Where Is Chuck Norris?

Chuck Norris - Interesting facts about the martial arts superstar!?

• 1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. 2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. 3. Chuck Norris does not hunt, because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing. 4. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. 5. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. 6. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. 7. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death. 8. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. 9. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there. 10. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. 11. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement. 12. President Bush DID have a sure fire plan to end the war in Iraq; However, Chuck Norris was busy that day. 13. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever. 14. Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris. 15. As a teen, Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later, the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated team in professional football history. 16. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured the mans blindness. Sadly, the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse kick delivered by Chuck Norris. 17. If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the hell down. 18. Chuck Norris' action figure has slept with more women then most men. 19. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. 20. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. 21. Oxygen requires Chuck Norris to live. 22. Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pyjamas. 23. Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this glitch, Norris replied, "That's no glitch," and proceeded to kill them with a devastating roundhouse kick. 24. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did. 25. Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made. 26. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress. 27. At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris. 28. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wise Man. He brought baby Jesus the gift of beard. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wise men, jealous of Jesus obvious gift favouritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after, all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths. 29. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you. 30. After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more humane. 31. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling Bang! 32. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually Chuck Norris more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris robot in disguise. It starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing deceptions; and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided. 33. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, two seconds till. After you ask, two seconds till what? He roundhouse kicks you in the face. 34. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris. 35. Chuck Norris can win a gam

• Answer:

  chuck norris once pissed in someones gas tank. today that car is called optimus prime when chuck norris does push up he doesn't push him self up he pushes the earth down. chuck norris tried to make tolilet paper but it wouldn't take sh!t from no one. Chuck Norris doesn't listen to music, music listens to him Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas Everybody loves Raymond. Except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.