What wedding-related misconceptions would you like to see resolved once and for all?

I have three main things: 1) I wish that more brides would get out of their head the whole concept of it being "my day." First off, it begs the obvious question: why isn't it "our day"? But moreover, the "it's my day" defense has been offered up to mitigate a whole line up of atrocities. Getting married does not give one the right to suspend normal consideration of others. Other things are, dare I say, much more important, like friendship, family harmony, and the happily-ever-after of your life AFTER the wedding. 2) A wedding is not a fundraiser. Top billing rights do not go out to those who contributed the most (aka, the brides parents ALWAYS have the right to issue the invitations, regardless as to whether they are paying for everything or nothing). Having a Honeymoon Fund "in lieu of gifts" is inappropriate, as are any mention of gifts on the invitations. 3) I wish more people would avoid hosting a party they cannot afford. This translates to basically meaning that you should not pass the responsibility onto your guests to furnish the exorbitant wedding you want, but are unable to afford. Operating under this principle, people would not have a cash bar, or require all their guests to go potluck and bring a side dish, or require that each guest "pay for their plate." More people would be better off hosting a reception during a non-meal time, or simply having a cake and punch reception, than any of the above options. The basic precept is this: Hosts host their guests. Guests do not host themselves. -- As a sidenote, I do have one thing to add that is not a "misconception" per se, but a hope for all engaged couples: I hope they spend less time and effort planning their wedding (which is over in one day) and instead devote more time and effort into preparing for marriage.

I'd like to see the bride be able to wear some other color than white. And not have to feel that people are thinking...uh-oh, you mean she is not a virgin? Especially her family. Who probably all know she is definitely not a virgin.

I'd like for the misconceptions about cash bars to be cleared up. Here's what's going on: In MANY communities across the country, it is perfectly acceptable and even expected that you will have a cash bar. The people who write wedding etiquette books do not come from those communities. They come from communities where it is considered rude to have a cash bar. Therefore, they write columns about how it is hopelessly tacky to have a cash bar. Then the rest of us, who have grown up with cash bars being the norm, start to get nervous that we are being inappropriate. Some of the fanciest weddings I've been to had cash bars. Did we mind? Of course not! We had been given a sumptuous meal at a fancy estate! I would much rather know that the hosts had spent money on food and atmosphere that EVERYONE can enjoy, rather than skimping on the food so that they could afford to have wine flowing all night long for the people who choose to drink. YES, it is true that you wouldn't charge your guests an entrance fee to your wedding. YES it is true that you wouldn't make them pay for their meal. But alcohol? I don't know when alcohol became mandatory in our society. Providing guests with the ABILITY to purchase a drink doesn't mean that you are "inviting them to a party and then forcing them to fork over cash" (as I have so often read people remark). Rather, you are providing them with a wonderful evening of dining and dancing, with the option of having a drink if they want it. I also take offense at those who say if you don't want to pay for an open bar, you should just have a dry wedding. Who would honestly rather go to a wedding where they aren't allowed to drink at all rather than a wedding where there are drinks available for a couple bucks? The decision to drink alcohol is a personal choice. I don't have any moral reasons for not having alcohol at my wedding, but I also don't have see any reason that alcohol should be provided in an open bar fashion. You don't have unlimited food at your wedding -- you pay for enough food for everyone to have a lovely meal -- why should you give your guests an unlimited amount of alcohol?

It's NOT the bride's day. It is her wedding. As a bridesmaid many times I have seen this belief just get out of hand. It's her wedding but the hair, feet, skin (I was asked to get a spray tan), wallet are all mine. The bride can't have whatever she wants at the expense of the guests, friends and family.

I'd like to correct the misconception that the wedding gift has to cover the cost of dinner. The wedding gift is to congratulate the couple and help them get their life started together, not to cover the cost of your plate at dinner. Why do couples who aren't getting help from their parents or can't afford to throw as nice of a wedding deserve less of a congratulations than couples whose parents may be throwing them a lavish wedding? Why should guests who would never be able to afford a fancy dinner or wedding themselves have to pay more to attend a fancy wedding when they're not the ones who chose the venue? It just doesn't make any sense.

I'm one of those people who says do whatever makes you happy. I agree that the "my day" perspective of brides is a bit annoying. It's not all about you the bride it's about the couple. If your groom doesn't show up then there is no wedding so let's not say it's "my day" anymore. (Although I love watching bridezillas! haha) The other thing I don't get is the cash bar and/or money issue in general. I just think a couple should do what they want. If they want to invite 500 people and "only" provide them dinner and fully fund their alcohol consumption then there is nothing wrong with that. Why only invite 50 people and pay for absolutely everything. Alcohol isn't necessary anyways. Plus you will be upsetting people either way. Either they are not invited because you can't afford to give them a platinum wedding experience and they are offended or they are invited and you couldn't pay for their drinking habits so the are offended. Your real friends and family generally know your social and economic standing so they should be happy to celebrate with you without judging. Also there is the issue of a money dance or asking for monetary gifts. I do think it's rude to ask for gifts in general in an invite but I think if you have a wedding website you can write something tasteful like "Your presence at our wedding is the best gift of all but for those who have inquired about a gift, we have created a small registry at ___ or alternatively we are building a nest egg for a home/future etc." As for the money dance it's definitely a cultural thing. If I don't have one my hispanic members will be upset and just start to do it anyways like they have at my other cousins weddings. Don't know how to solve that?! hahah

That it cost's at least 10,000 to have a fancy, formal wedding.

i hate it when girls call it "my wedding" its "our wedding" i hate it that registry info is considered tacky in the invite . i hate that everyone has and opinion on your day and how it should look

I have no idea why Stumbling_Llama got two thumbs down ... the point is very well taken and he/she is right. Anyway, it doesn't really sound to me like you're talking about misconceptions, you're just talking about opinions on what should/shouldn't be done, what's right/wrong, what's proper and what isn't. You mentioned etiquette but didn't provide an example. I would have been interested in seeing an example of your take on that because I'm big on etiquette, and frankly, many, many people do things now days just because they're ego-maniacs; that's what they want and they don't care about inconvenience to their guests, or whether the request/idea/situation is just plan old tacky and inappropriate! As an example, I've seen people post bratty questions/comments like, "Should I be angry at my in-laws? They won't come to my wedding in Hawaii from Australia ..." blah, blah, blah. Really? My point is stop crying unless you're paying their way. Their finances are none of your business. Another example: people who think it's okay to have cash bars at weddings. If you really think about it, it's just that they're trying to do something they can't afford, so they think it's okay to pass the cost on to their guests, but only in a wedding situation. Oh, so nevermind that it's like inviting someone to a party at your house and saying, "Yo, Pete ... before you drink that beer man, I'm gonna need four bucks." That's TACKY! Let's not even mention the silly, "How can I get people to sponsor (read: someone to donate/pay for) my wedding?" Give me a break. I think other harmless things that are truly misconceptions are: 1. Who is invited - sometimes people don't know how to invite the guests and are confused about how to handle too many or the wrong guests as a result 2. How to wear the bridal set - there are old rules and "standards", but there is no set rule that says the eternity band should go closest to the heart. People should wear it how they like 3. That silk or otherwise fake flowers look nice (lol ... couldn't resist. Sorry, ladies, they just look CHEAP!) Oh, I could go on but this is getting long enough.I think I've answered your question. *EDIT*: Asking people to pay for ANYTHING at your party is tacky, including paying for alcohol, regardless of the community. If people the bride and groom associate with expect to pay it based on their experience, that's fine - they can do what they want. It doesn't make it any less grimy. Frankly, I'm not from a "community" that thinks that asking someone to shell out money at your wedding is acceptable which is why I have the opinion I do, and unfortunately, some might not agree with me. Oh, well!