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How to avoid conflicts in grammar?

Is it better to avoid conflicts with your preschooler or face them head-on?

  • Like say that you're passing by a toystore they go to and usually get something from. Do you purposely go a different route to avoid hearing them wanting to go there and cause conflict? Or do you go that route if you need to or it's easier and pass by it and simply not give in? Or do you sometimes bargain and take them there to look around but not buy them anything? And telling them this off the bat? I don't mean big stores like target etc. but I mean little stores like consignment toy stores or specialty toy stores where ppl go there just to buy a toy. Personally I don't like to---I think they are too young to understand at 3-4 yrs old why they are being taken to a toy store where something was bought for them before why they can't this time. It's too much temptation. I think it's torture. But do you think it teaches them character like just bc they see stuff doesn't mean they can have it? also i think it's kind of rude and I'm sure the clerks look down on this...do you think so?

  • Answer:

    I think there is already a problem if there is a "toy store they go to & usually get something from". Seriously. The expectation of getting something is set up buy the act of taking them there & buying them stuff, not due to age. I have two kids. I take them into stores all.the.time without buying them anything. You know what happens? Nothing. They are used to it. They are 5 & 2. They love to look. They also know we are walking away with nothing, so they don't get upset by it at all. They enjoy the chance to play for a minute. I tell them that if they throw a fit when the time is up & we need to go, then we won't go look at toys next time. I would never avoid a store to avoid a fit. I will however drive a different route to avoid driving past my parent's house - LOL. My kids adore them & they live just off a main road, so I try to go a different route if I can rather than have them get disappointed that we aren't visiting them today. I see that as different though because I think it is actually normal & healthy at their age to expect that when we get to gramma's neighborhood we are going to see gramma. That is logical & okay. I think expecting to get a toy simply because you are in a store is a symptom of a child being given an unhealthy idea of what going into a store means. I can't see how it is torture for a child to go there to look & not buy anything any more than anywhere else they go that they can't take things home. My kids often love the toys at other kid's homes too, but we aren't taking those home either. That is life.

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Definitely face it head on before it becomes set in their personality. And he doesn't know what someone saying no feels like.

Blay

If I don't "Need" to go to a toy store with my kids....we don't go.(that is torture, BUT, if you need and want to "fix" this problem..it could be a good learning lesson) "we are going to look, you WILL not get a toy. Do you understand...yes. My kids have always known...just because we are going to a store, it doesnt mean you will be able to get something. I rarely buy them toys when they are with me. Before we go to the store...they are told..today is a special day, you have been very good and today...you will be able to pick out something....(I set a price limit) If They see something the "need to have" ok...lets put that on "the list" (birthday or christmas)and that has always worked. IF they see something they "LOVE" and I know they will appreciate and enjoy..I will go back without them and get it as a "surprise"!!! At 3-4 I think they should understand...we are in a store, I see things I want but I know I cant have them today. I have seen kids crying...laying on the ground, kicking screaming, begging for a toy and..Mommy gives in. My thoughts..OMG...WTF is that women doing. I have never had that experience with my kids. they are 6 and8. YES they ask sometimes but NO, you can't get that toy today. Ok...I want to put this on my list. ok. If you don't give in...they will understand....If not today..DON"T BUY THE TOY..the next time..WARN him. today you will NOT get a toy. Face it head on!!!! this way when you "need" or want to go to a store he willknow...I am not getting a toy today. Then the day he does get "that toy" it will mean more! he will like it more!! and it will be teaching him....I cant have everything I want!!!! right now. EX..my kids are older than yours. My 6 yo dd has been begging for "feather earings" for a while. She has seen them, and asked...(not begged or threw a fit) I said no. One day she said...Mommy I really love those feather earrings. "yes..they are pretty" I asked her to come with me to the grocery store...PLEASE! she agreed. Instead we went to the mall. why are we here...." I want to look around" Ugghh. We went in... I said...today you can choose something you really want. She chose the feather earings and got 2 other pair. We left the store...she was sooooo happy. What did I get? "Mommy....You are the BEST mother on Earth!" OMG! and she really meant it. She was very appreciative, and the hapiest little girl. I asked her if she wanted to get her nails painted...YES!!! It was a very special day...so special. I think it was more special for ME...because I heard those words every mother wants to hear from there child. "You are the best Mother on Earth" with "that" look on her little face. OMG! If I had always given her everything she asked for...It would have been 'expected" and our day out would NOT have been a memory(: It reallly...really..really makes a difference. My kdis are not spoiled, they are very, very loved..but don't think they can have anything they want at that moment. If I won the lottery tomorrow. I stil wouldn't buy my kids everything they wanted. I woudl want to(: but I know it isnt the right thing to do. From the earliest age they need to understand...."I can't have everything I want" because...."I" me personally do NOT ever want that kid on the floor screaming for a toy. NOT happening with my kids, and has never happened. It has made our christmas' , birthdays..and those very special days...so very special! When I see the 'tantrums" for wanting a toy in a store.....I think it is because of not so good choices made by the parents...that make "that" child act that way. IT isn't the child..it is the parent! IMO.

honey

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