i hope you read it.... Good luck!

1. I've had an abortion. And it sucks, b/c sure you are "getting rid of" the problem at the moment, but it will hang over your head. The first poster is right, it doesn't make you a mother to a child. It makes you a mother to dead baby. I do not recommend abortion to ANYONE. It is sooo emotionally draining. I had my abortion in 2003 and I think about it everyday. And When that time of the year comes around that I would have A. been due, and B. when i found out i was pregnant i feel very bummed. 2. what if you CAN"T have anymore children for some woman. Alot of woman develope problems and can't have children, and thent to think back to your opportunity that you missed. 3. i understand where your friend is coming from because it is EXTREMELY hard to TTC and see negative results month after month after month. It gets depressing. I kinda think maybe she is jealous/happy that you got pregnant and was thinking she could live a pregnancy through you because she can't get pregnant herself. 4. Ok, and adoption was a bad thing for you and your sister, but do you think that low of your BFF that you wouldn't want to give her a wonderful miracle instead of taking it away from the entire world. Don't you think that her and her husband would love and care for this baby as if it were their own, Esp seeing how they would get the baby as soon as it were born. I bet, no offense, that foster care and your adoptive family was pretty harsh on your/mean to you b/c you two were the results of a drug addict and probably felt that you needed a home, but that they couldn't chagne your ways. I do beleive that some people are naturally mean and cold spirited out there, but maybe your attitude, selfishness and arrogance had somethign to do with the way you were treated. This baby wouldn't know that these people weren't it's parents until it was much older and able to undersstnad the situation. And by then they will develope the bonds that parents develope with their children. 5. Birth control is CLEARLY never 100% effective. Therefore, if you are engaging in sexual activity you should be ready to deal with the consequences/miracles that come along with it. I think what your overall problem is, no offense again, that you lacked a parental bond while growing up, and you fear that you could not provide that without having a husband (which you sure can! and maybe your bf may come around after the baby is born) and you dont want to give that opportunity to your BFF because it is your baby. You need to take a good look at yourself. And really do some soul searching before you really decide to terminate this pregnancy. And, if you do decide to terminate it, and then later on it life you decide to have children, you will always feel as tho one is missing b/c of the abortion. Merry christmas, please decided what to do with gods love and prayer. Happy new year

Shouldn't you post this somewhere else. You are posting this in the TRYING TO CONCEIVE thread. You won't find that much sympathy from people on this thread since they are all trying to conceive. THIS IS VERY INSENSITIVE OF YOU!!!! You wanting an abortion is your business but don't come and post it to a whole bunch of women who are trying to conceive. ITS INSENSITIVE, HEARTLESS AND JUST CRUEL!!!!

that's your problem no one can decide for you. forget about what your friend thinks

Unfortunately even though it is your personal decision, peoples decisions & choices in life CAN affect the people that are close to them, and may cause them to rethink whether or not they want to remain friends with that person. Everyone can probably think of someone in the past who they are no longer friends with because of a diffence in personal chices. If I were you, I would probably just write her a letter letting her know why you are making the decision that you are, and also how much her friendship means to you. There is not much else you can do - it will have to be up to her if she can get past this and remain friends with you. Remember, you have your decision, and she will have hers. As a personal side note - I also have had an abortion, and I still think about the baby and miss not being able to see it now & wonder what he or she would be like today (especially now that me & my husband are TTC). Be prepared for that. And if the main reason to not go through with the pregnancy is the financial aspect, please do some research on what programs your state would offer you in assistance (which I didnt do myself). My sister is a single mom now who gets a TON of help from the state (her co-pay on daycare is only $25/week - the gov't pays the other $175/week, she gets $100 month for formula & diapers, and can get rental assistance). She actually has more money than me & my husband will have once we have kids (with having to pay full price for everything)! She also has a decent job & gets child support, and still gets this help (and her boyfriend/the daddy broke up with her the SAME DAY she told him she was pregnant - what a jerk!). Anyways, I'm just suggesting you look into it, so that you don't find out later you could've afforded it but didn't know...

you don't want to let your friend adopt your baby, you feel that is abandoning it?? SO instead of abandonment murder is correct in your eyes????? You are the most selfish human I have ever had the misfortune to run across. THIS forum is so the wrong place for you to be discussing this issue. SOME of the women on here have been TTC for years myself included. We are having trouble trying to conceive and you are killing babies. How selfish you are.

Please give your friend the gift of life. The most selfless thing you could do would be to ask your friend to be the mother of your child. That way, you can still be in your baby''s life and be sure that he or she is being raised the way you would like to see your own child raised. I am sure you will regret your decision to abort your baby. At 8 weeks, the heart is beating and he or she has all ten fingers and toes. Just because you suffered with your childhood, would you rather of had your mother KILL YOU???? Please think about it before you get this done. You can never undue something like this......

There is not one person on this planet who's had an abortion and does not regret it completely and feel the agony of their decision each and every day. I can guarantee you this. You're making the decision to KILL a baby based on your situation/circumstance right now. Your fiance can't just abandon all responsibility. Legally he just can't. And as someone with a bachelor's degree, assumingly intelligent, you should know this. So you WILL have further contact with him. If he was your fiance, you two would have been married and had children eventually anyways, no? So your baby has come early. Things don't just happen. There's a reason you're pregnant and you shouldn't make such a stupid decision based on irrationality. I had an abortion at the age of 16, and there is not a day that goes by I don't think about my decision. I felt relief at first, but within a month, I was emotionally destroyed and to this day, I participate in a support group for women who've had abortions and meet with a psychiatrist once a week. The ladies in my support group all feel the exact same way. Due to scarring in my uterus from the procedure, I've rendered myself infertile I believe. I'm only 29 and my husband and I have been TTC for 4 years unsuccessfully. My doctors tell me that this is due to scarring caused by a common infection I developed afterwards. It's your decision but you will regret it for the rest of your life.