Do I have to deal with my mom being upset that my brothers aren't in the wedding? (long)?

Remind your mom that it's not just your wedding but also your fiances wedding therefore he is entitled to choose whomever HE wants to be HIS GROOMSMEN or USHERS Maybe he wants them to be people he is closer with. If ur mom wants to see your brothers in tuxes then tell them to get married. If she's really diehard in including your brothers then maybe have them do a quick speech or toast at the wedding. But in no way does your fiancé have to give in, unless of course he doesn't care or mind.

1) Why is it insulting for your brothers to be an usher? I could see if you had asked them to be a groomsmen and then 'demoted' them....but otherwise, why is this insulting? 2) You don't have to "balance out" the sides...you can have uneven numbers and the pictures will look fine. 3) It won't look weird for your SIL to be in a BMs dress and her husband to not be in a tux. It looked just fine when my own SIL was wearing her dress and her husband was wearing slacks and shirt&tie. 4) Why does your mom care? These are grown men... 5) I see nothing wrong with you talking to your fiance about having your brothers be ushers because it would mean a lot to your mom...but if you decided together not to do it, you'll need to let your mom know this topic is done with. It's not a matter of you manipulating your man...but finding a compromise.

OK me personally. You and your fiance need to sit down and, forgetting what your mum wants, discuss how you want the wedding party and who you want to do what job if there are any jobs still waiting for people to do. Once you have done this, then you both contact the necessary people and ask if they are happy to accept the assigned job. If you both agree that your brothers are not going to be ushers, then you either contact your mum and tell her or you leave it and when she contacts you asking, let her know that you both have decided that you want your wedding and not her wedding and any future opinions are to be kept to herself unless you ask. My mum started telling us who we should and shouldn't have in our wedding and after much pushing, I flipped. I told her that it was our wedding and not her's and therefore it was our decision. If she didn't like what we were doing then she was to keep quiet unless we asked. We never asked and after much reminding, she kept quiet. At the end of the day, we had OUR wedding with our friends doing what we wanted and 10.5 years later, we are still happily married. My sister, however, succumbed to her demands and the demands carried on when children were born. Their marriage didn't last due to the constant demands. Good luck. KD

Oh do I know the feeling. We decided on a small wedding party, and my husband choose three of his closest friends. Oh, were there issues when my family discovered that my two brothers were not in the wedding party. The idea of them ushering isn't bad, but I understand the feeling of wanting to plan your wedding your way, not your Mom's. (My Mom was actually pretty good about it, my mother-in-law was way worse!) How are you walking down the aisle? We got married outdoors, but I entered from an indoor building before making the aisle walk. There were two glass doors where I entered, and my brothers ended up being the doormen. It was a cool way to incorporate them into the wedding without making them ushers or groomsmen. Another idea might be to set up two guestbooks by the door, and have each brother operating them. Good luck, and congratulations on getting married!

As annoying as all this must be, you should have shut this down a long time ago. However, you left out a big detail. Who is paying for the wedding? If your parents are, it's a little more tricky, since this does give them more say in what happens. But it should never extend to who your fiance picks to stand up for him. That should have been nipped in the bud. If you're paying yourselves, then it's even more surprising that you've let this go on . Your fiance needs to see that the two of you aren't going to be micro-managed by mom for the rest of your lives, and that you will put him above all others. So no, I don't think it's fair for you to tell your mom to talk to your fiance. It's your job to defend the decisions you've made as a couple, just as it would be his job if it was his parents interfering. And if you "hate that mom is using you to make things go her way"....well, you can't be used without your permission. You're kind of painting yourself as a victim here, and your fiance needs to see that you won't LET yourself be victimized. What if he's worried that every major decision you guys make when you're married has to be approved by mommy? At any rate, if you do decide to use the brothers as ushers, you need to find a way to make it clear that this is your last compromise. I have a feeling your fiance really needs to see this.

Yes of course you have to deal with your mom She is your mom, there no way You are right Your Fiance pick the groomsmen I had my brothers do the reading at my wedding My sister also did that There a way you could choice to include your brothers in your wedding without being a groomsmen You could have one walk your mom down the isle It's your choice No matter what you choice you have to deal with your mom There is no way around this You mom is your mom, better or worst There is no way of not dealing with her You need to tell her that your husband will pick the groomsmen and you will pick the bridesmaid

Wow. Wedding planning is so full of drama, isn't it? While I think your mom is being a bit silly and manipulative, I also think that it would be nice for your brothers to be included somehow. I suggest simply asking your fiance if he would mind since it would be so easy to make your mom happy by doing this and if you could actually use ushers, then it's a reasonable request. Keep in mind that you ALL, including your soon to be husband, are stuck with each other for however long (til death do you part, theoretically) and if this one thing will help smooth the way for a nice relationship in the future, where's the harm? I don't know your mom so I can't speak on what she wants or thinks but frankly, if this is the only thing she's fussing about, consider yourself lucky. Enjoy your day and the best of luck to you.

whoaaa... your fiance should pick cause it is also his wedding i mean..

Your mom is right, It is utterly rude not to make your siblings GM. It is traditional, customary and polite to do so, and in all honesty, it is a slap in the face that they got snubbed. This etiquette rule was not made for people with close families, but for everyone. Making your brother's ushers is a good idea and a nice compromise: they get to be part of the WP and wear a tux and escort the mom's, grandmas, spouses. I do not understand why are you all hell bent over since it was you and your fiance the one that committed the faux pas in the first place. Your mother is doing you a favor by correcting your error and not let people assume that your brothers were snubbed because you had a fallout, or they do not support the relationship or your man does not like them etc, etc, yes, people do think this way and everyone that your family in attendance will be waging their tongues about the gaffe. Make them ushers and be done with it. You should be grateful that your mother is avoiding you making a fool of yourself and coming across as rude. I'm sure that is not the way you were raised. Good luck