What is narrative distance?

Narrative writing help?

• I have an exam in about two hours and this is the first time i have ever tried to write a narrative story. I would really be thankful if you could read through it and offer any suggestions you might have to improve it. thanks in advance- Liam P.S i have not quite finished it, that is why it stops abruptly Jasmines bedside alarm announced the arrival of Monday morning waking her with a start. She went to turn the alarm off and spotted her provisional license on the table reminding her that she had a driving test later that day. As she dwelled on the thought of her driving abilities scrutinised, the anxiety set in and she felt queasy with worry. It’s going to be OK, she assured herself. Settling her nerves, she urged herself to get out of bed and prepare for the day ahead. She forced herself to have breakfast but managed little more than a few slices of dry toast and half a banana. She felt she had procrastinated long enough and reluctantly grabbed her hand bag and headed out the front door toward a car parked at the end of the drive that had a young girl with blonde hair sat in the driver’s seat. “What took you so long?” Scolded Amber. ”Sorry, but my nerves slowed me down.” Replied Jasmine sheepishly. “Well you’re going to be late now.” Said her sister. “Well if you stop talking and get a move on i might just get there on time.” Responded Jasmine coolly. After spending the forty minute journey in silence, they arrived at the driving test centre. As Amber parked up Jasmine was going to get out but Amber grabbed hold of her arm and as Jasmine looked back at her sister in bemusement, Amber looked her in the eyes and said “Don’t worry, I’m sure you will do just fine and as long as you do your best that is all you can do. Just make sure you don’t run any school children over and you will do ok.” Said Amber mischievously.“ Jasmine just smiled and walked off feeling slightly better but still felt apprehensive. As jasmine walked toward the driving test centre she could hear her sister’s deafening stereo playing her favourite music fade away into the distance. Jasmine approached the short, chubby and bored looking woman behind the counter and told her that she had an appointment. The woman told her to fill in a form and sit down. After Jasmine filled in the form and handed it back to the receptionist, she sat down and waiting for what seemed like an eternity. Eventually the examiner called her name and she followed him to the car. As she sat down in the car, the examiner abruptly got out the highway code and started flicking through the pages asking her what each sign meant. Jasmine knew the signs off by heart as she had been practising them for weeks. But as she starred at the signs she just went blank, her mind raced she remembered what it meant but the words just wouldn’t come out. Finally she managed to spit out the words “No entry.”

• Answer:

  I like it! If I can suggest a few small things here though, you have missed a few punctuation marks in some areas, little yet important things in narrative writing. Also, I was always taught that in stories, each bit of speech from a new character should begin on a new line to avoid confusion from the reader. Example: Instead of "What took you so long?” Scolded Amber. ”Sorry, but my nerves slowed me down.” Replied Jasmine sheepishly. “Well you’re going to be late now.” Said her sister. “Well if you stop talking and get a move on i might just get there on time.” Responded Jasmine coolly. I would write it as: What took you so long?” Scolded Amber. ”Sorry, but my nerves slowed me down.” Replied Jasmine sheepishly. “Well you’re going to be late now.” Said her sister. “Well if you stop talking and get a move on i might just get there on time.” Responded Jasmine coolly. That it brings me to another thing - the reader knows now that the conversation is between Amber and Jasmine and does not need to be reminded so much. All of the 'Jasmine said, Amber said, Jasmine said, Amber said' Is not completely necessary and if it were my story I would cut it down to at least every second part of speech or just wherever you think it works. Reading that 'Jasmine said' over and over and over can be a bit redundant. There was also a sentence that was painfully hard to understand. I mean, I knew what you were trying to say but trying to interpret it in the way you'd written it was harder than need be. It was this one: 'She felt she had procrastinated long enough and reluctantly grabbed her hand bag and headed out the front door toward a car parked at the end of the drive that had a young girl with blonde hair sat in the driver’s seat.' I personally would rewrite it somewhat like this (but it's completely up to you) Jasmine felt sure that she had procrastinated for long enough now. With a sigh, she reluctantly grabbed her handbag and headed out the front door, locking it behind her as she went. As she reached the bottom of the porch steps, she looked ahead of her and saw that there at the end of the driveway was a light blue Holden (or whatever car description you want) in which a young girl with blonde hair sat waiting for her in the driver's seat. (Feel free to use that if you think it works better) As for overall advice, I'd say (if you don't have too much of a word limit) add some more describing words into your story! It can do a world of good. For a first try, this is actually very very good. Good luck with your exam!