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War Is Peace?

• War Is Peace Oceania (commonly called the US and Britain) is at war with Afghanistan Iraq. Oceania has always been at war with Afghanistan Iraq. Eurasia (commonly called Russia, Pakistan, etc.) is allied with Oceania in war against Afghanistan. Eurasia has always been allied with Oceania. US Congressman Charlie Rangel has been arguing for a return of military conscription (“The Draft”) as—so he tells the public— a way of reducing war. It's not easy to capture someone killed the year before—until you harness the power of Ingsoc. When you've got Ingsoc on your side, though, it's so easy that the US did it again. Three cheers for Homeland Security drone patrols! In order to fight terrorism, we must cause it, says Donald Rumsfeld. It's okay that there were no “weapons of mass destruction” in Iraq; that's not why we went to war. It's equally okay that there are so many of them in Oceania. The Nobel prize committee has been considering nominating George Bush and Tony Blair for their prestigious Peace prize. Just like in 1984's Room 101, the Miniluv operations in Guantánamo Bay were authorized to “exploit[] a prisoner's phobias, sometimes using muzzled dogs in interrogations.” Doubleplusgood! According to the Bush administration, the Duelfer report which conclusively showed that there were no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq actually justifies the war in Iraq. “I just want you to know that, when we talk about war, we're really talking about peace.” — George W. Bush, 43rd President of the United States “Protecting [an] Islamic cultural center” involves fighting a war inside it, as the New York Times on the Web shows. Freedom Is Slavery The Anti-Terrorism Act ensures US citizens' freedom by ensuring the FBI's ability to examine their activities. Security cameras have been placed around the Columbia campus and around the island of Manhattan. If you are buying postage, do not ask for stamps without flags on them. Such would clearly be a sign of lack-of-patriotism, and we at SOS are glad to see that the Post Office is cracking down on it. We encourage all true citizens of this country to join Operation TIPS, which, we promise, will help further an Orwellian society in ways that we at SOS cannot even begin to fathom. There's really nothing we can say about DARPA's Total Information Awareness project except to thank them for all their hard work. While Victory Gin is not (as far as we know) yet available, the sale of freedom fries is an important first step; freedom fries and freedom toast are also now available in Congress. Also, check out Victory Beer, and W Ketchup The truly Orwellian and praiseworthy Transportation Safety Administration gets our thanks for spotting anti-Americanism in passengers' baggage. Flying while wearing certain buttons may not be permitted. It is, apparently, okay to wear a button saying, “Hooray for Tony Blair,” though. Similarly, carrying a note stating that you do not have a bomb in your bag is equivalent to saying that you do have a bomb. When flying, you may use the toilet. However, if it is occupied, do not wait in line for it to become free. Only a terrorist would do that. We've been notified that Apple Computer company, which once made public anti-Orwellianism pronouncements, is now coming around to our side. (Note: Link contains a quicktime movie.) The Junior Anti-Sex League is offering grants to organizations which support its work. In London, feel secure beneath the watchful eyes of Transport for London. We're pleased to see the subpoena of the National Lawyer's Guild and other anti-war activists. It's time to keep those activists in their place. In the UK, the wrongly convicted are charged for their “food and lodgings” while in prison. A student in Washington state was disciplined and questioned by the Secret Service for drawing ungood pictures of the President. On surveillance cameras: “The value we gain in public safety far outweighs any perception by the community that this is Big Brother who's watching.” — Ron Huberman, Executive Director, Chicago Office of Emergency Management Wearing a t-shirt which says “Protect Our Civil Liberties” is, of course, obscene, and will get you kicked out of Bush campaign rallies. George Orwell Plaza, in Barcelona, has continuous closed-circuit television recording. Ignorance Is Strength Osama bin Laden's messages will no longer be shown in Oceania. This will improve the strength of the bloc. There is no dissent in this country. Those who disagree with President Bush are merely confused. The New York Times published an excellent piece of doublethink in its magazine section on Sunday 18 November. It is bad that Al-Jazeera fails to take American positions seriously. It is good that American media doesn't take Arab positions seriously. And all this from an Arab-American scholar who President Bush the First once called “more anti-Arab than the Israelis.” Government agencies are requesting that certain government reports be removed from public libraries. An excellent indication that SOS is having influence at the highest levels! The Guardian reports that PR firms have begun creating false citizens to try and shift the debate on certain key issues. Big Brother is certainly pleased! Do not wear a “Give Peace a Chance” t-shirt at the mall, or carry a protest sign when passing through. It may be illegal. It's good to know that the recent pro-war rallies have been sponsored by Clear Channel—we wouldn't want people expressing their opinions without the help of media conglomerates! We're pleased to learn that the government has been removing information from websites which do not agree with the current administration's policies. For example, the CDC's website no longer points out that condoms are an effective means of stopping sexually transmitted diseases. Thanks, Time Magazine for removing articles from your website! Reading an article critical of the government is a serious form of thoughtcrime—and, fortunately, the FBI takes such things seriously! Do not email President Bush. Youths in Arabic-speaking countries are encouraged to read Hi Magazine. A recent study showed that thanks to Fox News and other Minitrue news sources, most Americans believe untrue things about the war in Iraq. We are proud to present a special report on a specific instance of doublethink in the New York Times. The FBI urges you not to carry almanacs, lest you be labeled a terrorist. The Civil War will not be taught in US History courses in Georgia. “Those who cast the votes decide nothing; those who count the votes decide everything.” — Stalin, a man truly ahead of his time. In the grandest pro-Orwellian tradition, science is (fortunately) no longer a tool for objective truth, but rather one to promote an agenda. Huzzah! The UC-Davis Aggie has published an excellent article on SOS. It's a good thing that the Department of Homeland Security has asked its employees to be on the lookout for good photo-ops for the President. It's okay for the government to lie, according to the General Accounting Office. Students who publicly and personally question the Vice President's wife are guilty of a crime. A teacher was arrested in Tampa, Florida because a bookmark she was carrying is a concealed weapon. Thank the Department of Homeland Security for not forgetting Poland but instead protecting us from dangerous 12-year-old Polish choir boys.

• Answer:

  You can't expect anyone to read all that garbage can you?