Wondering if i can actually get some feedback from mothers here...physical abuse...?

• Just to let you know im staying private about this subject. This is my 2nd account and my 1st one is the one i use as myself. This is something that ive only told a few people and don't feel comfortable telling family or friends. Ok so i will be 20 next month, my husband will be 22 next week, and our baby is over a year old. The story is that my husband grew up in another country, not the US, and was raised to be tough and work, work, work. He's a great man/husband, father, and friend. But 1 thing, he was physically abused by his father and that has really affected him. He says that he's proud of it but really i know he's just proud because of the way he turned out. I believe he turned out the way he did because he chose to learn from his father's mistakes. He's a hard worker and responsible. So the abuse has been passed on to me. We've had quit a few incidents of him hitting him and yes leaving marks too but whether he has or not it's still physical abuse. He's hit me with objects, thrown objects at me, thrown me to the floor etc. I know the typical women that is in a abusive relationship says it's there fault and that he really does love her. They're possesive, overly jealous, and demanding. The thing is my husband isn't. The only problem is that when i get him very mad, or he gets very mad if you want to say instead, he doesn't control himself and he hits me. He's careful to never hit me on my face like punching or slapping. I don't want advice on leaving him because im not going too i know that's hard for most to believe but until you're in my place you won't understand. I can't remember exactly how long it has been since the last time he's hit me but it's been at least 3 months now. We have talked about it, he has cryed about treating me that way, and of course i have too. We have talked and he doesn want to change and he has so far. I know he won't change over night but then again it's not like he hit me for the dumbest reasons or even every week. It's just when he would get really pissed. If this continues, and he knows it too, i will eventually have to leave. He has mentally, verbally, and emotionally abused me too. I think that always comes with pyshical abuse. He has never hit our baby. He does love me and i love him. He isn't the typical abusive guy that asks me where im at all the time, accuses me of cheating and lieing, crawls back to me after he's hit me, or gets violent when he's drunk. His father actually was always drunk and abused him when he was so he says that people take advantage of being drunk and become violent. So he's safe when he's drunk or been drinking a few beers. He actually gets emotional and talks about his tough life growing up. He's been working since he was 5 years old, remember he's from another country a spanish speaking one, and he's been independent since he was 14 years old. Luckily he finished school and that's where we meet in high school. He's put me down very badly cursing at me in spanish and saying insulting words. He's told me that im a piece of sh*t to him and that i can't get better than him. That's actually the only thing he's said anything that has to do with me being with anyone else. He's told me that if i want to leave there's the door but to never come back. He doesn't believe in taking breaks in a marriage so me staying with family when things were bad was out of the question. He really does love me and other than when he's hit me he respects me. One time we had the neighbors call the cops. We live in an apartment on the 2nd floor so we have people who can hear us from all around. This happened quit a few months ago maybe almost a year ago. The cops knocked on the door and i didn't think it was them so i hesistated to answer the door. So they knocked again and i was on my way to open it when they kicked it down and had there guns in there hands! I over heard one of the cops saying that the person that called heard a women and man yelling and a baby crying. And i was yelling "Stop! stop!" "No! no!" and he was yelling at me while the baby was crying. We have moved on and tryed to put this past us. We want the best for our child and for eachother. We just want to be happy but i know it may happen again. I really just want to hear of other people in my shoes. The reason for me writing this is to ask how many of you out there are still married to the man that has or still does physically abuse you? How many of you understand me? What did or have you done about it?

• Answer:

  RIght now, my only concern is that little baby. You two are old enough to defend yourselves, but that innocent child isn't. I know you have said that your husband has never abused your child but you can't take that risk in the future. There is a first time for everything. I grew up in a abusive home. My dad was an alcoholic and my mom acted like nothing happened. I will hate them forever for not protecting me... especially now that I am a mother myself. Even though your baby is not being abused, he/she is living in a very unhealthy environment. Your child is absorbing all of this by watching and listening to the arguing and abuse. Why would you want to subject you and especially your child to this unhealthy relationship? You are the only one that can change things. Your husband has absolutley no control over his actions. He gets frustrated with you so he takes it out on you. What happens when your child is old enough to frustrate him? You think he has a little more control just because that is his child? NO! You need to get out of this relationship for YOUR CHILD. Unless your husband decides to go for counselling and he completly changes his ways, you would be stupid to stay. Your child will hate you forever. You have already had the cops at your door once. That should scare you enough to know what your husband is doing is WRONG.