How to make Query read only?

How do I make myself sick? I just need help? Please read?

• This could be long to write but I'll try. I'm a 13 year old girl and I absolutely hate my life. Please don't tell me how there's worse people out there because you don't understand how I feel. I am extremely shy, I can't even talk to my family. It is my little cousin's 5th birthday tomorrow, my whole family (around 30+ people) will be there too. All of my cousins are about 9 and 10 years old, they're all so loud and crazy little girls who play together. Because I am the only old one there who just doesn't talk AT ALL they just ignore me and go play together. My sister doesn't live with us anymore as she moved out a few years ago so it's just me. I end up standing around with my parents and all the adults. I don't talk there either. I see the adults just looking at me, almost an evil look, and it just makes me feel so awkward and upset. I get my touch screen phone out and use that, that's all I ever do. I don't even look up, I just use it for the whole time. The only conversation is when someone asks me one simple question, e.g "how are you?" and I answer with "I'm ok" or "alright" and that's it. I've tried playing with my cousins and seeing what they do but they stop and plan another game then all walk off, so I followed them and they keep playing or all split up and go in different rooms doing something else which means I'm just left alone. I go back to my parents and the adults to see one of my cousins talking to them so confidently. I stand there like a lemon, honestly. I always pretend that I need to do my laces or start coughing a lot which just makes me look stupid. I know that the adults don't want me there but I have nothing to do. I tell my mum that I feel sick or tired and she gets annoyed, she says that I always do this, yes I do, but it's the truth. I've tried pretending to be sick before to get out of these parties but my mum never believes me, she knows that it's because of the family and she doesn't care. I think that the only thing I could do is to actually be sick and then I wouldn't have to go. No I don't have an eating disorder, though I am quite thin, and I haven't been sick in around 3 years or even more. If being sick did cause anorexia I wouldn't care, in fact it might make people actually care/notice me. Just thinking about going makes me want to cry, I've been to so many of these before and I get so upset. Because of being this shy, believe me I've never heard of anyone as shy as me (there's a lot that I haven't explained) I just want to kill myself. I've thought about suicide a few times but I've never tried anything like it. My family just make me want to cry, my parents usually make me feel down saying how I don't talk or that I will be lonely. My cousins have also said how shy I am and it just makes me want to cry even more. I don't even know what to do with my life anymore, I honestly don't want to live and I haven't for many years. All I ever do is sit alone in my room on the laptop for the whole day, I only go downstairs to eat. If you don't want to read all of that you can read this: Basically, I want to make myself sick so I don't need to go to a family party tomorrow. My parents will not believe me if I tell them that I feel sick as they will still make me go. I am extremely shy and do not talk to anyone as no-one talks to me. I cannot start a conversation at all, I always worry that people will ignore me or laugh at me. I have no self confidence at all. I need to make myself sick without sticking my finger down my throat. I really need some advice or help right now. Please tell me a way to make myself sick. I've never done it before and I know that it's a stupid thing but it's the only option I have. The party starts at 1pm and I'll most likely be there until around 7pm. Don't tell me that I need to be confident because I've been like this my whole life and I can't change at all. Thank you so much for even reading this, it actually means a lot to me right now.

• Answer:

  The only way to change your life is to change yourself. Everyone and every thing can change, so don't make excuses that you can't. You can. You need to stop hiding and face up to what is, basically, a fact of life. You need to be social to some extent. You need to interact with other people because life, as you're finding out, can be very difficult if you don't. Don't back away from it. Go to the party, smile at people, ask them how they are. Answer their questions with more than just one word. Don't just sit in a corner and sulk, because that makes you someone that other people don't want to be around. Just go and you might even enjoy yourself.