For parents who say they spank only as a last resort?

• Is it really a last resort or is that just a way of avoiding admitting that you spank because you choose to? I'm not saying there is anything wrong with spanking, but if you spank why not just say you do it because you feel it will be effective, why claim it's a last resort? I mean is there really ever a last resort in parenting? Do people who say it's their last resort really think they have tried absolutely everything and spanking is the last thing possible they can try? If it's a last resort then what would you do if THAT didn't work? Throw in the towel and say "well I tried everything, I give up"? Probably not right? Also if a parent is trying one thing after another rather than being consistent with one thing, then of course nothing is going to seem to work because there isn't one punishment out there that is going to miraculously change a child's behavior after using it just once. Children learn from repetition which is why consistency is so important. I don't spank, I use other methods but I don't consider any of my methods to be a last resort because there is always something else I can try and it might not have anything to do with a punishment, it might be some other way to teach the lesson or point I am trying to get across. Every punishment or discipline stratagy I use are ones I chose to use because I think they will be effective, not because I felt I had no other options. I feel spanking is a choice. All it is is one type of punishment, it's not a way of parenting and there is always something else you can do. If you choose to spank then great I hope it works for you but why not just say you spank because you feel it will work, why claim it's your last resort? By saying it's your last resort you are basically saying you don't like spanking but there's nothing else to do and that's never true. I think people forget that you can change behavior using other creative methods besides punishment. NOTE this is not a spanking debate and not meant to put down spanking. My only argument here is that spanking is a choice, not a neccesity. If you choose to spank just say so, don't claim you have no other options...that is what I am saying.

• Answer:

  Interesting question. I am probably one of those parents who has said that I spank as a "last resort" but in truth that is not really an accurate term for it so I'm going to apologize for this misconception right up front. The truth is that I really only think that spanking is an effective method for my children (Emphasize my children, as surely this is not going to be effective with most other families, and I'm not going to pretend that it is) when they are in immediate, life threatening or harmful danger (for example, almost being hit by a car) and I think that they would benefit from a quick spanking to get their attention OR if I have repeatedly laid out consequences but they have repeated the same offense several times. That is what I have dubbed a "last resort" but like I said earlier that's not really a completely accurate term for it. It's not a last resort, but it is after I have already set out other consequences and spoken with him/her and he/she has continually repeated what I have already warned against. Generally I don't really need to get to this point as most of the time my children have stopped long before this point or after they have already been asked to stop once, but on a rare occasion that they do then I find that spanking has been effective way for them to stop. I agree that spanking is a choice, but does it really have to be all yes/all no? Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. It depends on a lot of things, and nobody can truthfully claim that it always works or it doesn't. Is it really that spanking is a yes or no thing? My own opinion (And I completely respect yours) is that although, yes, spanking is a choice, saying that either you do or you don't isn't completely accurate. I mean, sure, I can say "I spank" which would be true, but usually when I say last resort I'm simply elaborating on this. I'm not trying to avoid or justify the "I spank" part of the sentence, but adding more detail. And spanking is never really a last resort, like you pointed out (Which I agree with) you can always find different, creative methods to prepare your kids for the world. Also, when I say "last resort" I'm also saying that I don't spank very often. It happens very, very rarely at my house. I hope I helped! Thanks for this interesting question! NOTE: (ADDED THOUGHT) Ok, the bottom line is that as a parent it's your choice to choose what is best for your child, whether that be spanking or any other method (or lack of one). In the end, it's the parent's judgment that matters. Even though I have stated my opinion and I respect everyone else's, I still stand strong when I say that most of this depends on the individual parent and child. The ONLY time when I think I have a right to take action on someone else's parenting or attack them in any way is when the child is being abused or mistreated, emotionally or physically. In this case I would feel a need to step in for the child's own safety. Otherwise I have no right to step in and claim that "my way" is better than anyone else's, nor do I feel the that I should have the right to attack anyone else or force another parent to use the same "method" that I do.