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Is being a Child Care Worker and a Preschool Teacher the same thing?

Parents: How do I get this teacher off of me and my step-daughter's backs?

  • My step-daughter is ten. Her mom's not around, so it is my business. I take care of her and she's like another child to me. Anyway, she's in fifth grade. She's in a lot of after school activities and has friends in those, outside of school. She only has really one friend at her school and they don't see each other much because they have different teachers and her friend lost the privilege of recess for the rest of the year (long story). Due to this, my daughter doesn't play much on the play ground. She knows kids from her class, but a lot of them she has approached and they have rejected her. The rest, she doesn't have interest in being friends with them. Okay, fine. It's not like she's completely antisocial, as I said she's in activities and sees friends outside of school. So I guess at recess she'll either go on the swing set or read. I got a call from the teacher saying she was concerned that she had no friends and that she wasn't socializing. I explained everything but the teacher still kept on saying that she needed friends in school. The year is nearly over and she'll be graduating and heading off to middle school where it'll be a clean slate. My husband agrees with all of this. This "problem" as the teacher so calls it, doesn't get in the way of her schoolwork, she's still learning and doing great. The teacher started talk of sending her to a social worker and I put my foot down and said "It isn't her fault some of the kids don't want to play with her. She's tried being friends with the others but it didn't work out." Yesterday, my step-daughter came home. She said she was reading under a tree at recess and the teacher came over and told her to go play on the swings and talk to some people. She declined nicely and the teacher took away her book and told her she would get it back after recess. The book is not school property, it was purchased by my step-daughter a few months back. I was very upset to hear this, especially since I have asked the teacher to leave the situation alone. My step-daughter isn't overweight from not playing at recess, she does swimming year round and flag football in the fall plus she stays in good shape. How do I get her off our backs? What would you do in this situation? I haven't called her (the teacher) yet because I don't know what to say at this point.

  • Answer:

    i gotta say i totally disagree with what ellie said. teachers are there to teach, mentor, counsel, be another positive force in your kids' lives. they're with your kids for a very large proportion of their waking hours when you are not. presumably the teacher is acting out of real concern. if you think she's doing more harm than good, you schedule a meeting with her, thank her profusely for taking an interest in your daughter, and then explain to her why your introverted daughter, who does in fact have friends, just honestly prefers to -- perhaps even needs -- have that recess time to herself. go to your bookstore, get a copy of "Quiet" and lend it to the teacher. it's a good manifesto for introverts everywhere. advocate for what she needs but don't be rude, don't burn bridges, don't take a person who wants to be an advocate for your daughter and put her off by issuing threats. instead, help her understand what kind of advocacy your daughter really needs.

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You go in and you sit her down, tell her to back the heck off, leave your daughter alone, stop taking things from her when is doing no harm and say if she doesn't then you will file a complaint with the school board. EDIT: Teachers are there to teach, not mentor or counsel your children. I do say this as someone who enjoyed being alone at Primary school, and was bullied by the teachers into joining in and utterly hated it. So, for me, I view teachers as teachers, not friends or mentors. if you have a good teacher who isn't pushy that can be an asset.

She sounds like she has an awesome teacher, who care about her social life! I know what it is like to have no friends, maybe your step-daughter needs to play with the other kids that she has no interest in.

I Love Lucy

Personally, this is one of the reasons i hated my teachers in school. Hated them with a deep intense passion. I wasn't interested in the kids at school, starting from an early age. They held absolutely no appeal for me. I didn't want to run around with them and be annoyingly giddy with them. I was way more at home in a quiet spot on my own. I didn't reject kids, but i certainly didn't go out of my way to interact with them. And then i would catch hell from my teachers saying i needed to be playing with the other kids. All i could say is, "Why?" Why is playing with kids i don't like and don't want to be around a requirement? It would be one thing if i wanted to and felt rejected or couldn't, but i just simply DID NOT want to play with them. It was that simple. I was happier on my own and that is what should have mattered. There's no law that says kids in school have to play with each other. My teachers caused me more harm than good by trying to force me to interact with people that i didn't care to interact with. I already had social anxiety so them putting me in uncomfortable situations that i didn't want to be in and wasn't ready to be in just made it that much worse. Not to mention the fact that it made me lose all respect i had for them and trust i had in them. As far as your situation... Maybe you and your husband just need to double up forces and meet with the teacher together. There's nothing you can do about her confiscating the book. Teachers hold the power to confiscate things as they please as long as those things make it back to the rightful owners in a timely fashion. But maybe talking to her together will get her to lay off. Thank her for her concern, but let her know that your daughter just isn't interested in the children at school and that you would appreciate it if she got off her high horse and respected that.

CDT

The teacher is right, kids learn more in school than just their studies.

Loki

I think she has a great teacher and the teacher knows her as an individual not just one of the many students in class because in some classes kids don't get one on one help and attention. It sounds like she is truly concerned and wants the best for your step- daughter.

I wouldn't even wait for a next time I would call a meeting with the teacher, principal, her father, and you now. What the teacher did was totally uncalled for and it needs to be stopped. As someone said, they are there to TEACH. It's good that she was concerned about your child but it should have stopped when you assured her that she did have friends/a social life it just wasn't with the kids at school. Plus kids these days don't read enough as it is. Taking away a book as incentive (or "punishment" as the child would see it) to go play with the other kids will only harm. She was not being disruptive with the book or hurting anyone or herself. The teacher had no right. I was in a similar situation in elementary school only I did not have after school activities. Many of my friends were either a year younger or a year older with different recess times (or had already gone to middle school) I LIKED being the girl sitting under a tree getting lost in a book (I was also not some overweight kid I was and still am small for my age) It wasn't my teachers but my mom that would push me to make friends and honestly all that did was make me NOT want to make friends with the other kids. She didn't back off until after middle school and THAT'S when I started to become more confidant in myself and make more friends. The teacher is wrong and this needs to be addressed immediately.

Ruthie

Tell her the next time you mention it you'll talk to the principal.

You've already made your wishes clear to the teacher. It's now time to discuss the issue of the teacher's behaviour with the prinicpal. The teacher is trying to do the right thing, which is to be conscious of children who are being left out. I don't believe she's intentionally trying to upset you or your daughter, she just doesn't know when to quit. Her boss will be able to spell it out for her.

sheloves_dablues

You have a valid point, but I kind of agree with the teacher's point of view. It is important that your daughter does not alienate herself from her peers. Instead of a smackdown with the teacer, I would meet with her and discuss what the teacher can do to facilitate a relationship between your daughter and her peers. Since your daughter has been rejected already, it will be that much more difficult for her to approach other children. Maybe the teacher can organize a game of kickball that everybody is required to play or something along those lines to encourage social interaction. If the teacher is genuinely concerned, then she will be willing to do this. If not, she needs to back off. When you meet with the teacher, maybe she will have some suggestions. I think losing your mind on her right off the bat will set a negative tone for any future meetings. If she genuinely cares about your daughter, that isn't want you want. Instead of shutting her down, try "I appreciate your concern, what do you suggest to help her be more social?" and explain what she has already tried. I'm not saying for her to try to force them to be friends or even make it obvious they are being required to play together because of anything to do with your daughter. I'm saying everybody is required to play a team activity. When they are working together on a team, they get to know each other and maybe become friends. If not, no harm done.

K Woww

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