Before you started looking into it, how much did you THINK a wedding costs? & what is normal for your area?

I am from the NY/NJ metropolitan area, originally. The weddings in my family average between 20-30 thousand dollars. When I remarried I spent 2,000.00 total...on a simple ceremony by the town judge and an old fashioned modest home reception for very immediate family-we numbered 20....that included my outfit, the rings, the food, the beverages, the judge's fee and the cost of the marriage license & filing fee, plus a nice hotel room for two days & nights stay. I felt it was in far better 'taste' for a mature couple's second go around at marriage ( we both had been married before and were in our 50s) than a elaborate white wedding blow-out.

I work as a bridal consultant in the midwest, and I'll be honest, having a wedding in the northeast is going to be much more costly than it is here. Also, in major cities, people do tend to spend more on weddings, whereas in rural areas they don't. I see both in the store I work at, because we dress brides who are having a "major" wedding/reception in one of the more glamorous sites in our city, then I'll dress a bride who's having her wedding in her parent's horse barn. For someone who is having her wedding in a city park, with her family and friends providing the food, then spending $25K on the wedding is ridiculous. And yes, in MOST parts of the country, that's a decent down payment on a house. In my store, our customers can find wedding dresses starting at around $200 (not the $1500 start point that the bridal shows on tv talk about), and they go up from there. The most expensive gown I've ever sold was close to $15,000, and that was before accessories and alterations. I usually point brides on here to a website I found a few years back. I don't know how scientifically accurate it is because I think it's based on people who voluntarily take their survey. But, it's a good guidepost. It will allow you to put in your US zip code, and then it will break down the average price paid (again, by those who answered) by brides and grooms in that zip code. It's interesting to look at, if nothing else. http://www.costofwedding.com/ And, to respond to your question about why people "thumbs down" people who spend a lot on their weddings--why do people "thumbs down" folks who only spend a couple of thousand total on their weddings, and say "that's cheap." It's not the wedding that's important here, it's the marriage. I've seen people who had $50K weddings have their marriages go up in flames, and people who spent very little on their weddings have very successful marriages. And vice versa. How much you spend on your wedding is absolutely no indicator of how successful (or not) your marriage will be.

Last year, I realized having a wedding of my dreams was astronomical....around 100K.....so I stopped dreaming. :)

1. I believe people are jealous. I am from the south so it's not proper to talk about money with strangers, but when I do see some of the questions on here I wonder if the answerers are just jealous or maybe envious is a better word. It's very forward to suggest what other people should do with their money. If they want to spend $50k on a wedding then let them do it. You know why? Because it keeps people like me in business. I'm a wedding photographer and I depend on couples who want to spend money on my services. If every couple decided to start using disposable cameras and family with nice cameras (and any Tom, Dick, and Henry can buy a prosumer camera) I would be in trouble. That's why we haven't discussed budget with anyone because people like to judge for no reason. 2. Weddings are expensive. Plain and simple. The only way you can really have a non expensive wedding is if you have a small guest list and do the wedding yourself with non of the frills. Around here in Pittsburgh, per plate starts at $35 and can go up to $250. Hotel venues start at $10k and bigger venues can go up to $20k. My photography wedding packages start at $700 and go up to $5500. Cakes cost anywhere between $100 to $5k. 3. Not everyone wants a courthouse wedding. People shouldn't be pressing the issue. 4. Not everyone WANTS to own a house. So stop with the "it could be a downpayment on a house" argument. Sometimes people already own their homes. So they usually fire back with "Well save it for your kids college." Not everyone WANTS children and you have 18 years to save up when you do decide to have children. This is how I feel. Spend what you can afford. Everyone can't have a platinum wedding and spend 1.5 million on it. Hell, some people can't even spend $10k, but it's okay. If you are aware of your budget, you can do a lot of stuff yourself. You can cut out things that no one will notice but you. *The average cost of a wedding in Pittsburgh (where I live now) is $17,393 and $28,989 http://www.costofwedding.com/ has a nice tool to tell you the average in your area.

I though I would spend $10k, and I ended spending $30k. LOL! $25.000 is about a modest average around here. (northeast). I've been to weddings on the $150.000 range, not uncommon and by no means extravagant in my area. I guess a lot of people here cannot comprehend because the cost of living is different where they are. I love when people protest here: 'Paying $1700 for a DJ is outrageous! I paid $250 for mine, what are you thinking?", but they do not say that they are in Toledo Ohio, instead of New York City. The average household income in my town is $104.000, so a $30k wedding is not uncommon. If the median income in your area is $36.000 , then $5k weddings are more the trend. Many people here wrongfully assume that if you spend $30k on a wedding, you are in debt, homeless etc. I own my own home, paid for my wedding in cash and I have plenty of savings, thanks. Good luck ETA: hahahha it's true! the other one is "your rich daddy paid for it" LOL!

I grew up in small town, Ontario, Canada. I understood the national average for wedding + reception to be figures of $28,000-$32,000. Where I grew up my impression was that most weddings there were probably under $10,000, many much less than that as they're hosted in a family member's backyard and food and alcohol is brought in potluck style. Since becoming engaged and doing more in-depth research my thoughts on pricing has not changed, I think those figures are accurate, though I believe the national averages are most often inflated. Income makes a huge difference. In New York, incomes are much higher and there are many opportunities, dropping a decent sum of money doesn't seem like a big deal, and you're accustomed to a higher cost of living all around. In my community growing up, most were farmers just trying to get by, and while you made little, you also spent little since old farmhouses were mostly paid for and expenses few. To suddenly spend more than four digits on a wedding could seem outrageous. But then, I've lived in big city, Ontario too, and I've witnessed weddings that are very over-the-top and they depend on the guests to give cash just to pay it all off. In these events, it's almost custom you give $100-$200+ on your way in, and you'll be looked down upon if you don't. I, at the end of the day, think you should have the wedding you want and can afford. I won't criticize your decision to spend five or six figures on a wedding as long as you have the means to do so. If you're borrowing money to put on a lavish bash, I think that says a bit about your character. I also won't criticize someone who wants to spend $70 to get it done and over with at the courthouse. And I wouldn't give a thumbs-down in any of these scenarios. My dream wedding happens to be very inexpensive which works out very well for me. We are having no guests, for a variety of reasons, and we're happy to celebrate the day just the two of us and not have to entertain, which takes out a lot of expense. Our reception will just be the two of us at a nice restaurant, not our 200 closest family/friends/acquaintances. Our budget is $6000 including our honeymoon, the wedding expenses making up very little of that.

I think people think everyone is just like them-so when some see someone paying $25,000 for a wedding, while they are struggling to come up with $5,000, it doesn't even occur to them that you may be 35 years old and well established in a career or that you may have a high income. When you're 18 and still basically a kid, you think everyone is in your shoes. I really didn't know what to expect money-wise because we had a destination wedding. We knew we wanted to cover the airfare and hotel for our families, then there were the other expenses, but what we'd be spending overall, I really didn't know. It's not that we are wealthy, but we aren't kids either. My husband owns a successful business and I'm well established in my career, as well. We have disposable income. We spent what it cost to get the things we wanted. Our wedding cost us $15-20,000, and I don't know any specifics because we didn't ever keep a close eye on what we were spending. I know I got everything I wanted. I know my guests all had a blast and I know I'd do the exact same thing all over again if that was possible. We didn't go into debt, our parents didn't pay the bill (except for a dinner the night before his parents hosted)-it was just an expense, and we paid it. I think anything over 50,000 is a lot of money to spend on a wedding, but if I were a guest, it would probably be a pretty swank affair, so that would be awesome. I don't really care how anyone else spends their money. It isn't my business.

I THOUGHT we could do it for $5,000 and I didn't think that would mean cutting costs. I started looking at places that friends had gone through and realised that they had spent much more than I thought. Everyone had spent over $100 on food. We knew we'd have to have about 100 at the reception as we both have close families and those alone came to 60 people. So if we were to go to any venue we'd been to before we'd have to spend $10,000 just on the food. So thats when we started cutting corners. Firstly, the entirety of the church service is costing us $200. We're pretty active in our church so our minister is marrying us for free as well as the prematal counselling, the church youth band is playing, and families are providing an afternoon tea for after the ceremony. Our church wasn't big enough but we are afiliated with other churches so we found one and some how our minister has talked them into giving us the in house rate. I found my dress which was $2,000. I had a friend who ordered her dress online from china for minimal price and it was beyond gorgeous, so I sent through photos, $500 later my dress arrives, gorgeous! The bead and lace would is incredible, the material is incredible. Order most things online. Made our own invites (I'm pretty crafty), designed our own centre pieces, bought wooden roses (incredible). My fiancees cousin has started djing and is getting increasingly popular so he is djing as our wedding gift. Found this incredible place where food is $33 p/head for a 3 course meal. Found a 3 teired (which we got to get different flavours for each tier) gorgeous wedding cake for $200. Veil online for $18. We found the rings we want and they were going to come to $1500 (mine $1000, his $500) total. We looked around for weeks and finally found similars ones for $200 each We went to a wholesale lolly shop that sells to companies and got 2kg of silver chocolate hearts for $50. Instead of hiring cars, our relatives from interstate that are renting them are going to rent special ones and be our drivers. A photgrapher friend is doing our wedding for $600. Mum gave the jewelry she wore at her wedding. So in total - costs $200 - church $3,000 - reception food $1,500 for bar. $500 dress $600 photography $100 bridal accessories $400 rings $100 bouquets $150 centrepieces and things for reception (heart chocolates, 2 cameras p/t) $100 decorations for church (400 bottles of bubbles, sold at whole sale because the box they came in was damage so they couldn't be sold to shops.) $100 invites, postage costs etc $100 - 250 wedding programs $150 hair and make up $200 his suit and tie So thats $7.100 However there are still costs that we are covering that we shouldnt necessarily $300 bridesmaid's dresses (they are meant to pay for half but they haven't yet (it's been like 8 months) $ 30 - one pair of bm, she hasn't paid $ 50 - one gm didn't give us the money for his shirt. $ 150 - we bought the groomsmens ties $ 100 for a flower girls dress (some how we ended up paying for one and not the other?) $350 for everyones hair, there has been a bit of commotion with one of the bridesmaids (more about the make up) so I've decided to pay for the hair which was $90p/h (more because it needs to be paid before the date anyway) and they are paying the $60 for makeup. So in total we've spent $8,000 but they are costs that we could have cut, might be paid back for, or us being generous. It was beyond hard though. If we had a $20,000 bugdet we could plan a wedding easily, or if we had a $5,000 and didn't want a gorgeous wedding, we could have done that. But to plan the best wedding you can for the smallest price, you need to put a whole lot of effort in. Make a tonn of phone calls, get heaps of quotes, talk to as many people (friends, family etc) for ideas and LET people help if they want to. Also, you have to be a bit gutsy and get some stuff off the net. Go with trusted sites and... trust them! Our weddings going to be beautiful and we are going to be left with money in the bank. The wedding is also more us because of the effort we've put in. I'm not saying people who spend a lot don't have weddings that aren't them, I just know for me, it had to be us otherwise it would be a diaster. Around here, from my quotes the average wedding would easily cost $20000 however, it's still pretty typical for parents to pay for weddings here. For instance, a cousin of mine got married at 29, had a full blown wedding, probably costing $20ish but didn't have to pay a cent. I also think, in my area, they wouldn't exceed $25,000 simply because there isn't a lot you could spend your money on. I don't really mind. The truth is there is no way we could spend that much. If we could afford it, I don't think we'd turn the chance down, but we simply cant. (we're pretty young) Wow, this is a pretty awesome, intense answer. Totally think I should win for all my effort, that is, if anyone bothered to read down to here, I don't think I'd bother =) Edit: just realised I come from Aus, our cost of living is much lower.

I'm from WI and originally thought our wedding would be about $15,000-$20,000. We ended spending about $35,000.....which I think is ridiculous! However we still get compliments to this day on our wedding and we did not put any of it on credit cards, so I'm okay with it. If you have the money to spend, great...who are we to judge others on what they do with their own money?