If u like it, then star it, have a good laugh?

• Santa: I have swallowed a key. Doctor: When? Santa: 3 months back! Doctor: What were you doing till now? Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too. ********* A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell. Santa doesn't turns up for 4 days. Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out. ********* Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatoes 5 days ago, he hasn't come back yet! Santa: Why don't u cook something else? *********** Santa opened a petrol pump, but not even one customer went there. You know why? Because he opened petrol pump on second floor.. *********** Ultimate answer while changing the job. Interviewer: Why did you change your last job? Santa: Because the company shifted and didn't tell me where. ************ Santa's wife dies. He is calm, but his wife's lover is crying furiously... Finally, Santa consoles him: Don't worry buddy, I will marry again. ************ Why did Santa keep the door open while bathing? Because he was afraid that someone might watch him from the key hole. ************** Sardar wanted to make a STD. call to Punjab, He wanted to save money so what did he do? Simple, he went to Punjab and made a local call. ======================================… Oye paaji, apni pregnant wife ko itne dard mein hospital ki jagah pizza hut kyun leja raha hai........ Sardarji: Kyun key pizza hut mein 'Delivery Free' hai. ======================================… A Sardar enters shop shouts, Where is my free gift with this oil? Shopkeeper: Iske Saath koi gift nahin hai bhai saab ** ? ?o Sardar : Oye ispe likha hai CHOLESTROL FREE. ======================================… One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this village? Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!! ======================================… Teacher: A for? Sardar: Apple Teacher: Jor se bolo? Sardar: Jay mata di. ======================================… American says: ' US mein shaadi E-mail se hoti hai..' Sardarji says: ' India me to.. shaadi Fe-mail se hoti hai...!!!' ======================================… Sardar orders pizza. Waiter: Sir shud i cut it into 4 pieces or into 8 pieces? Sardar: 4 hi karde 8 khaye nahi jayenge ======================================… Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call. Santa: Who r u? Girl: Seeta here. Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya ======================================… Banta: Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho? Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag gaya tha, har baar lagta hai jaise usko vapas karne aya hai. ======================================… Pathan sitting on the top of the mountain and studying. When a person asked what he was doing? He replied, Oye! Higher studies yaar. ======================================… 2 sardars were fighting after exam. Sir: Y r u fighting? 1st Sardar: This fool left the answer sheet blank, Sir: So what? 1st Sardar: Even i did the same thing, now teacher will think that we both copied. ======================================… A sardar learning english introduces his family in the party: Hi! I am sardar, this is my sardarni, he is my kid, & she is my kidney. ======================================… Sardar 1: I'm very kanjoos, I went 2 honeymoon alone & saved 1/2 money. Sardar 2: You r nothing I saved all my money, my friend was going & I sent my wife with him. ONE FINE DAY A GIRL PROPOSED TO A SARDAR AND SARDAR DENIED > >> > SIMPLY SAYING THAT IN OUR FAMILY, > >> > WE MARRY ONLY OUR RELATIVES.. > >> > MY MOM MARRIED MY DAD, > >> > MY BROTHER MARRIED MY BHABHI , > >> > MY UNCLE MARRIED MY AUNT AND SO ON. > >> > SO PLEASE EXCUSE ME !!!!! > >> > > >> > > >>*=====*=====*=====*=====*=====*=====*=… > >> > "Help.... the Titanic is going to be drowned...." > >> > Everybody in the ship is shouting, crying, running or > >>praying to > >> >God... > >> > Just then a Italian asks the nearby Sardarji in the ship. > >> > Italian : How far is land, from here ? > >> > Sardarji : Two miles > >> > Italian : Only two miles, Then why are these fools making > >>noise. > >> > I have got the experience of swimming even more. > >> > The Italian jumps off the ship into the sea and comes up > >> > to the layer to ask something again. > >> > Italian : Just tell me which side, is land two miles from > >>here ? > >> > Sardarji : Downwards... !! > >> > > >> > > >>*=====*=====*=====*=====*=====*=====*=… > >> > Sardarjee to Sunita: "I want to marry you" > >> > Sunita: "But I am one year elder to you." > >> > Sardarjee: "No Problem, then I will marry you next year." > >> > > >> > > >>*=====*=====*=====*=====*=====*=====*=… > >> > Q:) Why does sardarji brings binoculars in his own > >>marriage? > >> > A:) To see his far relatives. > >> > > >>*=====*=====*=====*=====*=====*=====*=… > >> > Two Sardars went into a pub and after ordering two > >> > beers took some sandwiches out of their pockets and started > >>to eat > >> >them. > >> > "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here," complained the > >>pub-owner. > >> > So the two sardars swapped (exchanged) their sandwiches. > >> > > >>*=====*=====*=====*=====*=====*=====*=… > >> > Once upon a time, a Sardarji saw a boy who wore his cap in > >>the back > >> >direction. > >> > This event really harrased the social nature of sardarji > >>and > >> > then he also decided to wear his pagari in the backward > >>direction > >> > While he was on his way to his office another Sardar saw him > >>and asked > >> > "Sardarji aa rahe ho ke jaa rahe ho" > >> > > >> > > >>*=====*=====*=====*=====*=====*=====*=… > >> > A sardar was very fond of sensational and detective novels, > >> > but he always started reading from the middle. > >> > A friend of his asked why he did so?" > >> > It'z doubly interesting", said the Sardar. "TO start from > >>the > >> > middle keeps one curious not only about its conclusion but > >>also about > >> >its beginning > >> > > >> > > >>*=====*=====*=====*=====*=====*=====*=… > >> > Once a Sardarji was going to his office. > >> > On the way he slipped on a banana peel and was badly hurt. > >> > Next day , on his way to the office, he noticed a banana > >>peel > >> > and Later after two days, he noticed two banana peels and > >> > exclaimed" ari sala, aaj to choice hai"!!!!!! > >> > > >>*=====*=====*=====*=====*=====*=====*=… > >> > A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly > >>gate > >> > Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to > >>the advances > >> >in education > >> > on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective > >>heavenly soul > >> >must answer > >> > two questions: > >> > 1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T". > >> > 2. How many seconds are there in a year? > >> > The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered... > >> > 1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today > >>and > >> >Tomorrow. > >> > 2. There are 12 seconds in a year. > >> > Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even > >>though > >> >it's not > >> > the answer I expected, so your answer is correct. But how > >>did you get > >> >only > >> > 12 seconds in a year?" > >> > The Sardar replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March > >>2nd, > >> >etc...." > >> > Saint Peter lets him in without another word > >> > > >> > > >> > >*======*======*======*=======*======*==… > >> > > >> > Miss Call Pjjjjjj : > >> > > >> > Once Banta Singh and Santa Singh got tired with the mobile > >> >communication > >> > and decided to use the conventional method of communication > >> > > >> > > >> > That is to use pigeons to send messages. > >> > > >> > One day Santa sends his pigeon. When the pigeon reaches to > >>Banta it > >> >is > >> > without the message. > >> > > >> > Banta picked his mobile and asked Santa what is this joke? > >>The pigeon > >> >is > >> > without the message. > >> > > >> > Then Santa said, "abe khote this was a missed call." > >> > > > > >> > > > > Sardarji is buying a TV. >> > > > > >> > > > > "Do you have colour TVs?" >> > > > > >> > > > > "Sure." >> > > > > >> > > > > "Give me a green one, please." >> > > > > >> > > > > * * * * * >> > > > > >> > > > > Sardarji calls Air India. >> > > > > >> > > > > "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?" >> > > > > >> > > > > "Just a sec," says the rep. >> > > > > >> > > > > "Thank you." says the Sardar and hangs up. >> > > > > >> > > > > * * * * * >> > > > > >> > > > > Sardarji is filling up a job application. >> > > > > >> > > > > He promptly fills in the lines on NAME, AGE, >> > > > > >> > > > > ADDRESS, etc. >> > > > > >> > > > > Then came the column SALARY EXPECTED. >> > > > > >> > > > > After much thought he writes: Yes. >> > > > > >> > > > > * * * * * >> > > > > >> > > > > Sardarji proposes to a woman. >> > > > > >> > > > > She says yes, if you bring me a pair of crocodile >> > > > > boots. >> > > > > >> > > > > He sets off to Africa and disappears. >> > > > > >> > > > > Finally they find him hunting crocodiles >> > > > > >> > > > > and watch him killing a huge one. >> > > > > >> > > > > He walks over the reptile, checks its legs, angrily >> > > > > exclaims: >> > > > > >> > > > > "71st and *again* barefoot!" >> > > > > >> > > > > * * * * * >> > > > > >> > > > > Sardarji goes into a store and sees a shiny object. >> > > > > >> > > > > He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?" >> > > > > >> > > > > The clerk replies, "That is a Thermos flask." >> > > > > >> > > > > The Sardar asks, "What does it do?" >> > > > > >> > > > > The clerk responds, "Keeps hot things hot and cold >> > > > > things cold." >> > > > > >> > > > > The Sardar says, "I'll take it!" >> > > > > >> > > > > The next day, he walks into work with his new Thermos. >> > > > > >> > > > > His Sardar boss sees him and asks, >> > > > > >> > > > > "What is that shiny object with you?" >> > > > > >> > > > > He said, "It's a Thermos flask." >> > > > > >> > > > > The boss asks, "What does it do?" >> > > > > >> > > > > He replies, "Keeps hot things hot and cold things >> > > > > cold." >> > > > > >> > > > > The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?" >> > > > > >> > > > > The Sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke." >> > > > > >> > > > > * * * * * >> > > > > >> > > > > Sardarji fixed an answering machine at home. >> > > > > >> > > > > Two days later he disconnected it because >> > > > > >> > > > > he was getting complaints like >> > > > > >> > > > > "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai." >> > > > > >> > > > > * * * * * >> > > > > >> > > > > What does Sardarji do after taking photocopies? >> > > > > >> > > > > He compares it with the original for spelling >> > > > > mistakes. >> > > > > >> > > > > * * * * * >> > > > > >> > > > > What does Sardarji do when he has one white >> > > > > >> > > > > sheet and wants an extra sheet? >> > > > > >> > > > > He makes a photocopy of the white sheet. >> > > > > >> > > > > * * * * * >> > > > > >> > > > > There was a meeting of all the Surd freedom fighters. >> > > > > >> > > > > They were planning for a free Punjab. >> > > > > >> > > > > Santa Singh raised a point, >> > > > > >> > > > > "Oh...we'll take Punjab from India but how would we >> > > > > develop it?" >> > > > > >> > > > > That was a tough one indeed. >> > > > > >> > > > > Banta Singh had a brainwave... >> > > > > >> > > > > "No problem! We'll attack Amrika, it would take over >> > > > > us and then >> > > > > >> > > > > we would become a State of USA and develop >> > > > > automatically." >> > > > > >> > > > > All the surds became happy with this very >> > > > > >> > > > > simple solution but an old surd was not. >> > > > > >> > > > > Someone asked him why he wasn't happy. >> > > > > >> > > > > The old surd replied, "THAT'S ALL VERY WELL... >> > > > > >> > > > > WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE WE TOOK OVER AMRIKA???" >> > > > > >> > > > > * * * * * >> > > > > >> > > > > Sardarji went to the appliance store sale and found a >> > > > > bargain. >> > > > > >> > > > > "I would like to buy this small TV," he told the >> > > > > salesman. >> > > > > >> > > > > "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied. >> > > > > >> > > > > He hurried home removed his turban and changed >> > > > > >> > > > > his hair style, and returned to tell the salesman >> > > > > >> > > > > "I would like to buy this TV." >> > > > > >> > > > > "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied. >> > > > > >> > > > > "Damn, he recognised me," he thought. >> > > > > >> > > > > He went for a complete disguise this time, >> > > > > >> > > > > haircut, new hair colour, new outfit, big sunglasses, >> > > > > >> > > > > waited a few days, saw the salesman again. >> > > > > >> > > > > "I would like to buy this TV." >> > > > > >> > > > > "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied. >> > > > > >> > > > > Frustrated, he exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a >> > > > > Sardar?" >> > > > > >> > > > > "Because that's a microwave," he replied.

• Answer:

  not to be rude but those were absolutely not funny. I didn't even understand half of them. seriously. oh and some of them are original blonde jokes, whos a sardar? my gawd