How do you fall out of love?

I have fallen out of love with my husband, I don't want to get divorced, how can I fall back and stay in love?

• I was so in love with him, I was on top of the world, I had never experienced such pure, true breathtaking love. I had been in love several times or infatuated but it there was always something missing, with him, nothing was missing, We couldn't get enough of each other, missed each other like mad when we had to be apart, now when I'm not with him, I feel happier, and not so bogged down by his neediness. I'm a Libra, he's a Cancer. He did not grow up in a stable environment and was never shown love, and was shuffled from relative to parent so many times he has blocks of memories, before he met me he lived a gypsy kind of life, moving dozens of times throughout California, but always had a decent job. Me, on the other hand, always had stability, lived with love, grew up feeling secure and safe. Because of his upbringing, he has a tendency to be very clingy, whereas I am a loner by nature and hate feeling clung to. I want to be loved but not be a security blanket. I'm not expecting that first in love feeling to last but dammit there is more to life than watching movies, working and the playstation isn't there? Is it childish of me to feel this way? I feel like we're in the big fade, he works too much, when we do have time together, its usually watching movies he likes or watching him race on his Playstation Three. We have never been on vacation together and used to have date night but his interests and mine differ so greatly it seems to be too much of a waste of time to even attempt anything. This is the second marriage for both of us, he was married for a week on a whim because "it seemed like the thing to do" I was married for 6 years to a bipolar guy who when he was sweet, I couldn't ask for more, when he was bad, evil doesn't begin to describe it. We've been together for awhile, and moved from the west coast to the east coast five months after we met. Since then, things have gone downhill fast. We brought a beautiful baby girl into the world and she is the main reason I haven't left, plus my son adores him and always wanted a real dad. We have had outside troubles, troubles within the family, I brought two kids into the marriage, he brought his father who is more like a child than an adult, I have a lot of resentment about that because I'm the one who has to care for him. I've talked to him about retirement homes, assisted living etc., but he is so attached to his father its almost as if they were married before my kids and I came into the picture. He (my husband) has moments in extreme stress disassociation moments that I've learned to live with and work through with him. He never remembers the episodes and has accused me of making things up. I digress. I'm not going to totally trash him, he is a good husband, he husband helps out with dinner, and is a good father and good provider and loves my children from the previous marriage as his own but the things we've been through have been pretty fierce, and in experiencing them, I've closed my heart up and have made myself just be cold and unfeeling which is not in my nature at all. He grew up without love, he was passed around a lot and has never known stability so he turns cold at times and nothing I do works, I was raised with nothing but love, stability, safety and all the things a child is supposed to have. I am a very empathetic person, so this growing cold thing and becoming unfeeling is so unfamiliar I feel like a stone. I feel sometimes like I'm living a lie, pretending that all is hunky dory saying I love you when I honestly don't feel it, accepting his little pecks he calls kisses, accepting the fact that I listen to him and work on myself when he says I nag and hammer him and talk at him and criticize and don't see how hard he tries and when I try to talk he accuses me of making it seem like he's coming up short and how hard he tries to make me happy he has even told me that I should just decide to be happy and be happy. Yet he tells me that I but he never listens to how I feel, he cuts me off and basically blows off how I feel and goes into a "I'm doing the best I can". He claims he listens to my feelings but that's usually when I'm speaking of other things not involving him. Really, what can I do? Is there any hope at all? He took my son to a movie tonight, I'm having a girls night with my daughters and since he's been gone I feel happy, I miss him somewhat but I am dreading seeing him because I'm afraid the happiness I feel right now with him away from me will fade quickly.

• Answer:

  If u love him, stay together. Make sure you ask what ur children would say IF u asked 4 divorce. 4 Example if u wanna divorce: YOU: Darling Daughters and son, if (haha) I said I divorced with daddy, what do u think? DAUGHTER: No, I love daddy. YOU: OK, sweetie, what bout u my son? SON: Nope, I want dad too. So they dont wanna leave, huh. If u want divorce BAD, they try marriage counseling if u need it, try and work out the problem wiv them. No offense at ALL. All the best of ur lyf, Jade xxx