How do i start charcoal?

What to do differently? How do I embrace a fresh start? (lengthy read)?

• I am getting ready to go away to college in a few days, however when people ask me "are you excited?" and things of that nature,.I respond with a "yes" but I am not truly "excited." This is not my first time going to school, as I attended another college two years ago (making dean's list) if I might add, but I left for other reasons. I initially left intending to join the service but that didn't fall through, and ultimately as a last resort to save time I enrolled in the local community college. That was all last year. Now at present, I am preparing to take another chance and go away to college a little closer to home, but I feel somewhat indifferent about it. Like it is the necessary thing for me to do versus wanting to go. When I look back over my life schoolwise, I see a sort of pattern. I went to two different elementary schools, one middle school, and then right in the middle of my high school career I unexpectedly had to move just weeks prior to starting my junior year. This has resulted in me leaving behind classmates and other acquaintences behind and "always sort of starting over." While I have long since gotten over these things, realizing my past circumstances were not completely in my control, I have not held anything against my parents and I am grateful I was able to graduate high school and even have the opportunity to go to college (again). I truly am thankful, yet I realize that some things from the past have contributed to my personality and who I am at present. I was depressed, quiet, and somewhat of a loner in my school years to an extent, and coupled with the fact that in spite of having classmates to talk to or deal with, I never did really have any friends growing up. Me and my brother spent most of our childhood days together, and I had little social interaction with others my age. Resultantly, there were and still are in recent times when I felt like nobody likes me and that I should just give up on life, (not suicide or anything crazy) but just wanting to stop existing and disappear off the face of the earth. Others around me would see my countenance and how I appear and avoid or judge me because I 'appear' angry, or cold or depressed, yet inside I was trying to be friendly and do good to others. So my quality of relationships has not been the greatest and it has caused me to be somewhat distant, and up until a few months ago I tried to isolate myself from people as much as possible. I learned that you cannot avoid people all your life or run from your problems so I took a chance and applied to this college, to try school one more time. I want to go in with the right attitude as I am grateful that I even have the chance to go to school, but for awhile, I had been down in the dumps and overehelmed. I have always been pretty mature for my age, and so I have also felt 'different' from my peers, as alot of them are into things I'm not; and the people I have been surrounded by have not really been my age, either much younger or much older (like 5-10 years). A complete stranger may think I'm boring as I don't really have alot of interests, I could be content just staying at home and watching a movie, or being by myself, but it has been difficult for me to relate to others because we don't have much in common. I don't want everyone to be like me or anything like that, but all the aforementioned things and so much more, have contributed to where I am currently in life. The only thing that has kept me going is my faith in God and believing that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. As I know he can deliever his children from all their troubles. I have hope and don't believe that things will be like this for the rest of my life, yet it has not been easy; especially when you have been broken down emotionally and your confidence has been almost completely destroyed. So I ask, what should I do to be sincerely 'excited or happy' for school again? I haven't really found my niche, or even know what I like to do for hobbies. I never got into sports and don't play any particularly well, and when I do play video games, even those I'm terrible at. It's no wonder I lack confidence, liveliness, and motivation when all these things have occured and happened, and I feel like I'm not good at anything. Nevertheless I still am standing, and hanging in there. But I just don't know what to do differently, or if it's just a phase in my life and I shouldn't do anything but ride it out? I believe this too shall pass, but how to embrace college and figure out what my interests are? I sincerely thank all of those who did take the time to read this. It was something I needed to get off my chest.

• Answer:

  Just reading your story right now sounds like my life. I feel so similar to you and don't even know you, I have a brother to and I always hang out with him. I'm only 15 and don't have much experience with this, but my advice would be just to start this new college and instead of feeling down, try to do things that make you happy and have a positive attitude, because no one likes a downer. And if you just be yourself and stay in a good mood, you will make friends and have a great future. Best of luck to you, hope all goes well