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How To Get Your Husband Back?

How to get over an affair by your cheating husband, that has come back to haunt you?

  • My husband had a affair over 20 yrs. ago. Even though I could never get all the details and he didn't show the remorse that he should have, I eventually forgave him. We had been married 26 yrs. when the other woman's husband sent me the love letters he sent her on her birthday. I was in total shock at first, then I tried to find out the truth, or all that I could, as he kept lying. He knew I would leave him, thus the lies about the weekends. I almost took my life twice, but the thought of my children and grandchildren stopped me. He didn't learn from the affair to be a better person to me, even though I stayed. Now 25 yrs. later I regret my decision and wish that I had divorced him. I'm 68 now, wouldn't get married again, but it's still a big step to divorce. I don't feel love anymore, I think he killed it by not treating me nice after I stayed. We are back in counseling to save our 50 yr. marriage, but I don't know how to get the feelings back. I really need some advice, as I am so unhappy. Now he has decided to be nice and work on our marriage, I just don't know if it's to late. I also still have so many questions, as I still don't know what really happened? One being, did they have sex, he says they didn't, it was an emotional affair?

  • Answer:

    I was with my ex for seven years and he cheated on me after the first year. He continually cheated on me though. I didn't find out until the end of the third year. I still stayed and endured it even with him STILL cheating on me. If trust is broken then you will always have your doubts about him. If he were to come clean about everything that had happened I honestly don't know if it would fix things at this point. He has left you curious for twenty years now. Any respectful man who loves and cares about their wife should have come clean years ago. Whether he's in remorse or not, I'm sure it has been brought up a few times and that he could have had the opportunity to answer you. There's not too many men out there who would fully express their gratitude of their wife forgiving them for something like that (at least I have yet to hear of any). I don't know how your counseling is going or for how long it's been going but if you haven't found a way to rekindle the love in your marriage yet then why stay trapped in something that you're not happy with? Only you know the answers to what you should do. If this is just the beginning of an attempt to try to save your marriage then see how well it goes but if this counseling has been going on for years now then you need to decide when to call it quits. I never fully regained my feelings back for my ex. He did stop cheating on me right before the fifth year... but by then ... what we had was too broken to be fixed.

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Pray on it I mean pray n God will answer u

sunshine

just as sunshine said "pray to God". if you forgave him..then you forgave him! another person on yahoo answers asked a question like this accept there husband flirts with girls and still has afairs all the time and she struggles... you on the other hand..if he hasn't done anything else...let this go, pray every night that God will put your mind at piece. he made a mistake..guys feel bad, some don't show it but they do feel bad...but they generally don't show it because they don't want to bring it up all the time. they don't want to remember what they did, they don't want to relive the past every single day because it hurts the relationship! he loves you, more than anyone, i promise, just have faith, remember he is your best friend, he effed up,,,but its an eff up, you only do it once and never do it again! forgive and forget, I promise its the best thing you can do, its so hard but it will happen :) just pray! I hope this helps :)

Madison

you are never going to know the real truth, as men lie to avoid being confronted. its been 25 years and to be honest you maybe shouldn't have stayed with him. you don't get over it, your always going to be thinking about it. i would continue with the therapy.

jude

I wish I could give you a simple answer to this question, but there really isn't one. First I think you need some closure and it may come when you find out the truth details of what happened. That closure can only come if your husband is truly honest and if you yourself can accept the truth about what really happened. Secondly, I know that divorce is a big step, but if you find that after awhile , even with counseling you can't get back in love with him, then you need to move forward with your life. Also for you to forgive your husband he needs to understand that he should appreciate the fact that you stayed even after what he did. He also need to come to terms with the fact that he treated you badly instead of cherishing the fact that you didn't just leave him. He should be grateful you even decided to try counseling again. Thirdly, although he betrayed you, you loved him at one point or another, why? Find out what those feelings are by looking at old photographs and just trying to remember the first moments of your marriages. The wedding, the joy and the little things you did as newly weds. Once again if these memories bring no happiness or fondness then walk away it is never to late to be truly happy.

M

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