Two questions about online shopping?

Can somebody PLEASE answer these questions that HAUNT ME?!?!?

• Some old, some new.   All good questions..... QUESTIONS THAT HAUNT  ME!   If you have sex with  a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?   Can you cry under  water?   How important does a person  have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just  murdered?   Why do you have to 'put  your two cents in'... But it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that  extra penny going to? Once  you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for  eternity?   Why does a round pizza come in  a square box?   What disease did cured ham  actually have?   How is it that we put man on  the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on  luggage?   Why is it that people say they  'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?   If a deaf person has to go to  court, is it still called a hearing? Why are you IN a movie,  but you're ON TV?   Why  do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look  at things on the ground?   Why do doctors leave the  room while you change? They're going to  see you naked anyway...   Why is 'bra' singular and  'panties' plural?   Why do  toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which  no decent human being would eat?   If Jimmy cracks corn and no one  cares, why is there a stupid song about him? If the professor on Gilligan's  Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a  boat?   Why does  Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!   If Wile E. Coyote had enough  money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy  dinner?   If corn  oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby  oil made from?   If  electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from  morons?   Do the  Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same  tune?   Why did  you just try singing the two songs above?   Why do they call it an asteroid  when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your  butt?   Did you  ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you  take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?   Why, Why, Why   Why do we  press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?   Why do banks  charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough  money?   Why does  someone believe you when you  say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is  wet?   Why do they  use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?   Why doesn't Tarzan have a  beard?   Why does  Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at  him?   Why do  Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?   Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in  the word 'lisp'?   If people evolved from  apes, Why are there  still apes?   Why  is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always  white?   Is there  ever a day that mattresses Are not on sale?   Why do people constantly return  to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have  materialized?   Why do people keep running over a  string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up,  examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?   Why is it  that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?   How do those dead bugs get into  those enclosed light fixtures?   When we are in the supermarket and  someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do  we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That  really hurt, why don't you watch where you're going?'   Why is it that whenever you attempt  to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock  something else over?   In winter why do we try to keep  the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the  heat?   How come  you never hear father-in-law jokes?   And my  FAVORITE......... The statistics on  sanity is that one out of every four persons are suffering from some sort of  mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's  you. Hope this made whoever is reading this smile!

• Answer:

  I have answered the questions, which were considered unanswerable until now and suggested a new such question. I will have to post it in parts, as no other possibility is there. All rights preserved. Enjoy! Q: If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting? A: Only if she is under 40. After that it's considered a charity Q:Can you cry under water? A: Absolutely, but you can't wipe your tears. Q: How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? A: To Grim Reaper it's just an artificial dichotomy Q:Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... But it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to? A: Nowhere; Devaluation of property has more immediate and dramatic effect than that of thinking Q: Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? A. No. Most likely the majority wears there only a skin of their teeth Q. Why does a round pizza come in a square box? A: It prevents a box from rolling down the hallway. Q:What disease did cured ham actually have? A: Only those usual childhood diseases Q: How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? A: Because then we realized that travel became significantly longer Q:Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours? A: Because only people who don't have babies have time to invent metaphores Q: If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?A: It should have been called "a seeing",but since justice is blind, they left it as is : Why are you IN a movie but you're ON TV? A: Because you can put your beer and pizza ON a TV set Q: Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? A: Because it would cost more to go to all those numerous actual places on the ground. Q: Why do doctors leave the room while you change?They're going to see you naked anyway... A: Doctors are humans too. They need time to get emotionally prepared Q: Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural? A: Because buttoks are actually separated in 2 by a hole Q: Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? A: Because toasters are later being recycled for use in Hell Q: If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him? A: Because when one drinks as much as Jimmy,composing even a stupid song is a miracle