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Which summer camp should I send my daughter to?

Should we force our daughter to go to camp?

  • My 16 year old daughter spent the last 2 summers (4 weeks) at sleep away camp in the Adirondacks and LOVED it. Now that she has a boyfriend she decided she doesn't want to go this summer (would be her last year to go) because she wants to get a part time job and spend time with her bf and her friends. Her bf is very controlling and obsessed with her. She also has 2 sweet 16 parties to go to. She is adamant about not going as much as my wife is adamant that she goes. It is ruining their relationship to the point that my daughter says she will run away before she goes to camp, and my wife says i am being a bad husband because I am not more forceful that she goes. My wife will be traveling during these 4 weeks, so if our daughter doesn't go to camp, she will be home alone during the day while I am at work. While we trust her, we don't trust her boyfriend very much... So, we send her away and she's miserable or she stays home and we take a risk. Not to mention she loses out on the best experience of her life! What do you think?

  • Answer:

    I can't think of any 16 year old that will want to go to ANY camp - unless they're going as a camp leader/counselor. She doesn't want to go, so don't make her. She's old enough to start making her own decisions (no camp, wants a job) and the consequences that go with it (missing out on camp, hates her job). That's just life. As for the boyfriend, that calls for a serious family sit-down. Everyone needs their defenses down and to talk about your concerns for HER - not about how much you hate the guy or don't trust him. Because the more you forbid him (or try to take her away from him), the more she'll fight to see him. I don't know the history of your wife/daughter's relationship, but it sounds like those two could use some work (and quit looking to you as the referee). Some family counseling may help as well, especially if the daughter seems to make a habit out of finding controlling men/boyfriends. ETA: Besides, do you want to know the shenanigans I got into when I went to camp around the 15/16 year old range? It was bad, let's just put it that way. So if your wife thinks that sending her to camp will save her from doing anything "bad," then your wife has a real eye-opener coming her way. Sending a pissed off 16 year old to camp in the mountains with other equally-disenchanted kids is a WORSE recipe for danger than her being home alone would ever be.

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of course not -sit down for a family meeting to discuss the issue. listen without judgment or emotion and work on a compromise that benefits everyone.

KitKat

Send her. She will probably thank you for it later on. And her boyfriend shouldn't be controlling, what they need is a break!!

don't send her because she had legitimate reasons for not wanting to go, but a serious talk about her boyfriend is due, and if you cant get through to her try to get her to talk to a therapist so that she can discuss why she wants to stay with her boyfriend while the therapist keeps in min your reasons for not wanting her to be with him a third party always helps :) and if she's 16 it might b "lame" to go to camp now

shes 16, seems a little old for her to be forced into something like going to camp. Just my opinion though, I dont have a 16 year old child so I dont know much about parenting them. I think she will just rebell if you make her do something she doesnt want to do though. And her actions might be much more worse then what you would want.

Stephanie

Send her to camp unless you want to become a grandpa this summer.

Bella

Well, you already answered your own question. You daughter said that if you force her to go, she will run away. Do you really want that to happen? She will probably try and run away with her boyfriend. In less than two years she will be a legal adult and then you guys will really be in trouble. It should be her decision.

let her do what she wants t do. she'll just make a big fuss otherwise. if she doesnt want to go, she doesnt want to go, and surely her wanting to get a job is a good thing?

Oh dear this is a tricky one for you and your wife. It's a shame your wife won't be home same time. Think the fact your daughter is adamant she don't want to go says she won't even try to enjoy herself and will be pining for her bf the whole time. Your home in the evenings at least. I'd let her stay home but wouldn't let the boyfriend stay over it's your house, your rules. Tell your daughter she is to look for this part time job daily and it's not a fact of lazing about at home. Could you pop home lunchtimes now and again because I wouldn't make it easy for her. As for the controlling bf I'd have a quiet word with him to be less controlling or else. I'm afraid at this age we need to give some leeway or they will just rebel.

Debs

First of all only SHE can say what experience will be the best of her life. Everyone has different ideas/moments of what that is. For some it's camp, for others it's prom, could be college or getting your first apartment, could be marriage or having kids. There are so many experiences one has in life and because people are so different they will each have a different idea of "best". Plus she's already had 2 summers of this camp it's not like this is some new once-in-a-lifetime chance at this experience. Second, why in the world are you letting your daughter date someone you do not trust? You're still the parents and have a say in who she hangs out with and sees. If you don't like him then do something about it. This is a tough time for both kids and parents, she's 16 old enough to make SOME decisions for herself but not ALL. Let her stay home this summer and get a job but get rid of the unhealthy relationship.

Ruthie

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