How do you know when stitches are ready to come out?

Dont know how to make my marriage better. Advice?

• My husband and I are 30yrs old and have been married for four years. We have 3 kids from baby to preteen. We have an unhealthy marriage and the thing that I hate the most about it is the effect that it could potentially have on my children, but the facts are that there is also a huge negative effect when parents split as well. I love my husband and I really don't want to be told to just leave him. That isn't in the plans. I know that I have faults, I can be critical at times, picky, etc but a pretty typical woman if generalizing. My husband has had a rough upbringing and past unlike me and he has a lot of anger. He doesn't hit me just to be clear. He does other things that are just so exhausting to deal with. He's said that I'm worthless, but once he realized how it made me feel, he apologized. The fact that it ever came out still hurts but I am forgiving, it's just in my nature. He's also done things like tell me to get off of my "a$$" and out of the hospital 2 days after I had a c-section. I wasn't feeling well so I wanted to stay in the hospital for a few more hours but he wanted to run errands and I was keeping him from it, plus he said he could take care of me. Once I got home from the hospital (engorged and barely able to walk), he went to run to a relatives house to get something for me and left me with our toddler and our newborn. Within the first 30 mins, our toddler jumped on my stitches which was excruciatingly painful. That same day, my husband asked if his family should come down for the day from ten hours away driving to see the baby and I told him that I didn't feel well and asked if they could either come a week later or we could go to them once I was feeling better. The same went for any of my extended family once I was at home. The following day, my husband accused me of not liking his family for asking them not to come so soon and we had a fight. I don't remember everything that was said but I ended up going to a relatives home for a few days. Those are just a couple of examples but the fighting is almost everyday when we're not working and around each other. Has anyone dealt with this type of moodiness, anger and compulsiveness of the mouth? I really don't know what to do but leaving isn't the option. Books, counseling, programs? Another thing is that when I do point out how excessively angry he is getting, he blames me or whomever he is mad at for their faults causing the anger. I know that despite my mistakes, I don't deserve to be yelled at, etc and neither does anyone else. When he is really calm, he can admit that it is his anger, when he is not calm, he cannot say it. What's a woman to do?

• Answer:

  A woman decides how she wants to be treated and then teaches her husband what she expects. You have allowed very dysfunctional and inappropriate behavior toward you. You need a third party to work with you to establish boundaries and to determine respectful behavior for the two of you. He might have a borderline personality disorder, then again this is a one sided explanation. He might need medication for his anger. Your children are all a part of this.You can't keep fighting like this. It's not healthy.