Why should gym be mandatory?

Why doesn't my husband like me going to the gym or having girl time to myself? He gets on my nerves?

• These past two months I've had to hide the fact that I go to the gym before or sometimes after work. I'll keep my workout gear in the car to hide it from him. I only do it because it's a great stress reliever to exercise and I like feeling fit and healthy but he doesn't like me going for some reason and I hate that I have to lie to him because of it. He was the first serious relationship I had ever been in, I met him a year after I finished college, and he is older than me by roughly twenty years (he is forty five this year, I'm twenty four). He has told me a few times he thinks the gym is for superficial people and that most women go there just to "look at" the toned men but that's not the reason why I go at all. I thought he would have at least been supportive and happy that I'm trying to still appear attractive to him, and it builds up my sense of self-worth only he cannot see it that way. He found out last night and accused me of going there just to flirt with the younger men that train there. I told him he is being ridiculous and that I do it for myself and my own confidence, not for anyone else. I hate that he is being funny about this. Why is he and what can I do about it? I told him if he's going to be that paranoid then he can come along with me and start going to the gym together and he said that's not the point. He gets angry about other things too, not just with the gym. Sometimes I like to go off and have girl time away from him one night on the weekend, like every other girl, yet he doesn't respect that. He always texts me asking which place I'm at, then turns up, and even then he won't even come over and say hi to me and give me a kiss, he'll just sit at the bar and watch me like he is expecting me to do something outrageous to offend him. It's annoying and rude. Don't get me wrong, I do love him and he is a wonderful man. He just gets on my nerves sometimes and sometimes, I know it's wrong to say or even think it, I wonder what it would be like if I really did something bad, like cheated on him and wonder what other men would be like as husbands.

• Answer:

  Well this one is easy. There is a 20 year gap between you two. He's 44 you're 24. He's thinking of all the men who are your age and young in your face and is scared sh*tless that you're going to see him as a father figure rather than a husband one day and leave him for a younger man. You need to confront him head on. If it were me, I'd sit him down and say something like "I believe this controlling aspect of you stems from fear of losing me to another man. I love YOU. I married YOU. If I wanted a younger man, I'd have found him and married him but I didn't. Your insecurity and fear is going to cause the very thing you're afraid of. I can't be with a controlling man no matter WHAT his age is. I don't care if he's 25 or 45, I will not be controlled like that. So, you either need to trust me or continue to erode our marriage to the point where I probably will get so sick of your control that I may walk away. I don't want this to happen because I love you but you have to trust me. Trust is essential in this marriage and without it, this marriage can crumble. I love you too much to sit by and let you do this to us. If you can't get this under control, let's get some marriage counseling." I think if you face him head on, he may GET it. God bless you honey.