What is so great about marriage and divorce?

What is the Divorce Process in the State of Florida? After 4 year, Is my Marriage over?

• My husband and I dont see eye to eye anymore, and He always avoids talking problems out because he doesnt want to hear the "lecture". He doesnt want to see a marriage Counsler. He has no romance..Many times, Ive set candles up in the shower when he's coming home from work hoping he'll jump in (giving him sexy texts and hints) and he just avoids it or has an excuse. Never has he done anything Sexy or Set up things for me like that. Sex is Great, but its like there and done, no passion of foreplay or love making, its he's hard and im ******...WTF? Sex used to last 1.5-2 hrs, and now id be lucky if we get to 40 minutes...Our ONE YEAR marriage anniversary is coming up for god sakes and he cant even think of ideas to plan it. What do I do, I am tired of feeling like a ball of fire that has no help with even house chores. I know my marriage is ending, and I dont know what to do...Help me, We have been trying for the past year to have a baby and we cant. Why would I want a baby brought up in this relationship? I am tired of living my life like a Hermit. Everything he wants to do is something that has to do with a TV or Playstation. He spends more time watching TV, or Porn. I dont mind the porn, but now that our marriage is slowly ending and he is interested in that more than me, and will deny it, theres an issue. Theres a god damn strip club across the street if he wants a god damn real life whore! I'm the type that enjoys the beach, Dancing, watching Base Ball games, Just having a Blast of fun...Being with friends. I cant even get him to go to the gym and be supportive of me to encourage me to continue the gym for the sake of my health. I have a Thyroid problem and I cant maintain my Weight. I Love my husband, but I cant live a life where im pretending to be happy to the public. My friends even know that im really not happy... How do I talk things out with him, if he's not willing to listen to me.

• Answer:

  Ok, this is a lot... but let me try to sort some of it out with you. The first thing that came to mind is this: The only person you can change is you. Not him. Not anyone. Ever. And the easiest thing to change is your mind. In other words, your perspective and the attitudes you have about life and so on. The first think I'd change my mind about, if I were in your position, is all the expectations you are harboring. There's a saying in the counseling field: "Expectations are just pre-meditated disappointments." In other words, with all the expectations you have for your husband -- more than 40 minutes of sex, playfulness, being in the mood when you're in the mood, him understanding how you feel, etc. -- you are just setting yourself up to be disappointed in him. Did he play video games a lot before you got married? If yes, well, then you knew about it ahead of time and thought you could change him. That would be unfair of you to decide to try to do if true. If not, then something has happened to make him adopt some escapes from interacting with you. It might be that he's now starting to see you as unpleasable, or at the very least, unpredictably demanding. You may not actually feel like you're doing those things, but maybe he sees you that way, and his perspective DOES count, not just yours. It doesn't mean you can't try to find a happy medium that works for both of you though. But, yes, that will require some decent communication skills that it sounds like neither of you have yet. A couple's counselor could help, but both of you have to be willing to go. All in all, my assessment is that the two of you sound very young and inexperienced in having healthy, mutually beneficial relationships. There's an aura of selfishness that permeates everything you said, and it is coming from both of you. And I have some tough news for you: The "WOW!!!" factor of youthful, new romance naturally fades with time and to expect sex to stay rabid and all-consumingly passionate is unreasonable. If you don't like what each other is up to when you're not in bed... uh-oh. Counseling is definitely in order here. I feel that strongly. So, please, please, please, go back on your birth control. I agree that you should not be bringing a helpless, dependent little being into this situation. That would be highly irresponsible. Get that counseling. Fight for that instead of more sex. Make it your new "gotta' have" expectation. Then, if you don't get it and the marriage fails, you won't be surprised by the disappointment that will follow. I hope this helps and good luck to both of you, in whatever you decide you want from life -- either together or apart.