Find solution
Should I get a Facebook?

(Long details) Is my wife over-reacting to me removing her on Facebook or did she get what she deserves?

  • My wife is a total pedant. She doesn't want me commenting on ANYTHING she posts and she doesn't want me posting on her wall. I told her that if she doesn't want me posting anything in her "personal space" then she should put privacy filters up so I can't see it. She refuses to and she just expects me to "behave myself". I'll violate her "rules of Facebook" by posting a remark on her stuff that's meant to be funny. She can't see the sense of humor in it and she calls it "passive-aggressive" because she sees it as "inappropriate" yet the teasing I do is the same teasing everyone else does online in our circle of friends. Yesterday, my wife posted a status shuffle about needing more coffee. It was meant as a joke to everyone reading it. I posted a comment "Typical Morning" as a way to poke fun that she always feels this way. Since she can't laugh at her flaws due to some incredibly low self esteem (that she's doing nothing for but whining) she raged. So I deleted the comment. Then I went to her wall and posted on her wall "OMG! I just posted something on your wall! lololololololololol". Then I commented on it saying "OMG! I just commented on the post that I put on your wall lolololololololololol" and then after I knew she saw it I deleted it when she told me it wasn't funny and got extremely angry. Finally I said "what's the point of having you on my friends list if I can't enjoy your company?" and I blocked her. I did NOT like the solution I made for this argument but if she was unwilling to put filters up and if she's unwilling to go to marriage counseling for HER issues (I'm in therapy so I'm working out mine already) then I think I made the only solution available. Personally I feel the entire thing is immature and just more ways she's trying to control me (this isn't the only thing she does to prove she's more important than me). Since I've blocked her, she's accusing me of not seeing her point of view. I see her point of view just fine, she's fragile because of her low self esteem and because she's fragile she expects me to follow these pedantic rules to give her a good public image on her Facebook wall so her friends can like her more and it will boost her image. But this is a childish way of looking at things, she shouldn't have artificial self esteem by bolstering it with Facebook and FAKE friends so I stood my ground because this is about the way SHE treats ME on the social network and rather than have retarded problems that didn't exist until Facebook and MySpace came around, I'd rather just end communications this way so she can have her Facebook and I can have mine. If you watched the Social Network movie, my wife's behavior is very similar to the Asian girl that Eduardo was dating while Mark was in California... After she got off work, she gave me a 4 hour silent treatment (more psychological aggression). I asked her if she wanted to talk this through and she asked "did you unblock me from Facebook" and I told her "No, that's what we need to talk about" and she said "Well, then I have nothing to discuss right now since I'm not married any more"... I knew what she was doing is using this as a guilt trip (more psychological aggression) so that she could win this argument without having to tell me she was sorry for being oversensitive and for controlling me... Finally she's headed to bed 1 hour earlier than usual just so she can avoid our inevitable discussion; but before she closes and LOCKS the door (isolation, another psychological aggression) she said "Oh, I guess you can sleep on the couch because I only sleep in my bed with my husband. And according to Facebook I'm single". So she's using the relationship as a weapon against me aggressively. Sure, she may not be raising her voice, sure she may not be hitting me, and I understand the cops wouldn't see this as spouse abuse because "this is what women do"; but this doesn't mean that manipulation is EVER okay. What she is trying to do is manipulate me and guilt me for something that I feel I have 100% valid reason to act the way that I did. This all would have never happened if she didn't take this VIRTUAL REALITY seriously. If she took my marriage with her as serious as she takes Facebook and what her friends think, then I bet she and I would live happily ever after. I've closed my Facebook account several times during arguments like this proving I don't need it to be happy; but then I lost all my friends and had to start all over when I realized she didn't want resolution in the marriage..... My wife DOES NOT want a divorce, but I don't know a man that would put up with have the crap that I do... What's your thoughts on the matter?

  • Answer:

    1. Your wife, the one you are suppose to cherish, doesn't appreciate your jokes. 2. She has politely asked you not to post your 'jokes'. You have refused. You think it's funny. You poke fun of something that hurts her feelings. She has opened herself up to you to let you know what hurts her the most yet you continue to use it against her. 3. You are being immature for refusing to grow up and stop posting your 'jokes'. Your wife is embarrassed by your immaturity on facebook for the world to see. She loves you, wants to be married to you, she just doesn't want to be embarrassed by you. 4. If you would shut the F up on facebook - a very simple thing to do, you could live happily ever after

Totally Unexpected at Yahoo! Answers Visit the source

Was this solution helpful to you?

Other answers

maybe conduct your married life AWAY from facebook might be a good start

RAVEN

Raven could not have said it more perfectly. I truly believe that sites such as facebook and friends reunited etc only bring trouble. Neither my husband or I bother with them as we are happy in the real world.

laplandfan

Facebook is a home wreck.I suggest u too stay away from facebook It is a step 2wards avoiding the pending doom of your marriage.

jasmine

What did you mean by "Typical morning"?. It seems that she is grumpy without coffee and in a bad moon in the morning and argue? Maybe you are negative to her very often and she now is very sensitive to your attitude towards her because there is constant friction between the two of you. If you are negative all the time and never positive, the next little thing can set anybody off. You display possible issues in your relationship to you openly and purposely embarrass her. Remember, she is your wife, not your regular net buddies who think its funny to tease each other. Maybe her anxiety for the state of her relationship to you is founded on something real. Maybe if you solve these deeper issues, she will more immune to a little ribbing. You psycho analyze her, but not your own actions? Instead of 'typical morning' maybe you should have written "I'll get your some coffee honey'.

Booban

Who cares what SHE wants...do YOU want a divorce? I'm pretty sure I'd be seeing a lawyer. My partner knows how to have fun, or I wouldn't be married to him. Sounds like your wife can't even spell "fun", so she'd be history.

mrs g4

Your wife is childish and so is the fact that you guys are fighting over this. I just don't understand what the problem is in posting on her wall. So what does she want? she just want's to be friends with you, but have nothing to do with you??? she is immature. Let her relise she is wrong.

Here's a solution to the facebook problem - both of you cancel your profiles. It's stupid anyway. Just because you block her doesn't mean that the facebook issue will be resolved. It will just turn into her complaining that she can't see your profile, accusing that you must be flirting with some woman on there, blah blah blah. Do yourselves a favor and can the stupid online game and get into couples/marriage counseling.

skye skye

Ok, I'm not going to read the whole thing. I stopped where you childishly blocked her. How old are both of you? Sounds like you're in high school to me. Jeeezus, it's facebook. Get a grip and grow up.

dvnt1

I went threw the same crap, you know what I did? I told her that since I can't post anything on your wall (hmmm maybe she's hiding something) then whats the sense on having a fb account? I went on and sent all of my friends my email address and deactivated my account. I don't care what she does and she can no longer watch what I do. good luck, seems like we both have control freaks to deal with.

brett h

Related Q & A:

Just Added Q & A:

Find solution

For every problem there is a solution! Proved by Solucija.

  • Got an issue and looking for advice?

  • Ask Solucija to search every corner of the Web for help.

  • Get workable solutions and helpful tips in a moment.

Just ask Solucija about an issue you face and immediately get a list of ready solutions, answers and tips from other Internet users. We always provide the most suitable and complete answer to your question at the top, along with a few good alternatives below.