Can anybody explain what/why parents can treat their offspring differently?

(((Toke))) I don't know why people do this but it happens a lot.I have a cousin that was a red-headed step child (He was really red-headed).When he was three and his sister was two their mom died.A few years later their father remarried.Their step mom always hated the stepson.Never had anything to do with him and it was terrible when we were growing up.I blame his dad though for letting it happen,because he would go along with it.

I am still researching this, but there might be preferences based on "types". Astrological types, enneagram types, essence types, and so on. In other words, genetics and parenthood might not tell the whole story. I don't know how much I want to believe this, but I am working and studying about it. My own parents switched on me and my brother. I was mom's favorite up until I fell apart from alcoholism. My brother, free of that disease, then became my mom's favorite, and I was cast out. Human beings are not just fungible, equivalent replacements for each other. Some individualities make some of us more likable to some, than to others. There might be such things as "instinctive love" and instinctive revulsion".

There are a lot of factors to consider in these situations. I have 5 children and I treat them each very differently because they are each individuals. The way that I treat them is reflective of their personality, and of the way they treat me, and of their behavior, and of our relationship. It has very little to do with their fathers- the oldest two have a different father but all were raised by my second husband. I have seen it the other way though, and I believe that some parents, bitter about the way the relationship ended, become frustrated and scared when they see traits of the other parent in their child. I imagine that it is difficult for them to separate those traits from the person they are truly angry with. Hope this helps.

I can only base my answer on my experience. I desperately love my two kids who are of the same father. Still they are so very very different and 9 years apart too, so it is sometimes challenging but they are both the same in terms of being loved for who they are by me. I can't explain why a parent fails to love a child, it is incomprehensible. In the role of child I can remember feeling unloved, unfortunately. Who knows why...maybe to the parent they think they are loving the child whereas the child does not feel it, incapable (?) or very perceptive.... I don't know why, I just felt less loved or at the least less loved than my sibling obviously was...as it happens I had an older sibling who was definitely the chosen one, an no matter all her wrongs to date will always be the chosen one. It can be hard to be the one who is not loved, unforgivable. And for me anyway it has been a slight long handicap in my formative years...thank God for love outside of parental love. That saved me. So my experience has taught me to show both my kids an overwhelming emotional expression of love for them (always both of them) everyday, without a doubt. If I feel it or not.

I think this question can be simplified to just - why would you be indifferent or hateful to your offspring. The love for at least one of them is the understandable part. I don't know if this counts but... I love my 22 year old nephew immensely, but do not try to reach out to him anymore because it causes me too much pain. Of course, if he was my own child, I would be in his face, but the dysfunction that he grew up in has made him into a recluse. He does nothing, ever. Perhaps when a parent with custody puts up too many barriers, the other parent gives up...and hopes that one day the child understands and establishes a relationship with him or her when the child is old enough to make his or her own decisions. Perhaps the parent doesn't realize that it doesn't work this way - that effort must and should be made to maintain contact throughout the childhood. But there are truly self-centered people out there as well, who couldn't be bothered...my nephews father included (my brother). LOL - I hate to state the obvious, but becoming an alcoholic and a burden to your parent doesn't count! Tough love, baby - stop looking at the stars and look in the mirror instead - the answer is in the mirror!

I'm not sure this is what you're looking for but as the child who has been the obvious favorite his whole life I'd have to say, for my parents at least, it's because they have good taste. As for what you're speaking about all I can say is that's horrible. I don't have children and therefore my opinion may not carry the weight that another user's might but if I had a child I would cherish them even if I wasn't a fan of the other parent.

Eh, in my case, it was because I was always sort-of homely. Everyone just knew looking at me that I would grow up looking ready-made for prison or the trailer park.

Because people are imperfect beings heavily guided by emotion not rational logic.

Freud knew all about this one. He wasn't all cigars and trains you know.