What should I do? I believe spanking is very wrong and not for my family.?

Spare the rod, spoil the child. I'm sorry, but a "time out" is not punishment. If sitting is a punishment, then I'm being punished right now. When I was a kid and I got in trouble all it took was one swat on the butt and I never did it again. You have the right to your opinion...but I will spank my kids, thank you.

The punishment should be up to the parents. I think spanking only teaches violence.

Maybe her mother does believe in spanking....just because you don't does not make it a horrible thing. Since you and your husband do not believe in spanking than when she is at your house than do not spank. Just because you do not believe in spanking does not make it wrong....all kids are different....therefore different methods must be used!!!!!! I have 2 kids under 4 yrs of age. I hate it when someone tells me how to decipline them. I do not spank all the time but sometimes I do...depending on what's going on at the time.

I've very anti-spanking. I think physical violence of any kind does not produce positive results. There are much better, more effective ways to discipline children. Also, for the woman who referred to "Spare the rod, spoil the child", I think she is quite ignorant on the context of that quote. If you research ancient Hebrew, the word used for "rod" in that sentence is not referring to a stick, but more like a shepherd's rod. Therefore, it is referring to guidance.

I personally believe in spanking and corporal punishment. I was smacked around as a child and I didn't turn into a serial killer. My husband and his 6 siblings were hit when they were kids and they are very respectful. They didn't grow up to be serial killers or rapists either. In my husband's country it's perfectly legal to hit your child in public or in the home if they disrespect you or talk back to their parents. All 19 of my nieces and nephews get hit and they listen to their parents and authority. Please don't try to tell other people how to raise or discipline their kids. Some kids don't understand anything with time out or grounding.

IMO spanking works wonders but is for each family to decide weather or not to use. You being the step parent, have zero say in how she's raised, however since you said your husband has equal concern on this issue, NOW IT'S A PROBLEM. Nobody should be spanking your children with out first getting permission. If the aunt spanked knowing your wishes, just remember that she will again if she's left unattended with the child. Meaning - Your husband shouldn't allow unsupervised visits between the aunt and the child. Basically if this didn't bother your husband, it shouldn't bother you since she's his daughter. Spanking is a choice many families need to make before raising children. Your step daughter will be just fine, no need to cry about it, what's done is done. I do agree that outsiders not respecting parents wishes is a problem. Good Luck

Unfortunately because of custody issues there really is nothing that you can do, except talk to the mom about her sister method of discipline. Not everyone is going to agree with you about not spanking. Myself included but for the situation you describe a spanking was a bit over the top. In this my own home time outs also are the norm with the expectation of serious infractions that can result in serious harm for the child. I spanked my nephew once when he got into his mom's candle basket to get matches at 4 after I have told him no and removed it from his reach and he pulled a chair over later to them. As for the punishment being up to the parents.... If the parents are not there then it's up to the caregiver to discipline. Hours later a 3 year old especially will have no clue as to what the punishment is for.

I think that spanking is not always necessary, however my son insists on trying to pull the outlet cover out so he can stick his finger in the outlet, I have spanked him for that. I would much rather spank him then lose him. As for nailpolish my son has broken a couple bottles of my nail polish kids will be kids

Your husband and his ex need to get on the same page about forms of discipline, and make sure any caregivers know what type of discipline your collective family uses.