Why do my eyes burn when I'm on the computer?

Help im ruining my life?

• Im 19 (male), i was diagnosed with aspergers syndrome, i hardly ever leave home, the computer is my life, i feel a mixture of anger,fear,shame and humiliation. I feel like the lowest common denominator, Throughout secondary school i was bullied (verbally, psychologically), i stuck it out till and even into sixth form, but in the end i just collapsed and left, i now just live in my own little bubble (my home), i hate it i fear leaving home for bumping into ex peers (im surrounded by them) they have a hold over me. My future prospects look poor as of now, i feel like im waisting my youth Since childhood ive always been a loner, the computer is my only friend, its sad i know, i feel like im waisting my life and there is nothing i can do, physically i look in my mid 20s (because of excess computer use, late nights and just the loss of will power. my eye lids are drooping, my face is losing muscle tone, its depressing, i dont smoke, drink alcohol or take drugs, yet inadvertently ive aged myself about 10 years. Its sad been on the outside looking in, watching others moving on and developing their lives. It feels like im under pressure to keep up, im been left behind (about 5 years), i feel like awful. My communication/social skills are weak, i cannot even go to town and walk round feeling comfortable, i feel like a boy, emotionally, socially, i really am that backward (i have no common sense) i feel like a big dumb kid. i cannot even face my family because i feel ashamed of what ive become. Ive tried going to a gym, but i look in the mirror and wonder whats the point, My hair is receding (high forehead) my hair is thinning on top, my nose is large, my teeth are small, i have a creepy smile, my face is losing muscle, apart from my blue eyes, i just hate myself Im waisting my face (computer strain) and lack of regular sunlight, also my dad is a smoker (i cringe) up until 12 months a go he used to smoke regularly in the living room hate my arms (skinny, no muscle, no strength), i sometimes get the feeling im gay, Indirectly im causing profound health problems for myself, at one time (11-14) i used to travel around my home county on buses, since then ive been socially housebound (even during the summer months) i have no friends, i have no life, everything is deteriorating fast. My whole life is dominated by fear and stupidity I think with emotion rather than logic, im from an inner city area, therefore my background, makes it hard to be comfortable with who i maybe, I may be bi sexual, i just dont know, im like a child, in the mind everything declined when my mum died ( i was 9), My dad is 58, its difficult, im caught between, man and boy, i look like man, yet i have the body (and mind ) of a boy. I think im bi sexual, i find it hard to accept this, its probably a big part as to why i find it hard to go out. Its like an internal battle (which im losing), i need to leave home, but my circumstances cannot allow me to. Apart from sociology, my other gcse grades were not good, I applied for colleague, my teacher at school said i could do well with correct support and supervision i dont know if i want try again on an academic route or a practical route. I guess i dont have the balls or the brains to pull myself out of this situation on my own.

• Answer:

  Stop thinking so negatively, you've put a long list of what's wrong with you, well there's things right with you too, people go through a lot worse than you, and still come out the other end. I understand you haven't had the best of lives so far, but you're 19 for gods sake and yes you are ruining your life. I was bullied when i was young too, most kids were, yes its awful but you have to be strong and beat them, you're just letting them win even now by still having low confidence. I'm sorry you lost your mum that must have been a massive blow, but she wouldn't want you living like this would she? There's nothing wrong with being bi-sexual either. I'm not sure if you'll take my advise and listen to me but you need help, you need to see a doctor, explain everything, he'll refer you to the correct people, you need to form friendships, only you can do that. If you have a hobby get out and share it, you like your computer? Do you like games? There's gaming communities and groups, people do share the same interests as you, and they will accept you. Your doctor may also have contacts with self help groups, there are groups dedicated to building people's self confidence and that's a great way to form friendships. The truth is, you need to get out of your house, be strong and get help, sitting on the internet posting will not help you get over this. I'd recommend you apply for a job too if you don't already have one...another way to make friends and experience life. Stop complaining and start living.