I Need advice on benefits in the UK.

I just need some advice, my life is going up and down?

• Hi, I'm from the UK and i'm only 19 and female, so any advice would be great thanks! Basically I took a gap year working last year, went to university but left because my course wasn't right for me. So since then, I have been at home (2 and a half months) bored out of my mind because apart from 1 friend, everyone's at uni. I haven't been able to find a job and my old job can't take me back. So i'm very broke, had to try and live on some savings, benefits and my parents helping me out. I live with my parents, and in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend. Last week, my boyfriend asked me to move in with him where he is at uni (a few hours from home) and i've said yes - but still struggling to find a job there (i'll move in 2 weeks time) and i can't move until i have money so i can pay rent. In the last 24 hours, things have been extremely difficult. My mother suffered a heart attack, so now i feel i don't want to leave her in 2 weeks (was planning to visit every weekend) and my dad to be left with responsibility and looking after my autistic brother! Also, my bf told me that he hadn't even asked his landlord about us living together and said it may not be possible because of insurance. So i feel like my hopes have been lifted, but crushed again, because I can't go to live a life with my boyfriend because he still hasn't bothered to call his landlord. He went out tonight but still spoke to me on the phone as i was upset, but i hung up cos he was too busy concentrating on his friends.. I'm so stuck with life, i can't find a job here, but there's more luck in this other city. I'm worried i won't be able to live with him, or i stay home with my family, who need me right now but not maybe later.... I haven't been out with friends in over a month and i feel so depressed, im crying daily, something is always going on. But my friends and my bf are having busy fun hardworking lives to help me, longest phonecalls i usually get with the bf are 10mins... Anyway, im so sorry if this is long! I'm upset as i type this, so need to calm down....but if anybody can give any advice, at all, it would be very appreciated as i need some help right now and to talk to someone. Thank you....

• Answer:

  Some of us reach this point at any age and realize that maybe the life we are living is not so much the kind of life that we've started out for. Things happen to us. We're all dealt a different set of cards and sometimes the places we find ourselves are places we were never meant to be. They aren't good for us. They bring us down. They fail to make us happy. And they probably hurt a whole heck of alot of people, friends, family, around us. Sometimes it is because we didn't plan and we let things just happen... like when you took a year off of school- did you plan your year through? I bet you didn't give too much thought as to how you wanted that year to go. And then there are other variables that aren't within your control like your boyfriend and your mom's health. But one thing that could of helped you is to become a more self sufficient woman. One of your problems that I see is you are dependent on other's for your welfare whether you see it or not. Get yourself to an independent place. Get yourself alone. This first part is kind of hard because it requires that you be honest with you. If you find your life really stinks..nobody knows the reasons why better than you do. We pretty much can figure out what it is that makes us stink. And we can all find the place if we think back far enough to where we made the wrong turn. So the first part is to get alone with yourself. Go somewhere where you won't have any interuptions. It's quiet time for you and yourself. Okay here you are in the solace of your self. Let's start by figuring out what it is we don't like about where we are. I usually recommend in these exercises that we write it all down. But sometimes we need more than pen and paper. Sometimes when you're writing you fail to capture what it is that is. So if you need to, tape record yourself. Whatever works! Just get it out of your head! Now you've gotten it all out. Maybe it took an hour, maybe it took a day. How do you feel? Well, if you've done this part of the exercise, then you should feel a little lighter than when you started. It feels good to get these things out of our systems. Change it all. This is an important step. Write down all the things you want to change. Find and research the ways to do these things. Continually strive and never look back. Keep going. Keep your stride. If you come against an obstacle, see it as a challenge to create the change in you. Tell yourself that and refuse to lose. Refuse to fall down. Keep going. Keep your head up and keep looking in front of yourself. Change something simple. Get a new haircut, dye your hair, try new make up. Just set out to change something small that is within your power and decide to change at least one thing every week. It's hard I know but you can do it! Keep a journal and pat yourself on the back for every new thing you do! And stop being so hard on yourself... and most important, set goals! Without taking inventory of where you are and where you want to be, how can you get there? Kind of like taking a trip. If you don't know where you are then how can you know the route you want to take to get to your destination? Choose to be happy. Take a walk. Be thankful. It takes effort I know but it's the only way. Good luck