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Where do I find a list of professional rules of etiquette?

Are there any wedding etiquette rules you find stupid?

  • There are several I think are ridiculous or outdated: 1. The idea that if someone invites you to a wedding, you're supposed to give a gift even if you don't attend. I think if you don't attend, you're not obligated to give a gift. We're inviting friends from 3,000 away and even a friend in England. We don't want them to feel obligated to send a gift, especially if they can't attend or travel a long way to get there. 2. If you invite uncoupled adults at the same address, you need to send each his/her own invitation. For example, an adult chIld who live with her parents. I think that's a complete waste of trees and postage. 3. The rule that thank you notes can't be typed or emailed. I think that's ridiculous. It's the THOUGHT that counts, not the medium. Besides, it hurts my hand to write with a pen for very long. Agree? Disagree? Any rules to add or subtract?

  • Answer:

    I totally agree with 1. I think if you go to a wedding, you SHOULD give something and it would be rude not to. I agree with 2. With 3 I can see what you mean, especially if you have heaps to write. I wouldn't be offended or annoyed if I got a typed note, as long as it had my name on it so I know it wasn't just 'one size fits all'. But a handwritten note is always nice. I don't mind I guess, as long as I get one. I don't like when people ask for money in their invitations, just rude and tacky. It's like asking people to come only so you can get money from them. Also, people should not put gift registry stuff in their invites, it should be word of mouth only. I don't like when people think their is something wrong with gift and honeymoon registries. It's their wedding, they can ask for what they like and I think you should always give the couple something they want. It's easier on the guest too. I don't think single guests should definitely be allowed to bring a date (like invite with 'and guest; on it). It's just a waster of money for the bride and groom paying for a total stranger. If the guest is single, they should just come on their own and talk to people, nothing wrong with that. I don't think it is good etiquette to comment on people's weddings when you are a guests, it's their wedding, not yours, enough said. I also think it is bad etiquette when the couple take ages after the ceremony to get their photos done, it is rude to make your guests wait hours. I think wishing wells, money and dollar dances, taking the bride hostage, are all bad etiquette and tacky, just money grabbing tactics. I am also sick of people have more than 1 bridal shower, again asking for more than they are entitled to. Greedy. Basically, just anything that is greedy, money grubbing behaviour. I know it's not that common but I also disagree with the bridesmaids paying for all their things. Fair enough they pay for their dress and shoes, but I think the bride should pay for their jewellery, bag, hair and make-up and flowers. Also, I think it is rude for parents with un-invited children to kick up a stink when they are not invited. It's not their wedding so they need to get over it and arrange a baby sitter or not go, simple.

Ms. X at Yahoo! Answers Visit the source

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I find it silly that people think that you're supposed to have your gift at least equal the amount they're paying for your dinner. That's dumb. If they can afford to spend that much then goody for them. I can't afford to spend $200 or more on a gift for my friends step-daughter (who I only met twice by the way even if I am good friends with her step-mom).

ilufthemountains

I agree with 1 and 2. However, if someone takes the time to give you a gift, you can take the time to hand write the thank you. Take an aspirin or write them over a few days, or better yet, get your fiance to write half of them.

maigen_obx

The double envelopes in invitations is the dumbest thing i've ever heard of. Why would you want to spend extra money on that and prolong your guests from reading your invitation? Some traditions are so pointless!

WG

I don't like the whole wedding favor idea. Who keeps all those? Isn't it just a waste of the couple's money to give things like that when most people don't keep them anyway? *Edit* There are a lot of superstitions related to weddings that we could do without. While I agree that it's just a bad idea for the groom to see you in the gown before the wedding (it would ruin the effect for him!), I don't think it means your wedding is doomed to fail if he does. I also dislike the idea "Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue." Where did that come from anyway? It was sort of annoying to fulfill that on my wedding day, especially since my colors didn't involve blue!

∞Infinity∞

I think a lot of the wedding etiquette rules are stupid. Of course, my personal opinion is, it's ridiculous to spend thousands of dollars on a one day party, when most young couples could use that money for something much more meaningful and lasting... like the purchase of a home... reducing their mortgage payment... or reliable transportation to and from their jobs. I think the rules of etiquette should follow with how formal a wedding the couple has. If they insist on all the bells and whistles, and insist that their guest comply, they should also bear the burden of paying for traditional invitations, and taking the time and effort to hand write thank you notes. It is considered tacky to include notes such as "no gifts please" or "money only" in formal invitations. Of course, if the wedding is held in the backyard, in jeans, with a beer toast and mini wieners on toothpicks, I don't think those notes would be inappropriate.

bill b

I disagree with you. Even if I cannot attend a wedding, I am more than delighted to send a gift and I do so not becaue I feel I have an obligation, but because I am happy for the couple and I want to. If you are stingy about giving gifts, sounds like you dont really like the bride & groom. I think Thank Yous should be handwritten. Computers are great, but Times New Roman lacks a personal touch. There are a few occasions in life which call for handwritten. Bite the bullet. I thought "etiquette" was things you do for the sake of others, like not wearing white to a wedding or not writing Cash Only on your invitations. Things like "something old something new" are traditions, not etiquette. If I think of any rules to add, Ill come back! **As a bride, I do not expect gifts. As a guest, I am happy to give a gift. No obligations.

fizzy stuff

Write your own thank you notes. Thats just tacky. It can be something short & sweet, but I once got a christmas-family-newsletter type thank you and it was So very tacky. If you care so much to invite them, at least write a nice thank you note. The rest, I entirely agree. I would add to the list, Mother of the Bride picking her dress before the Groom's mom. How silly, really.

Stephanie N

I agree with the hand written stuff... I was a drummer for 13 years then got tendenitits and carpal tunnel...had to have surgery, and any note taking is hard for me. If people love you, they will understand an inablilty to write! EDIT: I have been reading through, and I agree that notes should be hand written...However, I know some that can't do it. I cannot. If I write too long, I have to wear a brace, and suffer from over writing. No offense, I love these people, but I don't want to have to take care of my wrist! They all know about my troubles,and should understand. If not, then they don't know me very well! The asker also stated that it hurt her hand...maybe she has trouble too...

The only one I agree with is #1. The rest I think you should do. As for #2 - they get their own invite so they know they are allowed to bring a guest. I wouldn't think I was invited if I didn't get a separate invite. Plus what do you do about roommates? I had 4 friends sharing a house. They were all invited and so were their girlfriends. You send different invites not 1 invite for 8 people. #3. They were kind enough to give you a gift, the least you can do is take a few minutes and write out a note. If your hand gets tired from writing thank yous do 5 a night. You'll get them done eventually and in a timely manner.

JM

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