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What Is Vendo Support?

To seek child support or not to seek child support...what should I do?

  • To seek child support or not to seek child support...what should I do? I have a four month old daughter. Her father and I were never married and broke up 3 days before I found out I was pregnant. But shortly after her birth I started keeping contact with him again (and yes he knew I was pregnant by the way). I care for her father but I do not love him. He knows this and we both know that we cannot make it as a couple.... I personally don't want...nor do I necessarily need his help financially at all. I provide for my daughter and what I can't do my parents are willing to do with no questions asked. (They have been a godsend). But we're not hurting for anything. Her father does not work (he swears he's trying to find a job but he never puts in any applications). He's not in school he has no interest in bettering himself. He lives off of others. He is about to sign over his rights to an older child so the mother's fiance can adopt the child. He's trying to get disability and has been turned down repeatedly.... I have a job and my gross monthly income is around 600.00. I live with my parents but I'm also in school. I have 2 degrees almost a third. I don't really WANT child support nor do me or my daughter really NEED it. But I'm indecisive on whether or not to put an order in place. I say no because I highly doubt that he'll EVER pay anything and I hate the way they handle that system and how they treat the men. And I honestly do not care if he pays anything or not....I say YES because the future is uncertain....Heaven forbid I lose my job and can't find one for a long time and/or something happens and my parents are unable to help anymore. Then I would need it and I would like that to fall back on. But I wouldn't want it to just start then cause by then I'd be desperate and I don't want to put my child in that situation. I think IF I DO then I'll say that I'll sign to ANY amount...I don't care how much/little it is.... It's just I don't agree with jail sentences and by the time it would be enough behind my daughter would probably be old enough to realize daddy went to jail and children don't understand the financial issues all they care about is "You're mean you put my daddy in jail!" and I see it from the child's perspective. As of now her father has paid nothing and honestly in all fairness I haven't asked him to. I let him see her as he pleases with the exception of him having to come to my house and give me a 24 hour notice (This is because of work and the few times I've taken her to see him the places have been so filled with smoke you could see it in the air and she got all congested each time).... I just don't want to be "the b*tch". I try to be fair. So should I go ahead and set it or wait to see if I need it? (Keep in mind I can (and probably will) ALWAYS forgive any past due support in the future if I do not want it)....

  • Answer:

    It sounds like you're better off not getting it. It would make life rough on him without any real benefit to you. Save up what you can and plan for the future independently--I seriously doubt what he has to offer would actually be of much help if you were to lose your job.

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"He is about to sign over his rights to an older child so the mother's fiance can adopt the child." And you balled this dude! This pathetic, hateful little boy who was not bothering to father the child he had. And decided to reproduce with him! That is @#$* disgusting. "I say YES because the future is uncertain....Heaven forbid I lose my job and can't find one for a long time and/or something happens and my parents are unable to help anymore." Yes. PLEASE make better choices in the future. When my parents babysit my daughter so I can go and do whatever I need to do childlessly -- I usually make them dinner (something nice, from scratch, with dessert). In your shoes I would be scrubbing every toilet in the house on a regular basis and more, kwim? That's great that they do it -- do not take it for granted. And "They don't think I should file for child support at all..." Their wishes are worth taking into consideration here. Talk to them about your concerns re. their income stability, etc.

K

Why is it your parents responsibility to support your child?

From what I've read here, you completely misunderstand "child support" payments. These payments are not for YOU. They are for your child. You do not have the RIGHT to not receive them. Payments made towards child support, are a necessary tool, especially in your case, as you have very limited income to speak of, but even in cases where parents make upwards of 100k yearly, or have no "need" to receive them, these child support payments could have been used to better the lives of their children. You do not have the right to turn down child support payments, and as a parent, you have an obligation to seek them. These payments are to "better" the life of your child, who is absent one parent. You CLEARLY need these payments, and not a freaking pack of diapers. Your children deserve SUPPORT. You are selfish in even considering denying the payments. You are not being fair to your child. Again, these payments are not for YOU, they are for your child. You are taking on the entire burden of raising your lil' one. The courts are there to mandate that their father do the same. Stop giving this "they" crap. "THEY" didn't father your child, girlie. I don't even know who "they" are. Seriously. Not your right. Go seek the Division of Child Support Enforcement. You have no right to deny funds, and a better life, that your child is deserving of, under the law. Best wishes.

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