How To Feel Good?

Teens: How to Feel Good About Yourself?

• I'm 14 and, I honestly feel like I need other people to make me happy. If I don't have a friend around, I can't really talk to new people, because I feel like theres no one there to back me up. For example, if I go to a picnic or something by myself with no friends, I feel really lonely, and its hard for me to go up and talk to people who already have a group of friends. I also don't feel good about doing something unless I'm recognized by others for it. I want to be manager of the school football team for popularity, but since I don't have a partner to be around me I don't want to do it anymore, because I'll be alone. I also just don't know how to approach new people, because I'm always worried they'll think I'm weird. And I feel like the friends I do have have this year don't even seem to really like me. I hang out with the same 6 people, but they always seem to have more fun without me, and I go to a small school so I can't really meet new people. I also want everybody to like me. As soon as I meet people I try to do something I know they'll like to please them. I really only feel good about myself after people compliment me and tell me that I'm good. Even after hours I meet someone, I'll stay in bed wondering and stressing if that person liked me. if they thought I was clever, if they think I'm attractive, etc. One thing I know is good about myself is that I'm very smart. In my 8th grade class I was voted "Most Likely to Succeeed." I'm top of my class of 200 and school is just something I'm naturally good at, and I'm a straight A student. Grades is something I know I'll always be able to control. I know eventually I'll be really successful because I'm hardworking, but when people tell me that I try too hard and have no life other than school I feel bad again. I also know that my family is well-off and doing better than most families in this recession, but I still feel like for some reason, that's not enough. I also think I'm ugly. I'm really dark, since both of my parents are straight from Africa, and feel insecure about that. I also have short hair, and I think if I only had long hair I would look so much better. My acne also makes me feel really self-conscious, but then when I wear make-up I feel like everybody can see it and see that I'm trying to be fake. I try to dress up and look good, and was nominated for best dressed in my school. That made me really happy for a while, because I want people to notice the way I dress and the clothes I wear and admire it. I feel really bad and angry, or I guess jealous whenever someone gets a better grade on a test than me, is prettier than me, or has more friends. How can I build self-esteem/confidence and just enjoy my life? I always worry about what others think about me, and I'm afraid to say or do things I really want or approach people because of that. I'm only 14 and want to enjoy my life, because sometimes I feel so depressed. So, how can I feel good about myself wherever I go, even if I'm alone? I'm also afraid of talking to people because I've seen people come up and talk to a group of people and they seem to get along, but then when that person leaves the group of people talk about that person. So I guess, I'm afraid of being that person that everybody hates. And I want everybody to like me, and when they don't it really hurts. And If I'm alone I feel like a loser. Like, if I go to the pool or a restaurant all by myself I just feel so down and I don't know why. Sorry, I know this is a lot but I feel like I need things to be happy. Like having a FaceBook, I really want one, and if I had one I would be so much more popular but my parents won't let me. Or if I had my room painted, or texting on my phone, or long hair.

• Answer:

  Im sure your a beautiful and intelligent person! You would be surprised what you can do when you put your mind to it, but first you might want to look at the stuff I have below. 1) Don't care about what everything thinks. Caring about what everyone thinks is exhausting, care to an extent, but no matter what in life there are some people who are not going to get along with you. Instead try meeting new people. I know you said your shy, buy branch out. Find a sport or activity you like (Art, swimming, helping out the community, church groups, ect.). If people have similar interests with you then they will be easier to talk to. 2) Your not the only one feeling like this. I think everyone has had a point in their life where they didn't feel good/prettier/smart/or skilled enough. Just do the best you can and be a good person. 3) To make close friends its better to hang out with a one-on-one basis just till they get to know you. How can you approach someone? Heres a scenario : You see a girl reading a book you absoultly love. Go up and smile to her saying you liked it, chances are she will tell you how she likes it, but if this ever does happens make sure not to give spoilers! 4) Look in the mirror and see what you like most about yourself and realize looks, beauty, and make are not everything, but if you want try enhancing the features that you think make you look good. If you want to do better on a test then try and study harder or ask the teacher for extra help. Maybe thats another way to meet people to, to ask them or have them ask you to help them study. 5) Appear confident. A person with a broad smile on her face and carries herself well is much easier to talk to or joke with then someone who looks at the ground when she talks or is always frowning . Carry yourself highly and have fun. 6)Believe me Facebook does not make you popular. Its a fun website to have to keep in touch with friends, but just because someone adds you as a friend on facebook doesn't mean you are automatically buddies, so remember that if you do ever get one. 7) Hair can be cute short. If you feel the need to change it , change it for you. Go to a hairsylist and have them help pick you a fun, but sexy hairstyle. You can always add extentions if needed. Everyone is beautiful and unique don't forget that your are no exception. If everyone was the same life would be boring, also you might be surprised but pretty much everyone in high school or middle schools feels like you do sometimes.