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How would you feel if your BF or husband doesn't care to remember what you do for work?

  • I had a big argument with my BF yesterday and it all relates to the fact that he still, after 3 years, doesn't care to remember what my correct job title is. He thinks my job title is the same as a lower level job that a high school student could get! What upsets me is that for 3 years now I have told him over and over that my job and the other job title are NOT the same jobs at all. That my job required me to get a college degree and a state license to practice and the other job requires NO education and no state license. To him it is not important. He thinks it is the whole potato po-ta-toe situation. Meaning he thinks the two job titles are similar enough that it doesn't matter what he tells people I do for work. The whole reason this became a huge fight yesterday was because he has let his family think that I have the lower level, uneducated job. And so randomly one of his family members sent him a job listing intended for ME, but in the lower level job (not my career field). And he was dumb enough to read it and still send the job listing to me when it said 3 times it was the lower level job! So I was extremely hurt and angry with him for again not knowing what I do for work and insulting me by sending me a low level job referral that has NOTHING to do with me! And he doesn't bother to tell his family what I correctly do for work. Let me give a quick business comparison to my job situation: It is like he is calling me and letting his entire family think that I am a secretary when I am really a high level executive. So it is highly offensive to me that after 3 years of dating and me telling him over and over the difference between my job and the other job he still calls me the low level job! And I am offended that his family and him think it is appropriate to randomly refer jobs to me! I have never asked him or his family for job search help. And my BF and I do NOT live together and do NOT share any of the same bills. We don't even share a cell phone plan. Everything I have and own is separate from him so he and his family have no business sending me unsolicited job referrals. Would you be offended if after years together your BF or GF didn't bother to correctly remember what you do for work and doesn't think you have the right to get upset when they send you unsolicited job listings for the wrong job? He thinks his family member is an innocent victim who was trying to do something nice for me by sending him a job for me (that was the wrong job). However I find it rude and strange that his family member thought they should help me find work! I have never ever complained to his family about needing more work or struggling to find work.

  • Answer:

    I could forgive his family, because they were probably just trying to be helpful. It is your thick-headed, slow learner, thoughtless bf you should be focusing on. I have been married for 25 years, and my wife and I are quite happy together. One big reason why our marriage is so successful is because, if something is important to HER, then I make sure it also becomes important to ME, and vice versa. You've given him 3 years. That's long enough to know he's not worth it. They Don't Like Me: "Be thankful that you have a loving boyfriend who isn't a cheat, abuser or user." If those are your only criteria for who is good enough to be in a relationship with, then your standards are so low that you're likely to end up with an unemployed, deadbeat, pot smoking, money wasting, lying loser. But that's cool, because you'll be able to tell yourself that you're "thankful that you have a loving boyfriend who isn't a cheat, abuser or user." PS - I can't remember what I wore two weeks ago either, nor what I ate for breakfast yesterday. But you can bet I sure do remember my wife's job title!

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She works hard for the money. So hard for it honey...

Steve-O in AZ

Sometimes career titles clash with company titles. I have two careers and both certainly do. So maybe that is part of the disconnect for your boyfriend? I mean in 7 + 1 paragraphs you didn't state your career title, actual title and what he calls you so we really can't say just where this thing is falling apart. I certainly get that you worked hard to earn a degree and for sure how hard it can be to obtain status in the work place and particularly for women. But to be this uptight just brings stress to the entire situation. I would also think that as an "executive" you can certainly find a way to "teach" your boyfriend and not "drill" your correct title. Now if it's a case of he don't give a care, then I think you have other decisions to make. Best wishes and hope you find a way to work this out.

Shea

I would not care if my husband could not remember what I do at my job. I can't even remember what I wore 2 weekends ago. If this is your only problem, you need to stop it and be thankful that you have a loving boyfriend who isn't a cheat, abuser or user. Some people are not as bright as others. Have you ever stopped to think that maybe your boyfriend is not that damn bright? Either love it or leave him. Edit - Not to be mean, but you sound annoying. I bet you grate the hell out of your BF's nerves. Edit @ Happy-2 - Why the fck are you talking to me? Of course those three things are not the only things I would expect for a mate...but who has the time to list all the other problems she could be having. Instead of you being in my got damn business, answer the lady's question. Not everybody can retain information and this is very petty to be angry for something so shallow.

They Don't Like Me!

WOW are you bitter. For the 5 years I spent in grad school, my parent's couldn't have told you what I was studying or what the title of my degree was. I think my husband could - well he could tell you the degree and fumble through an explanation of my work that had some truth to it.. For the three years that I have had my current position, my parent's could not accurately tell you my job title or what I do. My husband could tell you my title and a general overview of what I do. I am looking at possibly going for a new job - it would be a huge boost to my career, give me major credibility and authority in my field and could lead to some pretty spectacular career opportunities down the line ... my husband refers to it as being a 'hall monitor' and my parents have no idea what I'm talking about and, I think they have stopped trying. They may not understand or get it right but I know all of them are proud of me -- as am I, which is most important. And no, I would not be insulted if someone sent me a job posting for something that was "beneath me". It shows that person was thinking of me and wanting to help me further my career, even if they didn't get it right.

still twisty

No, not at all. Why? Because work is work and home is home. It's obvious he puts more importance on you, the person, and you put more importance on your title. Readjust. Reset. Learn what is really important in life.

DM

I could totally understand why you are upset!! My ex-husband's family use to come up with 'career' ideas for me, and I wasn't even looking...I was working for a small company doing the Accounts Rec. and Account Payables amongst other things but my ex made plenty enough of an income that it wasn't all that necessary for me to work. Btw, I'm also disabled and unable to work a full-time job but this did not stop them from trying to come up with career ideas for me! I'm actually an artist at heart and use to voluntarily teach Stained Glass at the local highschool. In doing so I was awarded a Community Award for my hard work and dedication! At this time we were now living in the US (we're from Canada) and I was not allowed to be gainfully employed while residing there, so I did volunteer jobs. Anyways, my ex was not even going to go to the award ceremony with me!! It wasn't until my good friend's and my neighbours said that they were going to go and support me that he decided he better go! I was VERY hurt by this, as I had ALWAYS supported him in his work and endeavours!! Heck, I even moved to the States for him to take his dream job!! As far as your BF's family members go...I wouldn't go too hard on them, as they are most likely only going by the information that they have gotten from your BF and I'm sure they only are well intentioned. You could send them an email thanking them for their job ideas, and then ever so nicely explain to them that they have been misguided as to your actual profession. Then you can tell them exactly what it is that you do, and how it differs so greatly from what your BF THINKS you do!! I can fully appreciate the difference between the two professions/jobs, and would be just as upset as you are!! I would also consider taking your BF out for dinner at a restaurant that would be more in line with the type of money a regular secretary would make...and then take him out to a restaurant that is more in line with the actual income you do make as an Executive!! Or you could just show him job ads that show the difference in qualifications and salary between the two jobs...that might be an eye opener for him!! Just depends on whether you want to do it a sweet way, or a very blunt way!! Best of Luck!!

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