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Are there any states that have a different illegal bac that's not .08?

Getting married 12/08,but living in different states for the first year and half of marriage. Is that wise?

  • I'm a single mother i have a daughter not by the man who i am engaged to. i live at home with my mother. everyone knows that wisdom is admirable by God and I try to live by that. My fiance is in school in another state. he says that we should get married now because what would be the difference from doing it now than later other than our living arrangements and still live apart. thats a big deal to me. i told him that in every situation we should use wisdom regardless to our own personal feelings. he say's that we won't be able to move back together until he is financially stable. only God knows when that will be. he doesn't graduate from college until 2009 maybe 2010 depending on how it goes. my thing is i don't think that i can be married and live 5hrs away from my husband and be comfortable with it. he tells me well at least we won't be living in sin when we see each other because we'll be married and that marriage is honorable,which i already know. he says he's just ready for it now. i don't want to feel like i still have to depend on my family b/c my husband isn't financially stable to take care of us. When i told him maybe we should wait until we can be together he got mad at me and said that i must be scared because im trying to post pone things. I told him that it wasn't like that. so he said give me a reason why it wouldn't be wise to get married right now i told him because we cant live together he told me that the reason i gave wasn't good enough and thinks im afraid to marry him which im not.he got really mad and almost wanted to break things off. im positive i want to marry him i just want it to be the right time to get married. we have been in a relationship for 2 1-2 years friends since 15 we are both 22 right now. please tell me your thoughts. its much more to all of this but i just don't have the time to write it and you're probably tired of reading this.

  • Answer:

    I think the first few years of marriage are key in the bonding process of a relationship. Those are the years you're just starting out, learning more about each other, and making memories that are going to last for the rest of your lives. Being together is essential. I'm in a long distance relationship right now, and I know it's the hardest thing I've gone through. But once we're married, there will be no distance and we'll be able to be together..like it should be. If you were okay with the idea, then MAYBE i'd say hey you love each other,go for it. But it really sounds like youre not comfortable with the idea at all, and that he's pressuring you into doing this. So, don't. Tell him either you're together when you get married (what ever your date may be) Or you wait. If he loves you, he'll understand...if not, then maybe this isn't the right move for either of you. Good luck!

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I can understand why you have reservations about this. How do you know when he will finally be financially stable enough for you guys to finally move in and live together? What if he graduates college in a longer time than planned, or can't get a job once he does graduate? That means you would be living apart for the next 2-5 years! Marriage is a lot of communication and is about sharing your lives with each other intimately. It goes far beyond the physical and sexual relationship. You have a child to think about also, so you do need to rely on wisdom more than just wishful thinking. If you live apart for a long time, you marriage would surely disintergrate, not to mention being in college environment, he would be in situations of temptation to cheat on you.

Benji's Mommy

OMG girl... please WAIT!!! WHAT is so important that can't wait until you can be together... long distance relationships only work about 24% of the time - married or not! THINK ABOUT IT!!!

oleladymavis

If you're not comfortable with this then don't do it. If you live by the word of God then you probably don't want to end up divorced, and if you're already not sure then, then you'll probably end up divorced later.

nicole s

Umm... you're possibly getting married in a month, and you haven't figured this out yet?!?! It doesn't sound lke you have any work done for the wedding and it's hard to plan (at least a traditional) wedding with only a month to go (the wedding dress alone can take months to come in and be altered). Also, you're right about it being silly to be "married" but living with your parents. Can I ask why you are living at home when you're 22 years old? Sounds like you need to get a J-O-B. Then you can be financially stable on your own without anyone taking care of you. If you helped him you could both be married, live together now, and take care of one another. It sounds like at the moment he wants the benefits of being married without the responsibility. They go hand in hand in my world.

miss_nikki

My "wisdom" says, if you have a child and cannot support yourself you should not bring another person into your life until you can act like a responsible adult.

♥The Mrs.♥

If your love is as strong as you think it is, then the wedding could wait until your together!

<3

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dcool7

It sounds as if he is afraid if you don't get married you will go out with other men while he is away at school. Especially since you already have a child out of wedlock. But trust me, being married and living apart will not work. And it is not wise to get married under conditions. I say wait until he can support the both of you. If he doesn't want to wait and ends it then it was never meant to be. Stay home !

Rhonda

If he's more concerned about "living in sin" than whether or not you two are fully prepared to support each other in all respects, including financially, and doesn't have a concrete plan in place for your future, then you should be scared about committing the rest of your life to him right now. And if he believes that there's no difference between doing it now or later, he can just as easily wait until your concerns are resolved. Stand your ground.

MM

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