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Question for people in Geneva?

Question For Married & Engaged People... or just people with common sense!?

  • I know this is long, but its better to have a full understanding of this situation for you to answer this. First a little about me... I am a wedding photographer in Massachusetts. The style of photography that I offer is photojournalism which simply means I capture more candid and unexpected photos than posed ones because I feel that these are the captured moments that truly tell the story of a wedding when they are all nicely put together. But back to the subject here, I just got back from doing a wedding tonight that was a casual styled wedding on cape cod. It was all outdoors on the beach with the reception outdoors as well under a tent. Overall the wedding went really well, with a couple exceptions which brings me to a two part question, the first asking for your outlook and opinion, and the other is a "what would you do". First, I wanted to know what people thought about this. Almost 100% of the times as a photographer I take photos right up until people are getting ready to eat. I will capture some photos of them in buffet lines, or being served their food, but I don't like to get photos of people eating, it just seems rude to me. So during these times I am almost 100% of the times also invited to a plate of dinner by the bride and groom, until tonight... they did not at all offer me as much as a glass of water! So, my first question is if you have hired a photographer to capture your entire wedding day... keeping in mind that this is the person who is going to capture the moments that you will have for a lifetime to remember your special day.. would you or would you not invite them to have a dinner plate? And I don't mean to sit at a table or to reserve a seat for me, just in general, would you offer me a plate, or even a drink throughout the evening? Now, this is where I get into the what would you do... sorry if I am long winded so far, but I could write a short story with everything that happened tonight with this wedding... okay, the what would you do... Again, as I said, I feel uncomfortable about taking photos of people while they are eating because I myself don't even like someone watching me eat, never mind taking a photo of me with food having out of my mouth! BUT the grooms brother came over to me and as I thought he was offering me a plate of dinner, to my surprise he said to me that the bride and groom have a request for me to take photos of people while they were eating. The reason why is because the wedding was a non-traditional, casual beach side wedding with a clam-bake dinner and they wanted to have photos of people eating lobsters, etc.. So since I have been hired by them to take the photos, and this is what they want, of course I had to do it, right? Well as I am doing it the brides best friend (who planned much of the wedding) comes over to me and "politely" says to me, "do you mind not taking photos of people while they are eating, I don't think that it is too nice or even professional...." You can already imagine the thoughts that were going through my head. But I POLITELY told her back that I was requested to take these photos, she asked by whom, and I explained.. so she says "okay, hold on and let me look into this, come with me" Now this woman has already crossed the line telling me how to do my job which I hate, brings me over to the bride and groom and explains that I was out taking photos of people while they were eating and that I told her that the bride and groom wanted the photos... almost like a 5 year old tattling! The bride and groom simply said, "ya....?" and the best friend, or planner, says "and you want him taking these pictures?" and they said yes, that they already told people that they had me taking them and thought it would look good for their album since it was a beach wedding with a clam bake. So now I am already getting ready to walk away and the lady yet again comes over to me and says "okay, but maybe for only a few minutes... okay?" I just simply said to her "my job takes however long it takes me to get the photos that I need to put together what the bride and groom hired me to create, and I cannot create a lifetime of memories in a few minutes" At this point she looked at me, said nothing and walked off. The rest of the night she gave me dirty looks, said nothing to me at all, except for when she thought she could continue to direct me to get more photos that she thought I should be getting... and meanwhile I already went over all of the photos with the BRIDE and GROOM that they wanted for me to get. Well, because of this woman's interruptions there are many photos that I had missed out on that I should have got... so that is my "what would you do".... Seeing that this woman is the best friend of the bride and helped plan the wedding, would you tell the bride and/or groom about this? What if they ask about why there are not too many photos of people eating lobster, or the other photos that they wanted that I k

  • Answer:

    Ah, yes- weddings never cease to amaze! I too am in the industry. I'd say that you had a pretty bad night my friend! You do have every right both as a professional AND as a human being to feel degraded. The point of the dinner- these folks are ignorant. Not being mean, it's just the truth. It absolutely NEVER occurred to them that you would need to eat, or that it is normal to offer a plate to the photographer. These seem the type to include where they are registered right on the invite, and I'd hate to be their server at any restaurant. I'm sure they'd be surprised to find out the 15% gratuity is a minimum norm. Now, the touchy subject of business. 9 times out of 10 you do need your customers to walk away with the warm & fuzzies so that they will be inclined to pass your name along. So upon your next meeting, be cordial, funny, complimentary (of course, as I'm sure you always are) and IF the subject arises at all- not enough food in face pictures- than tell them professionally that being pulled from your job to be tattled on CERTAINLY took away from their potential photographs/experience. Their "planner" was way too involved for their own good- she should foot the blame. That is the truth, and you shouldn't suffer the blame if it comes up...which it probably won't. HOWEVER- if they do cause a stir- stick up for yourself. You are a professional. You do great work, all of your other clients are blown away...and do you really need these people to enhance your career? No. You need to be happy with your work- clearly you were not happy taking pictures of people eating. So don't put up with this bride & groom if they make an issue, that is- don't apologize and become a doormat. There is a major misconception abrew today- that the bride & groom (the bride) is the only person in the universe that matters. Brides-to-be are the only ones with this idea...unfortunately we as professionals cater to that as part of the business and thus get used/abused in the process. Look at the grand scope of your work- I'm sure more than 90% of the time you are very happy with your work- with good reason ; )

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Of course I offered our photographer dinner. I didnt do it directly; it was a minor detail and I figured it was understood (the norm) so I guess he either figured it out, or the woman at the venue told him. We paid over 5k for our photographer, and while he was great we did not tip. He works for himself and sets his own prices. I tip a DJ or someone who is making less and working for a company. That friend of theirs was annoying! But you are a professional, and you cannot blame all your missed shots on the guest from hell. You gotta find a way to work around her. Sorry, but thats part of the job of a photographer; conditions will NOT always be ideal. Thats why people hire professionals. I suggest you do the best you can with the album. If they mention something about missed photos, then you should tell them you got mixed signals from the wedding planner and you apologize.

fizzy stuff

I could not read it all but in a nutshell, bring a sandwich and only listen to the one who signs the check.

KRS

They were quite rude to not offer you a plate but give them the benefit of the doubt by saying they were too wrapped up in their special day to consider other people. As far as the rude, interrupting woman goes, don't mention her unless the bride and groom ask about the photos or look discontent. It would do no good to mention her, have them offended, and then speak badly of you.

BluhBluh

1st. Good manners and kindness to offer you a plate. However they are not required to feed their contractors. If this is the first time this has happened, perhaps packing a small snack for next time would be prudent. Personally, I would have offered. 2nd. Only take direction from the person paying. Give vague answers about how long it will take. "I'll work as fast as I can." "I appreciate your concern for the guests. I'll do my best." Something like that may have satisfied the planner.

jetseattle

Well first of all had it been me...someone in my group would've invited you to join in eating and drinking! That's just common courtesy and how I was raised. Anyway the chick coming up telling you how to do your job needed to mind her own business. Not only was she NOT paying for the wedding...she was being very disrespectful to the couples wishes when she was clearly TOLD by THEM that you were supposed to be taking them. She was very rude and taking over their day and in a sense ruining their wedding album. Heck yes I would tell them! And as far as her giving you dirty looks...don't worry about that...she's just an ill nature d wench & probably everyone that knew her there knows it. I'd definitely tell them "sorry I didn't get as many shots of the dining but the bridesmaid from hell kept harassing me." Hopefully you're nicer than me because I'd have embarrassed her...lol Maybe you should've taken pics of her dirty looks and then they'd see her hateful personality and know you're telling the truth lol.

Lonesome Dove

You are not a guest. You are hired to do a job for which you will be paid. Each dinner served to guests is expensive and the couple has to tell the caterer exactly how many guests they will have in advance. They do not count the photographer, the bridal consultant, the florist or any other people they hired as guests who will get a dinner. If someone offers you food, that is very nice but you should not expect it. It is not a perk that comes with your job. And no, I would not feed you either.

notyou311

1. I would offer a plate of dinner if you are: a) slim and hungry looking, (after working for hours you probably would) b) fat and hungry looking, I wouldn't offer a plate of dinner if you are fat and full looking. I don't know the situation but in my humble opinion it seems like a rich fart wedding so they may have thought "as somebody working for them" you don't deserve to share their dinner because it would make you kinda equal with them and of course you can't be equal with them because you work for them. Other possibility is; they were trying to be unique and creative with their wedding so doing something that human beings would do might have seem ordinary and non-creative to them. Maybe there's some other possibilities too, but last option comes to my mind is that they were just some bunch of jerks. 2. I would offer you non-alcohol drinks because i don't want my photographer to take pictures of sky instead of me. 3. Of course i would give you a tip: "never ever marry". 4. I wouldn't bother about that lady maybe even pity her because it's obvious the most important thing she will ever be was being "best friend" in a friend's wedding and she was trying to be bossy because it was the most important thing she has ever had a chance to do in her little life.

celik_temren

wow u write 2 much but yes i would give u something 2 eat or drink, i did wen i had my quinceanera we served both of the photographers like if they were guests, and yes u should tell da bride n groom dat it was da other ladie's fault but only if dey ask.

CYN7HI@

okay, so let's see...i have been to plenty of weddings in the past and from what i've seen and also from what i feel myself, the bride/groom SHOULD have offered u a plate. maybe not right away, when the rest of the guests were getting their food, but after them, YES, u should have been invited to eat. i understand that a photgrapher is there for the job, he/she is supposed to take pics, but it is just rude not to offer him/her somthing to eat. now about the pics while eating. every wedding i've been to, the photographer takes pics of the guests and bride and groom while eating. it's just part of the wedding. the bride and groom go through som much trouble deciding what to serve at the wedding, so they have to have some memory of it, and those memories come from the pics. also, they would probably like to know if the guests liked the food. about the tip...this part i'm not sure cuz it's none of my business how much somebody is paid or if that person is tipped or not, but if it were my wedding, i would definitely tip my photographer, ESPECIALLY if he/she had to go through so much trouble with friends of the bride/groom. and not to be rude to the bride/groom, but if they have any problem with the pics, i really, really think u should tell them about the friend since she was the reason u might have pissed some pics. so yeah, that's what i think.

chocolate

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