When will my EMS package get from Beijing to Los Angeles? (see details)?

It will never reach Los Angeles, your package has been impounded by Beijing customs. Chinese customs often impound packages for clients as yourself that contain illegal drugs, pornography, weapons, weapons grade plutonium and other illegal substances or items. I suggest that read up on internationial and local Chinese laws and only order goods that are only legal.

If it's been impounded it won't arrive. The contents of your package must break Chinese law in some respect.

Human trafficking is an internationally recognized illegal action regardless of how many countries you attempt route your package through you it will never arrive to you. You should abandon your hopes of a Real Chinese woman that was stolen (kidnapped/bought) from the destitute families in western China arriving to you for your enslavement purposes. Hopefully the "Returned to Beijing for insufficient postage" was actually US ICE agents intercepting your future slave and rescuing her from a life of abuse by your hands. Once they determine you were the one that this impossible shipping route ended with they will come to your door with the full force of the United States government and democracy will imprison you for many years to come. Then you will be doing your troll posting from new home a prison.

It will arrive in Los Angeles if you have guanxi with them or just give them the red envelope filled with money. I get these message too all the time. I tried to mail some eggs to US once, but it didn't arrive there, and instead it was impounded in Beijing, all the eggs had already hatched and turned to chickens and still haven't yet delivered to US. Chinese customs are always like this, they will impound your items and will not release them unless you bribe them with money.

I think the PRC customs officials are now getting their jollies with your inflatable worldwide flight attendant girlfriend. You'd better order another one.

This is a normal routing for pattern for nuclear warhead components being smuggled out of the PRC. I see that the payment has been made by your agent in Honolulu, and returned to your contacts in Beijing. You can expect an international money transfer from Nigeria to be credited to your LA bank account in a few days, so keep an eye out for your email notification. Congratulations!

The package must have had an indecipherable address on it. In all likelihood, your shipper in China had trouble spelling "LA".