Are there swimming lessons for older people?

Lap swimming etiquette?

• I have been attempting to get in an uninterrupted lap swim workout at my local YMCA. Yesterday I was about ready to blow a gasket! I started swimming in an empty lane, 200 meters into an intended mile-long swim, I had peripheral vision after my flip turn that an elderly very overweight woman was standing on the deck, screaming "hi!" at me. I kept swimming; why should I stop MY workout to discuss anything with anyone unless it's an emergency. If you're going to share the lane alright so haul it in here and get your *** swimming. Fine,then 100 more yards in, I'm ready to do my flip turn and this whale is standing at the wall, blocking my flip. WTF? What the F'ing F? I gave it to her and the lifeguard. First off, it's like standing on my treadmill when you hug the wall and interrupt my swim; second, I don't mind sharing a lane but you better be swimming and you better be a fast swimmer if you are in a lap lane with me. If you are a slow swimmer (and you know who you are), get in a lane with another slow swimmer or another person with their water weights or noodles or whatever it is you are using to propel yourself forward. If you are not swimming laps then get in the part of the pool which is intended for folks like you; these people are walking around and randomly stopping/resting. I swim laps, that is why there are lanes designated in pools. These lanes are not for you if you fit into any of these categories: going up and down in the water at the end of the pool with water weights, doggie paddling and stopping randomly in the lane when you can touch the bottom with your feet, more wall time than swimming time: if you are hanging on the wall longer than you are swimming, get out; also, this is not the correct area for you if you are not swimming any recognizeable stoke and you can barely make it to the end of the lane. You know who you are; take swimming lessons to learn how to get to the wall; you make me worried that you aren't going to make it across. Does this sound reasonable or how do you work this out?

• Answer:

  First of all, I think you need to chill. You're suffering from "big fish in little pond" syndrome. Swimming a mile is not a big deal, so you need to get over yourself. Stopping for 15 seconds to acknowledge the presence of another person -- even one you dismiss as overweight -- is the polite thing to do. It's possible that she thought she was going to teach you a lesson for ignoring her earlier. Or it could be that she simply doesn't understand your needs. Refusing to talk to her fails in both cases. I suggest you find a Masters Swimming group and swim with them. Swimming continuous laps will be second nature to them. Check here for some hints: http://www.usms.org/placswim/ If you can't find a Masters Swimming group to swim with, you're going to need to try some different strategies. If the pool isn't very busy, I'll nab a lane to myself and "swim sides" -- stay on one side of the lane rather than circle. That way it's obvious if someone wants to share the lane they know they can slip in and use the other side without stopping me and asking permission. They can also be very slow and it won't cramp my style. If I'm the second one to get into a lane, I'll often ask to switch to "sides" rather than circle if I predict that I'll be lapping them every 100 yards or so. Once you're set up with a lane with two people swimming sides, it can be a little intimidating for a third person to intrude and ask to switch to circle -- they'll be more likely to find another lane. This works to your advantage if you can pull it off. If the pool has more than 2 people per lane, you're pretty much at the mercy of the other swimmers. In very crowded conditions where all the other swimmers are significantly slower than me, I'll switch to kicking or skulling drills. You can still get in a pretty intense workout even if you aren't moving as fast. Oh - another thing: I don't care how large the person is, no one can "block your flip." Even the narrowest of swim lanes are over 5 feet wide, and are often 6 to 7 feet wide. As you swim into the wall, be decisive. Decide if you are going to target left, right, or center, then commit. Bring your feet over easy in the event you make contact with a body part so you can shift over to the wall before you push off. I admit that I've done this with people who should know better, yet flounder around on the wall. They'll get the picture pretty quick that you are there to swim. If you are careful not to hurt anyone, I promise that they will respect your swimming the next time you meet at the wall. Another thing you could try is write a note on a 3x5 card (like "Timed workout in progress. Please do not disturb. Thanks!"), wet it down (so it won't fly away), then place it prominently on the deck above where you are swimming. I've never tried it, but people might honor it. On the other hand, I guess you could always continue on your current path and see how that works. Act entitled and snap at everyone that imposes on your personal space. Eventually everyone will give you a wide berth. It's your choice.