How can I open up to people?

How can I open up to people?

• I feel stupid for doing this, haha. I don't even really have a question. I'm not sure what I want advice on but WHATEVER I'm just going with it. SO I'm a sixteen-year-old girl. (Stop rolling your eyes.) I'm pretty sure I have some kind of intimacy issue. I've dated two guys in the past. Not that I'm complaining--they were perfectly nice, and I know I shouldn't be in a romantic rush at this age. The number of my relationships isn't the issue, it's how I've caused them to end! I used to have this thing with being touched. (Minds out of the gutters, people.) From around eleven to fifteen years old, I would finch a lot, be uncomfortable in hugs, and especially be super-awkward about hand-holding. At eleven, I had learned from my health class that a girl can feel an inevitable emotional attachment through brain chemistry with a guy in just a twenty-second hug, and for some reason the ease at which two people can be attached like that freaked me out, and I had no intention of falling subject to it. I feel over it now, because as my regular group of friends started to get all huggy and whatnot, I just kind of learned to deal with it. But I still don't like it. That coupled with my emotional detachment from anyone and everyone--it's a wonder I manage to even keep friends. I don't like putting myself out there in any way whatsoever when it comes to my emotions. I never blatantly told either of my boyfriends to his face that I liked him or that I missed him or that I thought he was attractive. It made me feel needy and codependent and clingy. I don't even tell my closest girlfriends, the girls I trust the most in the world, when I like someone or who I find attractive--which I explain to myself as fear of judgment, but who knows? So. I've identified these personal issues a while back. I sat down and reassessed the two relationships I've had, and asked myself why they didn't work out, and those were the two conclusions. I can't get close to people, especially romantically, because I feel vulnerable and I don't trust people enough to believe that they won't use my feelings against me or reject my "true self". ("True self" meaning the me I would be if I were open about my thoughts and feelings.) The first relationship of mine ended because the guy saw that I was incapable of revealing my "true self", and the second because when I was brave enough to slowly expose my "true self" (after like two months of warming up, mind you), he didn't like what he saw. I think that one hurt the most. Anyway. I need to overcome these issues to successfully have any kind of romantic connection with anyone, right? Because how could you possibly have a relationship that was 100% casual and friendly and indifferent? So I've taken the first step in recovery: identifying the problem. Got it (I think). What now.

• Answer:

  you're right. a therapist will really help you. and i think u kinda answered your own questions. you feel the need to protect yourself because you're uncomfortable with being exposed or vulnerable. maybe something happened in the past to make you feel this way? i only ask because i'm the same exact way and i was sexually abused when i was younger. you're building a wall around yourself to give yourself protection but instead you're locking yourself up. i'm sorry what happened with your last boyfriend. when you finally showed yourself to him he wouldn't accept that. he can go f*** himself. i'm sure there are plenty of guys interested in you're true self. but since you have that wall around you, they don't have the chance to really know you. a big part of relationships is taking risks. you can be hurt, or you can have this beautiful relationship with someone who truly cares about you. it's up to you if you want to take those risks. i hope i helped :)